Please tell me what you think. I am a first time story writer, and this is my first story. Please give feedback.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Intro~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Have you ever wondered about life? Life is a curious thing. You are born, only to die. This is the same process on the planet Alaapokees. Alapokians are short little fellows, with pointed ears, and rounded noses. The tallest only come up to 4 feet tall.
Alaapokees is a small planet, only 9000 kilometers round. One tribe, deep inside Depthar, the forest of the Kingland, has a dark past. Many terrible wizards have come and taken away children, and slaughtered their parents. But there is hope. One Alaapokian named Drivthar has a special power. One only known to the tribe (the tribe's name is Wertha) Drivthar himself doesn't know about it. Until one day....
Intro Over. I will add on later. Please give me feedback!
Drivthar, after going past the always entergetic Christrew, had noticed a peculiar sensation running up his spine and down again. Drivthar shuddered weakly and a voice came piped up in his mind. "It's just cold, Drivthar. Just cold... Ignore it!" Drivthar decided that was it, and kept walking his way down the hard pavement. The old battered run-down archery practice building sat peacefully between two snow-white mountains. The archery teacher was perched on a stool. As Drivthar came in talking distance of the teacher, he spoke: "Hello, Master Treknaer!" Being on his 20's, Master Treknaer fell of of the distressed-looking chair. "Drivthar!" Yelled Treknaer. "Drop and give me 50!" Traknaer was the meanest Alaapokian around, but was still a lousy shot. An old school rumor was that if you angered him enough, Treknaer would make you carry him up the two mountains. Some Alaapokians never came back. Some say they were killed by Treknaer. Others say that they "Accidentaly" fell down the mountain and had to climb the other and died from exposure. After Drivthar finished his push-ups, he very slowly rose to speak to Treknaer about how 50 push-ups wasn't fair, when he saw Treknaer wasn't there! As Drivthar looked to the south, he saw Treknaer being taken away by the king's minions! As Drivthar looked closer, he saw that was Treknaer. That was his father! As Drivthar ran home, he burst inside of his home, and saw his mother was taken! As he ran inside his neighbor's home, Gone! Gone, Gone, Gone! Only Christrew remained. He looked shaken. As Drivthar approached the Alaapokian Christew stopped Drivthar. He said queitly: "Drivthar. I think it's time you knew. About your powers.
+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+ To be continued... +_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+
Great! Just great! Is this the effect to our dear writer after having a long-week vacation? Nice job, Flappy! I'm starting to feel some excitement before the next installment..
