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Moon's Metrophobia

Posted Jul 16, '13 at 2:33am

Salvidian

Salvidian

3,950 posts

To clarify... having a consistent tone or mood adds to a writer's appearance and image. It's a good thing.

And Emp, you are one strange duck sir.

 

Posted Jul 16, '13 at 2:44am

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,216 posts

. But this time, you sent it so casually. As casually as "I ate his liver with a side of fava beans *sucking hiss*."

I'm still laughing

Sal I try to do all sorts of things but my main thing is emotion. My poems are usually sad and junk. u_u

 

Posted Jul 16, '13 at 3:05am

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,216 posts

This isn't evil! see this is a sad one yes

But why me?
I have always asked myself
What crime did I commit?
That would make me deserve this?

I was always true
To you
And then you left me out of the blue
Tears ran down my face
My heart was ripped in two

So here I am wondering
What did I do wrong?
Trying to figure out
Why my life
Is a heart break song.

 

Posted Jul 16, '13 at 4:19am

Freakenstein

Freakenstein

8,097 posts

Moderator

I'm sorta lost on this one. What particular style of poetry were you going for on this one? Four stanzas on first, doesn't rhyme, but break 2 and 3 have five and both rhyme. Great imagery on the theme, though! Oftentimes things happen abruptly without your knowledge of what happens, which hurts the most.

 

Posted Jul 16, '13 at 5:25am

Riptizoid101

Riptizoid101

3,228 posts

Hold on, these are all from the FLP thread, correct? So, these are individual poems rather than one big one?

Anyways, I really like these poems (or poem if they are one and the same), especially that last one.

 

Posted Jul 16, '13 at 4:39pm

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,216 posts

None of these are a part of the same poem. I would post them all together if they were.

I don't have a particular style of poetry, dude. It's all just free verse stuff I guess. I don't try to rhyme on purpose, and I don't try to shove it into a certain sheme. I usually go with a b a b c d c d, etc, but sometimes it just comes out different.

 

Posted Jul 16, '13 at 4:42pm

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,216 posts

I guess I'll start putting dates on these, so that way no one gets confused as to what's new and what isn't.

July 2nd, 2010
_____

My heart sings
When I hear your voice
I can leap over mountains, streams, and skies.

My heart smiles
When I see your face
With you I know I can fly.

 

Posted Jul 18, '13 at 12:56am

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,216 posts

Meh I don't really like this one but y'know. archive.

July 2nd, 2010

Free as a bird
Flying all night
Flying all day
With all of my might

Diving down fast
Feel the air rush around me
Can't catch me now
Free as anyone could ever possibly be.

 

Posted Jul 18, '13 at 1:21am

EmperorPalpatine

EmperorPalpatine

4,972 posts

That last line seems really cluttered and messes up the flow of the piece.

 

Posted Jul 18, '13 at 1:31am

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,216 posts

That last line seems really cluttered and messes up the flow of the piece.

Yeah I know... It's why I don't really like it. But since it's a poem I wrote in the FLP and I'm trying to archive I sort of have to put it there.u_u

 
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