60 days ago, our good friend and neighbor R2 asked his sweetheart Aggs to become his wife. To join him in a life of happiness. To bring each other the companionship, love, and joy of marriage.
I would like to welcome you all here today, for Armor Games first wedding. Please help yourself to the refreshments. The ceremony will begin shortly...
I would actually like to start the speech. It has been a long time since R2 started stalking me. I remember many long months daydreaming about the many ways to kill him. I think I have found the perfect combination of horrors. First, castrate him with a chainsaw. Then rip his entrails out through his eyes, burn his corpse then dance on his grave. I also remember the time R2 dumped me for a real "girl" that he met at a camp and then came back to me like I was his back up plan or something. I also remember the many pouches of money that he owes me. Ahh, yes, good times indeed.
