An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.
"Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich."
*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.
"And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess."
*** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.
"Your third wish?" asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. "Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.
*** POOF ***
There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, "Bet you're sorry you had me neutered."
ok, soo...there were 5 nuns at a hotel and it was really hot. So they decide to take their clothes off and walk around naked. They hear a knock at the door and they get really nervous. One asks, "who is it?"...and the person responds, "Blind man." One nun says, "Well, since he is blind we can let him in; he won't notice we're naked." They agree and let him in. The man steps in and says, "Hey, nice boobs" and then he goes over to the window and changes the blinds.
Well, it is inappropriate, but funny in it's twisted way. So next time, please think before posting. Theirs young people on this forum. You never know when someone lies about their age.
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister decide to see who is best at his job. So they each go out into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins. "When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion." "I found a bear by the stream," says the minister, "and preached God's holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him." They both look down at the rabbi, who is wrapped in a body cast. "Looking back," he says, "maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision."
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Urgh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says " You go right up there and tell him off - go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Why would you drop a baby feet first into a blender? Just to see the look on it's face!
What's the difference between a watermelon and a dead baby? One's fun to crush with a sledge hammer and the other's a watermelon.
If a tree falls onto a baby in the forest and nobody is around to see it is it still funny?
What's small blue and orange and sits at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties. What's red blue and orange and sits at the top of a pool? A slashed baby with floaties.
Ok so a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all getting aimed at by cops. The brunette yells tornado, the cops look around and she runs for it. The redhead yells thunderstorm, the cops look around and she runs for it. The blonde yells "fire!"
