ForumsArt, Music, and WritingHaiku Land

2158 523746
murasaki9
offline
murasaki9
1,390 posts
Blacksmith

I love writing Haikus. My best friend taught me how to write them. He said ' It's not that hard. All you have to do is learn.' So I did and I fell in love with them. Here's my first Haiku:

Clear like Crystals
It is clear, you know
that what some don't know, we do
albeit, they will.
03/21/11

  • 2,158 Replies
MoonFairy
offline
MoonFairy
3,390 posts
Shepherd

Might I give you a bit of advice?
I live here, in the AMW, and I can't tell you how many people have tried to centralize poetry of all sorts. It never really works.
Here, when we post poetry, or whatever, we make our own threads.

I'm not trying to be mean, just show you that us AMW'ers don't roll like that. 8D

murasaki9
offline
murasaki9
1,390 posts
Blacksmith

Hello, I did make my own thread!

SupaLegit
offline
SupaLegit
644 posts
Nomad

...A thread for all types of poetry is what Moon has meant. We are all aware that you have made your own thread.

murasaki9
offline
murasaki9
1,390 posts
Blacksmith

Oh, I get it, but bear in mind, I forgot to say this earlier.
I'm not really good at any other kind of poetry.

waluigi
offline
waluigi
1,948 posts
Shepherd

It doesn't matter if your that good, you can still try. If you look at some of mine, its not that great (though I always think it's terrible). If you do eventually want to start adding more lines to your poems, I recommend going with a tanka, which has a 5-7-5-7-7 syllable pattern.

murasaki9
offline
murasaki9
1,390 posts
Blacksmith

Thank you for your advice. I'm beginning to get the idea that my efforts in general aren't welcome. What if I don't want to write any other kind of poem? Why should I be forced to write other kinds of poems? At least, that's the message I'm getting.

waluigi
offline
waluigi
1,948 posts
Shepherd

I'm sorry if that's what your getting; we don't mean that at all. We're just trying to encourage you to expand your writings. If you want to keep writing haikus, then just ignore what everyone else is saying and go your own way. Again, sorry we gave that message.

SupaLegit
offline
SupaLegit
644 posts
Nomad

These appear to have been already created, so I would suggest posting a bit more so that we can critique. Well, since no one is helping you:

Clear Like Crystal is just confusing in my opinion. Not terrible for a beginner, but not superb either.

-Enjambment in this case throws the poem off, not to mention unclear meaning, but I'm getting to that. Enjambment is good in some cases, but over used in this case.

-The poem was kind of confusing with its wording:

It is clear, you know
that what some don't know, we do
albeit, they will.


Inserted definition...

It is clear, you know
that what some don't know, we do
although [though] [even if], they will.

Makes very little sense, the reader gets this message:

Something is clear, some will not notice, although they will?
murasaki9
offline
murasaki9
1,390 posts
Blacksmith

Thank you, Waluigi, it all makes sense now!

murasaki9
offline
murasaki9
1,390 posts
Blacksmith

Btw, Legit, its a Haiku, I can't just insert things.
I only get five syllables in the first sentence, 7 for the second
and 5 for the last. Otherwise, it isn't a Haiku

SupaLegit
offline
SupaLegit
644 posts
Nomad

...I know what a Haiku is, the fact remains that it was a bit confusing. I understand the format of Haikus, I have written them. At least 3 of my Haikus are on my thread.

Also, yes you can insert anything, if you use the right words, aka synonyms with a deeper, more descriptive definition. Just not everything fits, so you must shape your ideas, thus related words and/or synonyms.

CommanderDude7
offline
CommanderDude7
4,689 posts
Nomad

Okay Im going to try my hand at a structured poetry. Mostly I just make things in FLP so dont be hating.

I looked to the west
All I saw was grief and death
Despairing I left

Endscape
offline
Endscape
1,182 posts
Nomad

......i thread about haikus yet only wat 3 are present..... have mercy......

Humanity
condemed humans be
civil?, humane?, equal?, lies
....have mercy on us....

p.s. im not religious but still....... as they say karma.. is a "B".....hmmmmm, and excuse spelling/grammatical errors... im in a rush.

murasaki9
offline
murasaki9
1,390 posts
Blacksmith

Wow, Endscape, you're good! I like your Haikus!
Please write more! And can you teach me to write as well as you? I have written quite a few, but I think yours are much better than mine!

SupaLegit
offline
SupaLegit
644 posts
Nomad

Well it seems as if this is becomming an General Haiku thread, and not user specified... In which case, I guess I'll post some I have made here too:

Blooming Rain

Tapping, tapping, tap.
Rain comes and goes, ceasing not,
Blooming life for you.

----------------------

Summer is Here

Just 'round the corner
Summer days have come so far.
Wake up to Summer.

---------------------

This one was more of a joke upon Tacky's request:

Rain & Donuts

Rain makes wheat grow tall,
Wheat makes sticky balls of dough,
Dough makes good donuts.

---------------------

Beaches

Walking across sand.
Waves skimming to the shore line
Then retreating back

-------------------

Night Approaches

Branches reaching out,
Grabbing the sunset's beauty;
The dark is nearing.

Showing 1-15 of 2158