Chapter 11: Please Don't AP
"Finally done with the first day!" shouts DarthTyrannausarus triumphantly.
"Duuuude, I know!" exclaims Frank_Frooton. (Note: to avoid confusion, we will call him FF in the future when he runs into the teacher Frank.) "Maybe this year, I’ll finally graduate!'
DarkFire scoffs. "I doubt it."
Darth, Frank, and DarkFire are walking to their houses after school, when suddenly, a bearded hobo walks up to them.
"Hello kids," says the hobo brightly. "Did you have a great time at school?"
"We sure did, Mr..." Frank pauses, trying to figure out something to call him.
"My name is Hectichermit, but you can call me Hectic." Hectichermit winks.
"Yeah... Hectic..." says Frank with 0% suspicion.
"Anyway..." smiles Hectic. "I was wondering if you kids would like to check something out."
Suddenly DarkFire, who’d so far remained silent, blows on a whistle that was hanging on his neck. Everyone currently outside looks their way, and then goes back to what they were doing.
"What was that?" asks Hectichermit, confused.
DarkFire looks around, embarrassed. "I thought you were going to... never mind... please continue with what you were saying."
"Well, I was wondering if you fellows would like to check these babies out." HecticHermit takes out a pack of cigarettes.
"Cigarettes?" asks Darth. "Yeah, uh. No thanks."
"They're not normal cigarettes," frowns Hectic. "They're APs."
"AP?" DarkFire asks. "Didn't the school actually allow those things once?"
"Oh yeah," Hectic says, all smiles. "Back then, people would smoke so many of these babies. The teachers actually suspended people because they smoked too much of them. Then the school board decided to ban AP from the school altogether."
"So in that case, we definitely shouldn't take them from you,” says Frank.
"Actually, you're supposed to take them from me." Hectic looks up at the sky dramatically. "You must be rebellious, you must try to smoke as many as you can and spread the love to everyone in the school!"
Darth shakes his head. "Yeah, there's no way we're doing that."
"We're out of here," agrees Frank.
Darth and Frank start walking away, but they pay no attention to their companion. Dark decided to stay behind with Hectic. After the other two are out of sight, he leans close to Hectic and waves a twenty dollar bill at him.
"I'll buy 12 packs," whispers Dark, and Hectic happily obliges.
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The next morning DarkFire gets on the bus and sits behind Darth and Frank. "Hey guys!" Dark says cheerfully, AP hanging out of the corner of his mouth.
Darth turns around and sighs. "Don't tell me you actually bought AP from Hectic."
"I don't have to tell you anything," coughs Dark.
"Look dude, you're even coughing," says Frank, concerned. "You need to stop while you can."
"No way. I bought 12 packs of these things, I'm getting my money’s worth," exclaims Dark after another bout of coughing.
"How much AP did you smoke?" asks Darth, his brow furrowed.
"Not much," says Dark nonchalantly. "Before I got on the bus I’d only smoked one pack."
"DarkFire, I think you should stop smoking for awhile," says Frank firmly. "You're going overboard with it."
"I'm not going overboard!" exclaims Dark indignantly. "If anything, I think I need to light more."
He takes out a fresh pack of AP from his pocket, but Frank takes it out of his hands. "Yeah, we're not going to let you," says Darth.
"Fine," drawls Dark. He then takes out another AP packet, takes out a cig, and then lights it somehow.
Darth and Frank look at each other.
"How many did you buy?" asks Darth slowly.
"I told you," sighs Dark, a cigarette in between his lips. "I bought 12 packs of these."
Darth and Frank are so shocked that Frank drops the pack he took from Dark, who bends down to get the dropped pack. "I’ll take that back now.”
"Why?" asks Darth tearfully. "Why would you do this to yourself?"
"Because they've awesome, aaand nutritious," hacks Dark.
"Dude, you're going to get cancer if you keep smoking those things constantly like that," says Frank.
"No I won't," says Dark confidently. "Cigarette packages always say 'can cause cancer' but these didn't say that."
"That's because you bought them from some random hermit on the street!" says a frustrated Frank, looking like he was about to pull his hair out.
"He's trustworthy." Dark rolls his eyes.. "Anyways, we're at school, so we need to head to class now bye."
Mino speeds violently into his parking spot, sending cars flying across the football field. One of them looked like pang's, but it’s hard to tell. "Get out! You wretched hobgoblins are stinking up my child!" the minotaur shrieks, throwing a glass bottle towards the back of the bus.
Dark quickly gets off the bus to avoid any more complaining from Frank and Darth. As he passed Mino, the busdriver reached out and plucked a pack of AP from Dark’s back pocket.
"Oh!" Mino sniffs the pack. "Haven't had one of these in a while!"
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"Alright!" exclaims Nicho. "Everyone seems to be here!" He slaps down his papers on his desk.
"Alright everyone!" shouts Nicho again. "Open your books up to the first Chapter. Today we will begin learning about ancient China and..." He trails off when he finally notices the cigarette in between DarkFire's lips.
"What is that?" Nicho grinds his teeth, trying to hold in his anger.
"AP," says Dark plainly.
Frank speaks up. "We tried telling him to stop." Darth next to him nods his head.
"And you decided not to heed your friends' warnings?" asks Nicho, face reddening with rage.
"Of course not," says Dark. "What does ‘heed’ mean, by the way?"
"You're in so much trouble, young man!" Nicho screams. "Go to Gantic's office immediately!" He then turns toward Frank and Darth. "You two accompany him. It seems you guys know what's going on."
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They all walk down to Gantic's office. Darth and Frank are on either side of Dark, who seems unconcerned with his current situation.
"Dude, take that cigarette out of your mouth.” Darth swats at it, but Darkfire ducks. "You're in enough trouble as it is."
"I take it out when I feel like it," Dark insolently.
Darth sighed and looked ready to continue the argument, but relented. "If that's what you wish...it’s your own grave you’re digging."
They reach the office a moment later and stand in front of the door.
“You know,” Darth says after a minute, “I’ve heard rumors about this guy…”
“Such as?” Frank wanted to know.
“R-”
“How about we get this over with?" Dark pushes past them and turns the knob. The door swings open slowly, creaking loud enough to make them all jump, and after a shared glance, they edge into the office.
Gantic is sitting behind his desk, typing at his computer. His limbs fly so fast that they’re almost a blur, and text fills the monitor. He murmurs in a low voice to himself while writing. They don't know what he's saying, but he repeats the words 'iron' and 'moon' several times.
"Uh, Mr. Gantic, sir," gulps Darth. "We were sent to see you."
Gantic looks up, his dark beady eyes piercing their souls... or at least, it felt like it.
"Ah, yes. Nicho told me you were coming," Gantic says at length. "The problem is quite obvious." He glances at the cigarette in Dark's lips, and Dark squirms under his intense gaze. "Where'd you get the AP?"
"A guy gave them to me," responds Dark, in a cool-like manner that just made him seem like the kind of person Zaphod Beeblebrox would want to punch in the face. Fortunately, no one on the room was Zaphod Beeblebrox, otherwise Dark would’ve been punched in the face.
"You know AP isn't allowed on school grounds anymore," says Gantic, his voice devoid of inflection.
"That's what Hectic said," said Dark, feigning boredom.
"Who's Hectic?" asks Gantic, steepling his limbs before him.
"I don't have to tell you anything.” Dark leans back arrogantly and twirls the AP in his fingers.
"All right." Gantic looks to Darth and Frank. "Who's Hectic?"
"He's some Hermit that approached us yesterday," says Darth respectfully.
Gantic nods. "What did he do?"
"He offered us some AP."
Gantic starts writing in a notebook. "Did you take any?"
"Neither me or Frank did," says Darth, and shuffles his feet.
"But apparently Dark did?" Gantic raises an eyebrow.
Darth and Frank just sit there like sacks of potatoes.
"Right. You two can leave," says Gantic, his tone taking on an ominous edge for a moment as he turns back to his desktop. "I'd like to be alone with Dark."
Darth and Frank both flee the office without a backwards glance.
Gantic doesn’t move from his seat, doesn’t even look at Dark, but somehow, the act of not looking is scarier than if he’d flown into a rage."You better stop smoking AP. It’s not good for you, you know." As usual, his voice was nearly robotic in its tonelessness.
"What if I don't?" Dark does his best to remain nonchalant, but it’s clear he’s at least a little intimidated.
"Then you will get suspended for a month," says Gantic calmly.
"I'm not afraid of that."
"No, you wouldn't be, would you." Gantic rises up from his chair. "I'm going to give you a riddle."
"A riddle?" says Dark, his eyebrows raised.
"But before I tell you the riddle," Gantic continues, "I need to tell you the rules. Now, are you listening?"
“Yeah, sure.” Dark tried to make eye contact and instead decided to glance to the side.
“I said, are you listening?” Gantic’s voice had changed considerably; no longer robotic, it was raspier, and boomed as if it belonged to a bigger creature than the one in front of Dark.
“I’m listening!”
“Good. I won’t repeat myself. If you get the riddle right in one shot, I won't give you any punishment. However, if you get it wrong…” His voice implied a terrible punishment, and for a moment, Dark was afraid. But the moment passed, and everything returned to normal. “...I'm sending you to counselor Calm for as long as your AP addiction lasts."
"Yeah, yeah. Just give me the riddle, rabbit." Dark grins.
Gantic folds his limbs in front of him and speaks. "Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child’s name?"
Dark’s smirk was wide. "Easy, June."
"Wrong." Gantic’s smile was dark enough to send chills down Dark’s spine. "Let me tell you the riddle again, Darkfire. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child’s name? At the beginning, I said 'Johnny's mother'. The answer is Johnny." Gantic turns away. "You’ll start seeing Calm tomorrow."
Dark's smile fades as he slumps out of the office. As soon as the user is out of earshot, Gantic picks up the phone and dials a number.
"Hey Mino, if you see a hermit, kick him off the school grounds. He's been selling AP to students."
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A week passed. No one died.
"So how was spending time with Calm?" asks Darth on the bus to school.
"It wasn't bad," says Dark complacently. "We had some hiccups, but he's getting me to stop smoking."
"I feel so proud of you." Frank says, eyes shining with kawii admiration.
"I'm glad too," Dark agrees. "It had a weird aftertaste, kind of like cookies. They probably weren't made of cookies, but I had a doctor check me out all the same."
"So you're all fine?" asks Darth.
"All fine," confirms Dark.
It’s smiles all around. Pretty gay.
Mino pulls into the bus driveway.
"Alright, everybody off the bus right now! I gotta pee!" yells Mino.
After everyone dismounts and vanishes, HecticHermit appears mysteriously. He approaches the bus. "I have the AP," he whispers, looking around shiftily.
Mino turns around, a grin on his face as he takes the pack of AP. "Excellent! You keep bringing me more of these and I won't tell Gantic about you hanging around here."
"Thanks Mino." Hectic smiles as a reply.
Hectic disappears and Mino opens the pack and lights up. "This is the life," he sighs, while exhaling smoke rings. He then goes to the men’s bathroom and drinks out of the urinal.
Characters: @DarkFire, @Gantic, @Frank_Frooton, @DarthTyrannausarus, @Hectichermit, @nichodemus, @Minotaur55
Editor: @StormWalker
