A rabbi, a priest, and a monk were out fishing one day. Once they were out on the pond, the priest remembered that he forgot his fishing pole in the car. He climbs out of the boat, and walks across the water to the car. The rabbi is dumbfounded, and is wondering what power could make this man do that. Then the monk wants a coke, so he crosses the water the same way as the priest. The rabbi is now thinking that there is nothing different about their faith that shouldn't let him do the same thing, so he announces that he has to go to the bathroom, steps out of the boat and promptly falls in the water. Flustered, the rabbi tries a second time, with the same result. As he tries a third time and subsequently fails, the priest says, "You think we should tell him where the stepping stones are?"
Q:Why do men die before their wives? A:Because they want to.
Two men are dreaming of ideas to get rich, when one of them thinks of going into the painting business. The other thinks that is a great idea, and they start buying the paint and lining up customers. Their first one is a priest, and in order to double their profits, they add water to their paint to make it last longer. As they are finishing with the house, a giant rainstorm pops out of nowhere and all of the paint, due to the high amount of water in it, is washed away. Then a big booming voice comes out of the cloud saying... . . . . . . . . "Repaint! Repaint and thin no more!"
A pirate with a steering wheel tied to his waist walks into a bar. The bar tender said "what with the steering wheel?" The pirate replied "Argh! It's driving me nuts!!!!"
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!" The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"
Three men were stuck in a desert. One says, I brought water, so if we are thirsty we can drink! The second says: I brought bread, so if we are hungry we can eat! The third says: I brought a car door, so if we get hot we can roll the window down.
3 men were shipwrecked on a large island. While exploring, they were surrounded by a native tribe. The chief (through his translator slave) told the men that they had to go into the jungle and collect 10 of a single type of fruit. The first man came back with 10 apples. He was then informed that if he could shove all 10 of the fruit up his butt the natives would help him, but if he made a sound during the ritual, they'd kill him. He got to the 3rd apple and started screaming in pain so they killed him. The second man came back with 10 blueberries and was given the same instructions. He got to the 9th one and started laughing, so they killed him. The two men met in heaven and the first one asks, "Dude, you were so close! What happened? Why did you laugh?" The second man responds "I saw the 3rd guy carrying pineapples!"
An American, a Mexican and a Chinese man are in an airplane. Thus pilot then announces that they r going to crash if the don't get rid of the extra wait. The Chinese throws out all his rice and says we have too much of this in my country. The Mexican throws out all his beans and says we have much of this in my country. The American pushes the Mexican from the plane and says we have to many of these in my country. No offense to anyone.
i dont know why a "yo momma joke" should be a good yoke...
a rabbit and a bear walked through a forest. a feary appeared and said: "both of you have 3 wishes." the bear said: "i wish that all other bears in this forest are female and are loving me." poof, wish granted. the rabbit wished for a magical motorbike, poof and he got it. the bear said: "i wish that all other bears in this state are female and are loving me." poof, wish granted. the rabbit wanted a bike helmet, poof, he got it. the bear said horny: "i wish that all other bears are female and are loving me." poof, wish granted. the rabbit put his helmet on, sit on his bike, turned it on and said: "i wish that this bear is gay."
Here's a great joke I know: A man from a foreign country gets a job as a cashier in a supermarket. The manager tells him, if anybody asks you how much it costs say "$1". If anybody asks you if it is fresh you say "Very fresh". And if anybody asks you if it is on sale, you say "not today, maybe tomorrow". So a woman walks in with a bunch of grapes and asks: "How much?" He says, "$1". Then she asks, "are they fresh"? He says "very fresh". Finally she says "is there a sale?" He says "not today maybe tomorrow".
Then, a man walks in with a hunk of meat and asks: "How much?" Cashier says, "$1". Then he asks, "is it fresh"? Cashier says "very fresh". Finally he says "is there a sale?" Cashier says "not today maybe tomorrow".
Then, a robber walks in. He asks "How much is in that cash register?" Cashier says: "$1" Then the robber says "Are you being fresh with me?" Cashier says: "Very fresh" Finally, the robber asks "Do you want me to shoot you?" Cashier says: "Not today, maybe tomorrow" LOL XD!!! I love this joke!! It's sooo funny!!!
