It was a sad day for armorgames...it was maybe 6 months ago. Our founder, and something of god, Daniel McNeely, had passed away. Of what? Well, Prostate Cancer (because he was too stubborn to get an exam), and about 1 million spam bots, and another 1 million ghosts, that haunted ArmorLand. Daniel went out in a blast, however, he had slaughtered almost all of the spam bots, and revoked half of the ghosts. He did it all by himself, how was he killed? The 3 spamlords, had destroyed him. His sucsessor, Carlie, was then put in charge in the ArmorCastle (Most of the places I will be talking about is Here Thank you strop for the well illustrated map), and hunted down the 3 spamlords whom killed our honest and great king. Carlie Ruled over ArmorLand for another 3 months, it was quiet, but she had ignored the hauntings, especially fluent in the Tavern. Many Drunks were possessed and killed during her Term. We thought that it was still okay, however. We praised Carlie. Sadly, her term was not as long as we had hoped, she soon died. Of what? Murder. Crowds of people came to the meeting hall, and the ArmorCastle, ranting, raving, rioting, and hatespamming of this terrible crime. "Who could have murdered Carlie?!" Everyone shouted. Indeed, it was a sad time. After this, the Mods had done something they almost NEVER done before, they argued with each other. The arguments and debates never ceased, and then, it turned to flames. War broke out in ArmorLand! Some people flee'd to the gates, but using their mighty ban-tools, the Moderators crushed the fleeing users, and captured those who might survive the mighty blow. Those who were captured were either brainwashed, raped, or enslaved. Oddly, Ubertuna had never went into the moderation wars, he stayed at the ArmorCastle, completely unknowing of this terrible instance! He had been too busy fighting off several armies, some of which from the moderators themselves, trying to either defile or conquer the Castle, taking it for themselves. Zoph had been fighting with Strop for the Imaginarium and the other artistry sectors of Armorland, mainly composed to the south. Strop took over alot of the North, and some of the west as well. Moegreche had completely exiled and pushed back strops efforts to capture the debate area of ArmorLand. Using large, mechanical constructs of stone and powerful Logick (majick + logic), that crushed the users mind with pure sense, and that won every debate. Moegreche has two, extremely large Contructs, which he calls the Sentenials that stand guard out his Mansion. Zoph has a castle made entirely out of paintings and sculptures, and has a garden/field of mazzelhs, which tend to sleep with her. Her good friend Cenere is her right hand man, and has a regemin of warriors modeled after her character Kai. Ubertuna stays at his post, constantly fighting in a valiant battle against the riots of the ArmorLanders. He is a great soul, indeed. There was but one force to stop the madness (SPARTAAAAA) of the Moderation wars. That was called the Syndicate, a group of long time users that go into the tavern for secret meetings, telling each other of the moderators plans. Most of the people in the Syndicate are club members. Sadly, clubs were the first to be enslaved. The Moderation wars have just begun.
WHOO, I've been thinking of this concept of the Moderation Wars for a couple days, I hope you guys all like, since ArmorGames themed stories seem to be pretty popular nowadays.
BTW skater and thoad either of you gonna say anything on the Zombie Survival Club.Its been pushed back on the second page already...Anyways I am not surprised there are actual ghost accounts like that,as there are accounts with names for everything it seems.
Dirty blonde. It have become darker with age. He was a pure blonde as a kid.
I am slightly 'ugh' due to portrayal (and madly trying to figure out who those actions represent, as Cen, Me, Kai, Fallen, *longer list of names here* would act differently. Hmm... Drakan might. He is rage after all. *mumble*
Okay, tried to read through it again, but found some of the actions and story somewhat confusing. I know people have been praising you for being a good author, Thoad, but some of this segments seems half done and jumpy, like thoughs on paper. I think you might have skipped important parts and just tried to write it the easiest way possible, and the segment suffers from it. The story is good, the way it is told could be better. Sadly it is hard to find a way to write some advice for stuff like that, because everyone has their own way of writing, but I guess if I just put the problems up, you might have it in mind when you write the next segment, or if you decides to rewrite the segments all together.
Okay, tried to read through it again, but found some of the actions and story somewhat confusing. I know people have been praising you for being a good author, Thoad, but some of this segments seems half done and jumpy, like thoughs on paper.
Excuse me for this, as I literally do this word for word with little - no planning, besides a few complicated plot devices. I normally just do a rough draft and forget all about it, to put it bluntly. *psst* Yeah I know I'm getting way more credit than really deserved.
Sadly it is hard to find a way to write some advice for stuff like that, because everyone has their own way of writing, but I guess if I just put the problems up, you might have it in mind when you write the next segment, or if you decides to rewrite the segments all together.
Again, I LOVE criticism, so long as it'll help me. Tell me what it is that makes you confused or helps you not enjoy the story fully, then tell me what's confusing you and I'll help explain and hopefully take care of it in future encounters.
Excuse me for this, as I literally do this word for word with little - no planning, besides a few complicated plot devices. I normally just do a rough draft and forget all about it, to put it bluntly.
Neither do I. I write when I have the thoughts to cover the paper, and that is it. It is what differs from the two of us, because you are still young and less experienced (not saying I am better here, though), and you still need to find a way arounf writing the pure thought and writing the thought that will make sense. But trust me, I have seen worse, even by authors that live of their writings. There was a time period once where everything looked like this:
The light oh those warm hands the whiteness of the skin and soft tunes from the piano
Again, I LOVE criticism, so long as it'll help me. Tell me what it is that makes you confused or helps you not enjoy the story fully, then tell me what's confusing you and I'll help explain and hopefully take care of it in future encounters.
Well, skipping from one to another. I had a hard time getting the There is no one in the machine, and there is Cen, and he is in it, and he isn't and Skater is unconscious and Skater is not uncounscious... It made me rather confused, really, mainly because it seemed like you forgot the sentence just after you read it, and they did not fit.
Well, skipping from one to another. I had a hard time getting the There is no one in the machine, and there is Cen, and he is in it, and he isn't and Skater is unconscious and Skater is not uncounscious... It made me rather confused, really, mainly because it seemed like you forgot the sentence just after you read it, and they did not fit.
That's probably what happened, and let me clea up something about the Cen thing. The optic eye is a screen, from which Cen can see outside of it using the magic ink, when his face turned on the optic eye, it just meant that he put the window both ways. Sorry for the confusion, lol. I do see your point though, and I'll try my best to stop that, heh.
Especiall when I have to read something after having slept too little, and am feeling crappy due to hunger and lack of sleep. It somehow makes it more difficult > >...
The optic eye is a screen, from which Cen can see outside of it using the magic ink, when his face turned on the optic eye, it just meant that he put the window both ways
It had an empty cockpit
Yes, I was confused...
Anyway, lack of ICness, but I have already said that... And... Try to seperate parts where it goes from one place to another. Especially when it shifted to the dojo. Would have been nice with double linebreak there to emphasize the change of location.
Anyway, lack of ICness, but I have already said that... And... Try to seperate parts where it goes from one place to another. Especially when it shifted to the dojo. Would have been nice with double linebreak there to emphasize the change of location.
ooh, sorta like in the story of faceless where I put a +++ when changing from X to C to Rolith and whatnot? I tried modeling it after a style I saw in a book called "Still Life With Crows" (great horror book, btw), where it didn't do that, not sure what it did, but I was seeing if it really did have an effect.
