Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Periodic Poetry Contest - Theme: Touch of Truth (Page 390, due Jan. 28)
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First, I will post the overall rules, and then I will post the specifics about this week.
Original rules, as stated by Ubertuna:
It must fit the week's theme.
It must be submitted by the deadline.
It cannot have inappropriate language in it.
It cannot be stolen (if you plagiarize, we will find you).
Also:
The poem must be created for this contest
A user cannot win two weeks in a row (though everyone is welcome to submit every week!)
Only one submission per user will be accepted
As we all know, the winner will recieve a merit, and their poem will be featured on the _Poetry_ page.
OK, on to this week's topic...Again, we are having a style instead of a theme. Also, this week we are having TWO WEEKS to do it, instead of the usual one. Why? Because this will be an EPIC poem. Or, rather, a parody of an epic poem. Generally, epic poetry is very long, and tells the serious story of a heroic figure. Well, this week, the epic figure is YOU! Write a long poem (I'll leave the definition of 'long' up to you, but give it a good go) about the heroic story of you! It can be silly, serious, whatever... just have fun with it. You have two weeks, so have a great time!
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Jolly Old St Stropius
Jolly Old St Stropius,
Was really quite gay.
Hey liked to wear pantyhose,
Each and every day.
Someday he liked to wear skirts,
Without some underwear.
But one day a wind did blow,
And everyone was scared.
The timing isn't perfect!
kINGrYAN
lolol this is fun. when is this contest over?
This one is going to be over on Thursday, since my wife and I are visiting her parents for the holidays. There will be no more contests after hat until January '09. Unless another mod wants to cover for me :P
I decided to post this, just for the lulz. It is an epic ballad, describing how Strop became aware of his duty to be a ninja santa.
The Ballad of the Strop
Strop, the merry ninja of the holidays,
He loved the season, he did in so many ways
You could say, he saw the time,
As being divine!
He would visit children, as they slept,
But not like pedobear, they never wept,
His task was something, altogether new,
It did not have goo!
Creeping ninja, ninja strop...
Without a sound, without a clop,
He would stop, at every bed,
And place by their heads!
Candied throwing stars,
Delicious sword canes,
Along with lots of,
Instruments of pain!
Now it is time for the
REFRAINNNN!!!!
No mater what you do,
He'll always come to you,
And bring you dangerous gifts,
Woo hoo!
One day, very long ago,
Of the holidays, Strop didn't know,
Living in a ninja cave, so deep,
Strop would just sleep!
Until one day, one uber pwnage day,
Strop was lucky, as lucky as a ninja may,
There cam a man, his name was Mortimer,
And he told Strop of something Christmasy that rhymes with Mortimer!
Mortimer told Strop, with a lot of dread,
For if the sensei knew, he'd have his head,
Strop had a sacred duty, an important task,
It was of this he asked!
So mortimer spoke,
Of things inside his brain,
Now we come,
Once again...
To my lame
REFRAIN!!!!!
To them you must go,
No matter what they know,
You must deliver dangerous toys,
Woah!
So yeah, that's what I have so far. I'm too lazy right now to write more. You guys can add a couple verses if you'd like, though
*plz delete fail post and leave this one*
Is there any meter in that, ubertuna? I cannot find it. I fail! D:
Now, I might as well join the group of people who molest good ol' Christmas songs. I'll gnaw out a parody of my favorite psalm...
You can listen to the tune here, it needs to follow it to flow well...
Also, you can view the real lyrics... And thus see how much I manipulated, and how I created...
Mod rest ye little AG'ers, that nothing you dismay~
For Strop the ninja pony came online this day~
To save us all from flaming powers where we had gone astray~
Oh tidings of updates and ban, updates and ban~
Oh tidings of updates and ban~
"Fear not, then," said the admin, "Let nothing you afright
This day we got a ninja of a pure horsy bright,
To free all those who message him from spammers, porn and fights."
Oh tidings of updates and ban, updates and ban~
Oh tidings of updates and ban~
Mod ban the spammers of this site, and send them through the drain,
Though many little AG'ers may stay to spam again;
Upon the ghost accounts, but not under this ninja's reign
Oh tidings of stropius joy, stropius joy~
Oh tidings of stropius joy~
s there any meter in that, ubertuna? I cannot find it. I fail! D:
Ya know, I really don't think so. I just sang it as I wrote. Not something you guys want to hear :P
can mods win the contest?
Only if they aren't judging it.
Alright, so I fixed up some of the problems and then I realized that some of the lines start off awkwardly on a different part of the foot, which attributed to part of the problem in the first place. If judging is on Thursday, I won't have time to fix it up some more.
The Night Before Judging
'Twas the night before judging on some cold winter date,
I dashed 'cross the snow 'cause I had run late.
The poems were written and submitted to 'tuna,
Who, in place of Strop, was now the kahuna.
The poets were tired but stayed late awake,
While they dreamt of the prize that home they would take,
And I, dressed in wool from the top to the bottom,
Wished very much that the season was autumn,
When inside the guild for the poet and reader
Came such a commotion I feared for the leader.
I ran to the windows and peered through the glass,
But no one was inside and I thought, Alas!
Something had happened since the lights were all out.
It had to be terrible, of that I've no doubt.
I went to the door and pushed on the handle,
Turned to my right, lit a match, then a candle.
I searched up and down from the attic to basement,
Then inside and out from the chimney to casement,
And as I suspected not a poet was there,
No pencil, no paper, not even a hair.
No Parsat, no Zootsuit, no adrecka_33,
Gone 'tuna, Estel and that ManUtd!
No aaron, no Lynoth, no mvpguy,
No hero, nor necro, not even jedi!
Like a leaf on the wind they had all disappeared,
But all of this silence I'd found the most weird.
There was only one thing that could be so quiet,
Especially after that racket and riot.
And then in a flash of a blade made of steel,
I knew who it was as my face hit his heel.
His outline I saw from my place on the ground,
A ninja there standing not making a sound.
He was dressed all in black from his head to his toe.
He hadn't even left a mark in the snow.
A hammer of ban he had 'gainst his shoulder,
So strong that it could demolish a boulder.
His eyes were the part of his face only seen,
But cold was his stare like he was a machine.
His equine-like muzzle stood out from his face,
The only thing that looked much out of place.
A sharp pointy kunai he held in his hand,
As if he's considering where it would land.
I hoped not my face and I hoped not my belly,
And I hoped not the hammer, too, it'd smush me to jelly.
He was vengeful and spiteful, that ninja Straw Pony,
Especially if you thought his ninjutsu was phony.
The kunai he threw barely missed my head;
He wouldn't have missed if he wanted me dead!
But he spoke not a word and retrieved his thrown blade
While flat on the floor I continually laid.
Without blinking an eye to the shadows he faded,
And out of the guild that he had just invaded,
But out of the silence his voice could be heard
In a crisp clear hush I caught every word,
As he left to spread more of his holiday fear,
"If you make fun of me I will ban you, ya hear?"
LOL some of these are just so...well just excuse me while I go to that corner and die of embarrassment. I guess you won't be needing to ban me for my last poem uber xD
Strop, the Christmas Ninja
Strop, the Christmas Ninja lived by the sea
And frolicked in the Bulletins in a website called AG,
Little Dan McNeely loved that rascal Strop,
And brought him Swords and Shurikens and other fancy stuff. oh
Strop, the Christmas Ninja lived by the sea
And frolicked in the Bulletins in a website called AG,
Strop, the Christmas Ninja lived by the sea
And frolicked in the Bulletins in a website called AG.
Together they would travel on a boat with billowed sail
Danny kept a lookout perched on Strop's gigantic tail,
Noble kings and princes would bow whene'er they came,
Pirate ships would lower their flag when Strop roared out his name. oh!
Strop, the Christmas Ninja lived by the sea
And frolicked in the Bulletins in a website called AG,
Strop, the Christmas Ninja lived by the sea
And frolicked in the Bulletins in a website called AG.
A ninja lives forever but not so little boys
Ninja stars and giant Swords make way for other toys.
One grey night it happened, Dan McNeely came no more
And Strop that mighty ninja, he ceased his fearless roar.
His head was bent in sorrow, Black robes fell like rain,
Strop no longer went to play along the cherry lane.
Without his life-long friend, Strop could not be brave,
So Strop that mighty ninja sadly slipped into his cave. oh!
Strop, the Christmas Ninja lived by the sea
And frolicked in the Bulletins in a website called AG,
Strop, the Christmas Ninja lived by the sea
And frolicked in the Bulletins in a website called AG.
*repeatedly smashes Strop's corpse with banhammer*
Stop violating me! >:O
I thought 'tuna used a ban fish?
Oh god... 'tuna violating Strop with a giant fish... I do not want these mental images... Strop, darn you!!!
Actually, I think we can trace the blame all the way back to Parsat for posting that quote :P
Hmmm... I would do so much better doing a story instead....
The autumn went with storm and rain
On came the winter but snow never came
Living in South have one real flaw
No snow on Christmas no none at all
For a ninja that's good
put for a child not so much
And the rock staring pony
had had enough of the fuzz.
So he went to a hill
and cried to the storm
It should bring winter
And now it should come
He cried and he cried
But no winter came
So he though to himself
"Hmm, I need rain"
So he used all his power
and all of his might
and that book of his
to make it all right
So when Christmas came
the streets where all filled
with the loveliest snow
From the North it was ... Taken.
//Bad poeming.
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