three people went to a priest to be forgiven. First Person: I stole a bike Priest: ok,drink the holy water Second person: i stole from the store Priest: ok drink the holy water Last Person comes in... Priest: wat did you do? Last Person: I peed in the holy water
a guy named Bob walks into a bar on the top of a twenty story hotel and someone walks up to him and says if u take this pill u can fly. At first bob thinks he's full of it, but then the man says watch, jumps out the window, floats there for a second and floats back in. Then bob all excited grabs the pill takes it, jumps out the window and falls to his death. Then the bar tender comes up to the man and says,"superman ur a mean drunk"
There are 3 women who come late to there meeting and the first one says " i was doing crack" then the second one says "crack was doing me" the third on says "we were all 3 were doing crack" And then the door opens and a guy comes in and he says "hi im Crack, short for Crackonites"...
GET IT? ALL THREE GIRLS WERE DOING A GUY! lol just kidding got it off the internet...
1. George W. Bush, distraught over his worsening approval rating, was jogging through Washington in search of inspiration. Taking a break upon reaching the Washington Monument, he looks up for guidance and says, âGeorge, you were one of our greatest Presidents, what should I do?â
Suddenly, a voice is heard from above. George Washington says to George W, âAbolish the I.R.S. and start over.â
George W, amazed that heâs actually talking to a past President, continues his job and this time stops at the Jefferson Memorial. Uttering a similar question to Thomas Jefferson, Americaâs author of the Declaration of Independence and one of its great early philosophers, he asks âThomas, youâve never had these kinds of problems. What can I do to rally people behind me?â Again a voice from above answers, âWelfare is not working, abolish it and start over.â
Upon hearing such great advice, George gets excited and plans on going to all the historical sites for guidance. Next stop is the Lincoln Memorial to see President Abraham Lincoln, who met his untimely death after winning the Civil War and keeping the country unified. âAbe, I need your help, people are losing confidence in me and they no longer trust me. What should I do?â After a substantial pause Abe replies, âTake the day off George. Go the the theatre.â 2. So you want a day off huh? Well, letâs just take a look at what youâre asking for ok?
There are 365 days per year, making that 52 weeks. You already have 2 days off per week, leaving just 261 days available for work. Since you already spend 16 hours each day away from work youâve used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days left to work. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee breaks which accounts for 23 days each year, now leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch break each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave, leaving you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.
Look, we generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and Iâll be damned if youâre gonna take that day off!
One day, a duck walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "what do you want?" So the duck says "Got any grapes?" "No," replied the bartender, so the duck said "Got any grapes?" and the bartender says "No," feeling slightly annoyed. This exchange goes on for a while, until eventually the bartender, getting angry, yells at the duck "Listen, you dumb duck, if you ask me about grapes one more time, I'll nail your beak to the wall!" So the duck says "Got any nails" and the bartender says "No," Then the duck says "Got any grapes?"
ok, so there's this blonde in her 9th grade class and she is wearing headphones. the teacher tells her to take them off, but she says "no i can! ill die" and the tacher orders her to take them off, finally she takes them off but falls down dead. the teacher picks up the headhpones and sees what she was listening to, the headphones projected, "Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in" *sorry to and blondes out there... no offense >.<
