^indoctrination.
Blair, as long as your mind is closed like this, the only way you can truly gain intellect, and learn how the world works, is by going beyond your mental boundaries.
I hate having to say this, but I'm going to use persuasion now. This is the actual story of my life before I deconverted.
I want you to know that before I dropped the useless appendage that is religion, I was a one of the only Mormons at my school (I'm betting you're one of those Utah Mormons where all but about 10 students of your school are members). I was one of only 4: me, my brother (who became a nihilist), a friend from my childhood (a jack Mormon), and his little brother. I was picked on for my beliefs, and baited to fight (I'm a pacifist by nature. Add Mormon to that and I won the different boy jackpot). I held to my beliefs for 2.5 years, even after my brother fell away. I endured every insult you could think of from the upperclassmen of my tennis team every day for the entire time. I did nothing to them, and I begged them sometimes to leave me be. Desperate, I prayed for solace. I endured for years, and prayed for acceptance. I slowly grew dead inside hoping for a way to escape because the bible said The Lord would help me be able to bear it (1st Corinthians 10:13). I still fought to the very end, but one day I was on my bed having one of my normal breakdowns, when I said to myself, "no kind god would ever let one of their faithful suffer like this". This made me realize that god isn't kind, which made me wonder what else I was lied to about. I searched parts of the bible, and found multiple inconsistencies. The god of the Old Testament was (according to my former beliefs) devoted to justice. There were no acts of justice in the Old Testament, but there were multiple acts of brutal destruction, and exploitation. It made me angry to read about how god justified his own actions. This eventually made me realize that my religion is wrong, and maybe all of Christianity as well. In my rage, I cursed my beliefs, and felt a weight fall off that I had never felt before. I looked at these forums, and saw atheism, and how they don't believe in a deity. I was fascinated, and started reading about evolution, science, logic, and even bits on anthropology. I saw how there has always been different gods for different times, and it made me realize that none of these gods could've possibly existed, including my own. I became an atheist, and a very angry one at that. In the beginning, I did everything I could to deconvert the people around me, and I even did end up doing so to one of them (I gave him the final push, and he is now one of my best friends). I even went to a bible study group that the diehard Christians go to every Friday after school, and laughed about their beliefs out loud (which sparked a pretty heavy debate after the session that left one of them speechless, and another shaken. Believe it or not, I'm friends with him now).
I leveled out, and came to terms with myself. After I did, I found it easier to talk to people around me, and my life has taken a turn for the better since. The point is that my prayers were never answered, so I had to rely on my own strength, which only made me stronger.
-Blade
