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Arctavia

Posted Apr 18, '12 at 3:06pm

Roccess

Roccess

176 posts

This is the revised version of my book, Arctavia. On the other forum it came out sloppy with a bunch of mistakes.

Arctavia, Prologue: The War

   Arctavia was sitting in a woven oak chair underground. The place was nice, really, and it was better lit than you would expect. He walls were a faded green, typical for an Elven room. There was a staircase a few feet behind the chair, and a fireplace infront. The staircase led up to the surface, covered by some bracken and a tree.
   He wore a stained white shirt, brown pants, and black leather boots; he didn't live as much off of nature as most Elves. He was five feet tall, and on a silver belt was a little dagger.
   His yellow hair swung a bit to the sides, and he turned. There were four Humans and one Wizard blocking the exit. "Hey Akalan. I see the war has begun." Arctavia said to the leader of them, obviously not thinking it was effecting him.
   "Arctavia, how many times must I tell you, we are not friends." Akalan sneered.
   "And I never said we were, and I never thought so." Arctavia paused. "Maybe I just thought a fair fight would be-" Then there was a flash of orange light, coming from a Wizard's staff. The Wizard was wearing a bloodred robe, while the others were wearing green and black leather.
   Arctavia looked down, what he saw astonished him. Where his hand should have been, there was blood. "If that is how it is going to go..." But he didn't finish; he was in too much pain, but he did not show it.
   The three of Akalan's men grabbed Arctavia and brought him up the staircase. "Intibus was really neat back there. I bet this Elf 'ere is in lots o' pain." It took awhile still after that Arctavia learned he was talking to the other guards.
   
   They had been walking for hours when they reached a tower. The tower was completely empty except for a chair, exactly in the middle. It was dark, and one lone torch poorly lit the room. Arctavia felt the cold stone on his bare feet; they thought making him walk barefoot for miles would be slightly better torcher. They shoved him in the chair, and then tied him in.
   "Arctavia, you are called, yes?" said a man with a scratchy voice. He had long grey hair, and had an eyepatch over his left eye. Besides that, he looked exactly like the other guards and Akalan. He was looking down at a piece of parchment in his hand "Hmm, yes, Princess Korothoris orders us to leave you in this tower to starve."
   He looked over the paper to see his expression, but it was blank. There was no surprise in his eyes, and he sat so low you could tell he was not up to anything. There was not even the thrill in his eyes, which if you knew Arctavia, knew that it was the closest thing to impossible that could happen.
   The man shrugged and kept reading. When he was finished, he left the tower, and locked the door.
   Only seconds later did Arctavia here a scream of pain from outside the door. Then there were sounds of axes and morning star maces on the door. The wood splintered everywhere, until finally, he saw Dwarves step in.
   "Oi, Kanseir!" Arctavia called. He knew these Dwarves. He was saved.

 

Posted Apr 19, '12 at 12:28am

Schmiddy1234

Schmiddy1234

887 posts

Lol this is a very good book so far roccess :D I am very eager to see what happens to Arctavia ^_^

 

Posted Apr 19, '12 at 5:56am

Rapyion

Rapyion

646 posts

Ooh!! Interesting! I see only one mistake, but other than that, it was perfect. I'd like to see more, Roccess!

 

Posted Apr 19, '12 at 10:38am

Roccess

Roccess

176 posts

This chapter takes place two years after the prologue. The story of what happened will piece back together in flashbacks as it goes on.

Arctavia, Chapter I: The Theft

   He was running. A group of arrows were show into the midnight sky as Arctavia jumped onto a castle wall. In his hands he clenched a gold necklace, with a single jade circle encrusted at the bottom. The arrows came down, few barely making holes in his already torn shirt.
   The path that the wall surrounded was filled with Human horsemen and archers. "Let them trip over their own feet" he grumbled as he tried to outrun the horses.
   He had a bow slung on his shoulder along with a quiver. He knew the necklace was bearly revenge for the death of the Elvenlord Lerun, but it was also better than nothing.
   He jumped onto a tree and ran along its ancient branches, and jumped off. He ran until the only noise was his heart.
   He travelled alone. He had few allies, many living great distances away, since the war started. What made things worse is they were enslaving others of his kind to do as Korothoris said, or death.
   "I really need to go hunting." he said. He talked to himself to keep him sane, alone in the woods.
   Arctavia noticed a rabbit. It was atleast a day since he say one, or any animal. He raised his bow, silently grabbed an arrow, and shot it straight in the eye.

   His meal was nice, but it took awhile to prepare it. "Now time to find a place to sleep.." he thought outloud. Then he saw it. A Human camp.
   He probably had enough arrows to take this over.
   Probably.

 

Posted Apr 19, '12 at 7:58pm

Schmiddy1234

Schmiddy1234

887 posts

The 1st chapter is good ^_^ i'm eager for more. And i only saw two mistakes in the 1st chapter but none in the first :D Very good! Nice book so far! ;D

 

Posted Apr 19, '12 at 8:55pm

Roccess

Roccess

176 posts

Schmiddy what mistakes were there?

Arctavia, Chapter II: The Camp

   He paced up and down the camp, his new sword out at his side. "All right." he said, "Either you guys in the tents come out or I come in." he said this loud, since they should be sleeping.
   But they did not answer. Not instantly, and not directly. When they finally did answer, it was with an arrow whizzing past his face. "Not what I was expecting, but I'll take that as an answer." he said.
   Now, Arctavia is a bit.. oblivious to what a small force he is in the world. Five tents, that could be from five to fifteen men. He was one.
   At last a man came out from the tent. "A shocker this is!" Arctavia laughed. Infront of him stood Akalan, and Gamre, the man with the eyepatch, both grimmacing.
   "Arctavia, I did not know how you escaped the tower. I do not know how you escaped the castle knights a few hours ago, and I do not know why you think you can take over this camp." Akalan muttered, agrivated.
   "Well, I am pretty skilled and such. Anyhow, how could you know about the castle so soon?" he asked.
   "Stop bragging you Elf! And, they have a special trumpet warning call just for you. That is how much they hate you." At this point he was cleaning his fingernails as Akalan talked.
   But then Akalan smiled. "It took you this long to realise you could get rich off of arresting me? Now I have proven that your a genious." Arctavia was big-headed, yes, but he could also sometimes read thoughts by looking at some.
   "Ah, well. What does it matter if you make fun of him? You are outnumbered by around a thousand." Gamre put in. Akalan nodded at him, then Gamre pulled out a pipe that was attached to his belt. Three blows.
   Then Human soldiers came out of the tents. Hundreds. Apparently, the tents covered staircases, and under him was an underground fort. "Um, what are you going to do?" Arctavia tried to sound calm. "I'm already a branded E.K."
   Arctavia was actually the first branded E.K. Princess Korothoris started a law that any dangerous Elvenkind caught were to be branded on the shoulder with an E.K. The Elves did not know if it stood for Elvenkind or that they followed the Elvenking, but they did not ask, either.
   Before Akalan signaled a chosen few to capture him, Gamre put his finger over his mouth as if to signal quiet. Not far away, in the woods, nootsteps were heard.
   They were hiding in the dark, but Arctavia recognized a worried face in the shadows.
   There was Kanseir, dressed in bronze armor and bear skin, here to save him again.

 

Posted Apr 20, '12 at 11:01am

Roccess

Roccess

176 posts

NOTE: Towards the end you will realise that thousands of Dwarves are killing Turtle and Eagle, but this is a different world; they are not near extinction.

Arctavia, Chapter III: The Battle

   Or was he? Kanseir, and six other Dwarves he was currently travelling with could not take them on, and Kanseir knew that.
   But slowly Kanseir nodded to Arctavia, knowing that nod could cost a life. Akalan drew his sword and pointed it to his neck. "No time to listen to noises in the woods." He lowered his sword just a bit. "Take him away."
   "Wait!" Arctavia begged. They all stared at him. "It's just um.. attack!" The Dwarves charged into battle, stabbing some in sight. It was not their battle, and they wished to have few casulaties on the enemy side. After all, it was a rescue mission.
   Akalan, having already drawn his sword, stabbed Arctavia in the stomach just as he was grabbing his own. He fell, and Kanseir saw.
   The last thing Arctavia saw was the Dwarves making torches from the fire pit and lighting the tents ablaze. Then he closed his eyes and knew no more.

   It had been two hours since he lost consciousness. He heard a pipe call from Gamre. To retreat, maybe? To signal Akalan was wounded? Either way, the soldeirs ran back in the direction of the castle.
   The fires were put out from the nearby stream, and Kanseir happily reported no casulaties. On either side. He introduced me to the Dwarves. All of Kanseir's Dwarves wore an animal object that represents division, and some cloth under it. There was a Dwarf named Simbon, with a fox pelt on his head, hanging down. He was the second-in-command. Then there was a Dwarf wearing a hollowed out turtle shell on his back named Kavan; a Dwarf wearing a cow leather cape with bull horns to hold it together named Sennev; a Dwarf wearing eagle feathers on the shoulders named Haclo; a Dwarf wearing a bobcat pelt like Simbon called Avilo; and a Dwarf using a horse mane as arm protectors woven tightly called Avarano.
   Arctavia was invited to tag along, as long as he helped them capture a Wizard.
   "No problem."

 

Posted Apr 22, '12 at 12:42am

Schmiddy1234

Schmiddy1234

887 posts

lol sorry i didn't read it till now but i read it ad it is very good :D U are a good writer Roccess. ;)

 

Posted Apr 22, '12 at 1:49am

Darktroop07

Darktroop07

668 posts

The mistakes are here

He walls were a faded green

The walls were a faded green.

The three of Akalan's men grabbed

Akalan's three men grabbed.
These are mistakes I noticed in chapter 1 their minor but you should really practice in the way you arrange your sentences.

 

Posted Apr 22, '12 at 9:46am

Tobisper

Tobisper

403 posts

Oh yes I agree after writing down the chapters what I do is read over what I write because then the reader won't know what the hell is she/he reading.

 
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