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Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → saphire's poetry and stuff
I saw Legend doing this, and I thought it was a good idea. I found that poetry is a good way to say stuff, so...
Also, feel free to comment, I don't mind what you think about it.
You say that you trust me
But how can I know.
you say you love me
But it never shows.
you know nothing at all
of how I feel
'cos I hide it in smiles
and all that false zeal
I'm fed up and sick
of my freedom destroyed
I cant trust you with how I feel
'cos you will just say
That it's nothing, and that it isn't a big deal
Why can't you see and take notice.
You don' even know I'm here.
I try hard to please you
and do as you say
But still don't tell you my fear.
We were a family once
with music and joy and fun.
But now they all left
there's a hole in my heart
and now nothing can be done.
So say to me that you're proud.
That no-one you know can do that
but see past the skill, to the mind within
and see all the damage you've done
- 58 Replies
There are a few linked poems that I've written over the course of a few months, so I'm posting them all at once, since I probably wont add another one. If I do, I'll explain that it is linked.
These are chronological in terms of how they fit together, but I didn't write them in this order. "The Mind that Bites" is linked too, and comes second in this collection.
The Forming of Celene
All the Best Things Come in Threes
You know you have a voice in your head when you think?
It doesn't have a voice that isn't your own?
I have three quite distinct, each have their own tone
Like hearing three people through a mental link
Saphire the smartest got her name from here,
her voice mildly robotic, she helps guard my speech
the second to form, shows what goals are in reach
and taught me how not to be overcome with fear.
Hunter was later, but took longest to form
been with me forever, since I was a child
his voice is a growl, he helps me be wild
he guides me to safety, and keeps me warm
the core of the trio has always been me
the voice that is shown to the world
the kindness is mine, the joy of life unfurled
looking for the best in all that we see
we make stories together, inside you will find
each woven thread a reflection of us
we are three in a body, but don't make a fuss
not schizophrenia, just a complete and broken mind
<The Mind that Bites>
Of Dreams and Dying
You promised me that I could heal through your pain
That I would reclaim my mind if I suffered enough
Well I've been in agony for such a long time
yet my life hasn't become any less rough
We fall and we fail, I can handle that
some people dislike me, I can see why they might
but you made me think that I'm always alone
That without you I can't ever feel alright
You haunt my dreams and my waking life
you pull me away from what I enjoy
You say 'My world's better' so beautifully false
and sneak me away with many a ploy
I love how you frame my ideal self
you give me power and freedom and flight
but it isn't real, and you give me false hope
I want to live outside of my dreams at night
Finding Your Name
I know you now, who sneaks in the night
whispering softly when I turn out the light
You hid in my dreams, then crept into the day
I lost before I ever joined the fray
Saphire and Hunter are missing for now
You took them from me, but I don't quite know how
and then you attack when my walls fall too low
You are a part of me true, but I want you to go
You gain strength from my tears
you abuse my mind's eye
you make me look for that final goodbye
The voices I trusted were thrown out by you
Voiceless and faceless, your formation is new
You doused Hunter's fiery childish delight
You strangled his passions til he lost the fight
Saphire's quick wit and kindness and smarts
fell and were crushed by your poisonous arts
And now it seems, your target is me,
the core of my being, the last third of three
So what do you want with the middlest child?
You'll find when I'm angry that I am much less mild
You wish for my soul, my mind, my death?
then I'll fight your desires with every last breath.
Her Name is Celene
So, where do you fit?
Now you choose to behave
no longer pushing us over the edge
you let them come back,
now we need to think
where do you fit in this trio of four?
We won't reject you,
that was wrong to suggest,
but you formed in chaos
and refused to prevent
every hurtful whisper
and your obsession with pain
So where do you fit?
you are so brand new
made a bad impression
but we forgive you for that
we will find you a place
Just stop being so mean
a big welcome to you
the newest voice; Celene
I know a lot of people loiter here, which I think is really cool! If I started a youtube channel where I read out what I wrote, would anyone be interested in that? Also, if you do think that's a good idea, got any name suggestions? I'd really appreciate it!
Warning, contains potentially upsetting content
When Panic sets in
Every day grows a little more dark
and none of my words can quite hit the mark
and I feel like I never have to earn what I get
every action I take gets lost in regret
and I'm losing myself in my own swamp of hate
If I call out now am I still too late?
I want to find help but don't know where to start
There's an ache in my chest and a hole in my heart
and a voice in my head says it's not a big deal
that this pain that I'm feeling is not even real
that there's nothing to help and there's nothing to fix
that I can wish it away with dreams and Netflix
just shove them aside, you don't need their aid
to ask means you're weak, don't let emotions display
You are stronger than this so you don't need to ask
your mind will soon heal, this is your task
I know deep inside that I need to reach out
but my wish is a whisper, this voice gets drowned out
My words are my comfort, but they aren't quite enough
Guilt keeps me quiet, this is my own private stuff
no-one should have to put up with my moans
so I don't send that text, don't answer the phone
Yes, I'm fine, the old lie and refrain
I can't show my weakness, can't show I'm in pain
They all have it worse, so what right have I
to say that I'm hurting, that I'm wishing to die
I shouldn't speak out, shouldn't try to explain
It all seams so petty, and I am ashamed
that I'm scared to speak out to my best of best friends
the guilt starts to build and the cycle wont end
I can't find the words and it hurts when I try
my brain makes me stop, and the fear makes me cry
And each time I fall so much closer to earth
and I lose a little more of my tiny self-worth
Then the pity I feel for my own stupid self
starts calling me selfish for asking for help
If you see yourself reflected in me,
please reach out for help. At least you can be free.
I'm also working on a few stories if anyone is interested?
All things being equal
Bring me your joy, your pain, and your fear
Bring me your smile stretched from ear to ear
find me that light that shines in your eyes
Give me the tears that remember goodbyes
This path that you tread is not walked alone
Let us take a walk together through our joint unknown
you by my side, my hand in yours
let us stride into life with never a pause
I hold me back, and you set me straight
in quiet confessions we shape our own fate
so send me your worst and your best and your all
just whisper my name, I will answer your call
An Old Slice of Life
It's never just the words;
It's the history behind you,
I find the reason I left
summed up by your words.
So full of intelligence.
So high and mighty and proud.
Underlining each mistake,
Bringing back the familiar ache...
And you don't ask.
You never ask why I am hurting,
Never think to peak beneath the rug.
Yet my youngest brother
sees what you never thought to watch for
As each scar shows through, I slip into my old pattern
Run and hide
No weakness is showing
With emotions, thoughts, feelings uncertain
You cut me.
Your words cut me
Nothing more than playground taunts
but every word sticks and haunts
my waking and my sleeping mind
I become what I thought had been left behind.
It took you fewer than 10 days
to undo the progress that I've made
so as I cry in silent shame
My blockade rises
My shutters fall
you break me down with nothing but words.
I am not changed.
I am a child. Again.
I am that child so scared in the dark
in panic those words could have stopped my heart.
I am the child that fears my own name
to sound again from that taunting tongue.
I am the child who hides away,
who can't wait to escape the burning day.
I am the child who disappears.
That lives in the shadows
of self and life and self-loathing.
I am the child who runs.
Your words force me to flee.
But I'm no longer alone,
Though the memories that run with me will never fade. You made me.
Now I remake myself.
as long as it takes.
As many times as I need.
but for now, nothing has changed,
we have stayed just the same,
and I am left crying on Christmas day.
Don't feed me sweet nothings to garner my favour
Since as soon as one knowing lie slips from your honeyed lips
No truth is trusted to fall from your mouth.
To gush great praises for simple duty acts
Creates no faith for future proud works.
A thousand kind words spoken false
balances just one single trusted praise of work well done.
So lend me your tongue when feelings ring true
And lend me it also when your words are sour on the page
and leave no joy behind.
Send me your hate and your love in fair measure;
I grant more respect to you
than to a hundred who play the game of mockery
and lie of enjoyment in the hope of warming my heart to them.
Blame it on sobriety
The bitter sweetest slap
Cuts this fog in my brain
The almond sharp in the throat
Sharpens the mind
No more illusions to fuddle this brain
Body suffers slightly, but mind becomes whole.
For the first time in weeks
This brain is revived
And though body cuts raw in this half-baked deal,
Better brain with sense in the synapses
than body with no direction in its tread.
This fleeing of thoughtlessness
lets hands be lead in accord with purpose built actions
and I sigh with the relief of finding this poisoned danger cure.
To be used only when bleakness and grey
coat all that was colour.
May liquor endure when brain lies dying
To rescue the hope that retreats out the door
Let spirits of grain revive mine that was failing
and bring life to this strengthened body once more.
Time to update again, had a few that I've been meaning to post for a while.
May you leave
With fake news and falsehoods
Who do we trust?
The people in power
keep lying to us.
Bold sweeping statements
collapse without truth.
You lied to your people
from oldest to youth.
What lures you to power?
It all ends the same.
It wont bring you riches
nor followers nor fame.
You think you know best?
You should prove it soon.
Each day you loose status;
laughed out of each room.
Your Brexit is broken;
it lies dead at your feet.
There's no point delaying
such a clear-cut defeat.
What do you stall for?
Why stretch out the pain?
Is this really all worth it
to keep hold of the reins?
Whatever your leanings
this turned out a mess.
Each desperate delay
wont end your distress.
It's not about you!
So just swallow your pride;
you have failed our country
Why don't you step aside?
Pushed from Grace
I saw the news today from a city far away,
Where politicians preach to a party in dismay.
Slip-ups on all sides reveal facts they'd rather hide,
Grinning through clenched teeth as they smile off genocide.
Your propaganda machine is no longer unseen
'cos we seek out the truth on intelligent screens.
You think you can hide the poverty growing?
Put your false smile away; your corruption is showing.
The age of information? The information lies;
Full of cherry-picked populist partisan prides.
Living is learning, but our news is falsified.
How can we learn when you teach in disguise?
Your desperate grabs for power will be your undoing,
Do you see the repeat of revolt that is brewing?
Austerity acts to steal from the poor,
You reverse Robin Hood, let us show you the door.
Once trusted, now taunted as you break every pledge.
Look out on the land that you've brought to the edge
as you ***** out our world with that smile on your face.
Congratulations! our nation has fallen from grace.
You vampire of wealth.
You sink your fangs deep into the East,
Paying politicians to sate your fiery rage
as the world falls and burns around you.
The water they shed to extinguish your thirst
Could save a million more deserving than you.
The black liquid gold you gorge yourself on
seams to only increase your green-pocket greed.
Each nation will fall to your dark-motive'd desires,
And you fear for the day you become obsolete,
when the cloying grip you have on this world
falls away as we see the monster of you.
Assassin of peace.
When your life blood turns to flame,
There will be no mercy.
May you die in the shadows of a thousand lost peoples,
of a thousand lost species.
May you drown with your greed,
marked as a compilation of the evils
that you have wrought on this blood-soaked world.
Our fretting finds us every day.
Things we can't change start to get in our way.
The "who"s and the "why"s of our life are unknown,
are unknowable, and it will always be so.
We can't see the outcomes of the choices we make,
We have to keep moving and learn from mistakes.
We each get life, but more than one chance.
Most choices aren't fixed, so let's enjoy life's dance!
You are as free as you let yourself become,
don't get trapped under your own fear's thumb.
Take each day as it comes, but try and plan ahead
There's simply no need for existential dread.
Two Two Six
226 lives, will you help count the pairs?
226 lie on St George's Hall stairs
226 lives that should have been saved
226 painful premature graves
226 births turned around by pain
226 growing will never grow again
226 took their own lives away
226 felt they were free'er that way
20-1-7 proved a worrying trend
of children embracing an earlier end.
Help spread the message, help raise the alarm
Save 226 more from the same kind of harm.
The seeds are sown in ruler-straight lines
Each child has light that slowly grows
When not crushed by life or man
will blossom into truest beauty.
to express the deep and earnest wish
to show the world a child's sight
is an honour we often cast aside
in favour of less shining worth
Each cookie-cutter fact is forced
to mass-produce the "common" mind
Coin is leached from art and craft
to slow the progress of newer thoughts
Our leaders shape our eager brains
by moulding every life from birth
these silvered shores are trapped in time
Our worth in numbers cruelly assigned
That wonder of each new design
corrupted by the lines we draw
of what is right and true and sure
we halt the growth of their dancing minds
Nerd has been a title I have held proud to my name
since it was first spat in my face
as if wanting to learn was some great crime
as if gaining knowledge was to trade away
the respect of my peers, a cruel currency
that I could never hope to understand.
Penniless then, I searched for a more stable resource
carving myself a friend when one had been lost.
Building castles to run to when the words cut too deep
for cotton wool and plastic water cups to fix.
I don't look for pity, I despise the picture it paints
A victim no longer, I only wish to explain
why I love to leave this world
and seek out another that dances amongst the stars,
builds bridges between the stories on my shelves
connecting characters that will never breath, will never meet
and yet their stories twine in ribbons to a pattern I decide
A private walk is the perfect provider of empty time
to be filled by battles and journeys, by friendship and foes
director, dictator, the worlds split and collide
and I leave my body and brain to fight the thoughts that crowd,
the thoughts that dwell on problems best forgotten for now
as my mind seeks out more gentle travel companions.
A new world awaits me each time I slip outside my body
searching for my dreamed acceptance
With a sword and bow, with a moulded life and stitched persona
I belong again. for a little while.
why worry what the future holds, when I craft how each story unfolds?
Why concern myself with the real world,
when the one I paint is so much more of a comfort.
Then suddenly I am home, falling into open arms
caught out, shattering my carefully constructed falsehoods
These dreams that take over and leave my body a ghost
are not worth the time it snatches away from me.
But they are my fuel now, when the days are too full
to starve myself would break the splinters of self
that I have collected through careful tempering.
One day I will be whole enough for the glue that is stories to be melted away
and leave behind the self that I was born with
repaired after years of being broken by words
that should never have been held over the head of a child.
Why does my mind refuse to recognise
the fingers, toes, mouth and eyes?
Each scar and scrape so well known
on a body I don't always seem to own.
Plastic limbs that a stranger wears
stiffen and doubt the well-matched pairs.
The mirror shows these eyes of doubt
of the hidden self I don't let out.
The instant is gone, and control is mine.
The mirror replies "See? Everything's fine"
My eyes, and nose, my mouth and hair
shift back into place as I continue to stare.
Connection to self is a fragile gift.
To maintain it, I need a mental shift.
This vessel is a jewel I claimed at birth.
When I finally die, it returns to earth.
Brain, let me love this body of mine
so I feel no guilt when it's my time.
Let it be enjoyed to it's fullest extent
and live every second until I am spent.
Peace in Mind
60 minuets to rescue a life,
Once a week, a pitiful cost.
To coat the cracks that break a mind,
to piece together each puzzle of though
and reach clarity in ice as if it were glass.
Giving words to foggy, forgotten feelings
previously a mystery to their owner
and by shedding light, let light return
to this creature existing in shadow of shame.
Sham swept away to reveal a mocking mimicry
of joy that falls away to allow a true and natural pleasure
of life to grow from newly sown seeds.
60 minutes to save hope, once a week.
Long live mental help.
Long live the living.
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