My. Where do I start.
First off, ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? Christianity isn't about sliding through life on a playground slide with a lollipop in one hand and the Gospel in another, praying every time that something goes wrong and expecting God to fix every single problem on a whim!
(Alright, sorry about that, whenever I see someone misinterpreting God, or Christianity, or the Bible, I have to blow off steam and make myself heard somehow or I'll be completely illogical, biased, and filled-with-acrimony for awhile, and clearly that's not going to help you.)
Onto the matter with a level head, then:
I can't say for sure, and forgive me for presuming, but to me, it seems like you are (or were, as the case may be) more of a fair-weather Christian than anything else. I've seen and heard of many people who abandon God because of troubles in their lives; I'm friends with one for that matter. Just look around for yourself: the band "The Fray" has a song about feeling like God has abandoned whoever wrote it, and plenty of other people do things similar to what you've done. The problem is that Christianity (as I mentioned before) is not supposed to be a joyride or something shoved onto the back burner which you pick up every time goes wrong (now again, I'm sorry for presuming, and for all I know you're nothing like this). Jesus specifically said that it's going to be tough ("Pick up your cross and follow me..." as the verse goes). Now, perhaps that doesn't exactly apply to your admittedly excrutiating situation, but at the least, it should tell you that life as a Christian is no cakewalk (look what they do to Christians in Islamic states and China, for heaven's sake).
Anyway, you say that you've "even tried praying for a break," an action which I can't condemn. And I understand that you feel like God's abandoned, or ignored, or just flat out hates you, but trust me, that's about as far from the truth as possible. God answers every prayer, not just the ones that he approves. Here's the thing though: sometimes he says no. Just because you want something, even if you want it with all your being, that does not mean that you should have it. Think about it. Don't you like, say, candy, for instance? It tastes good, and it's certainly desirable. However, what we desire is not always what is good for us. After you eat an amount of candy, though you've enjoyed it, now you have a mouth full of cavities. You wanted it, but it was bad for you in the end. Do you like going to the dentist and having your teeth drilled out in agonizing pain to get a filling? Of course not! But it is good for you. Granted, that's a rather puerile analogy, but it applies to your situation. Here's an option: have you ever tried to pray for the strength to get through these difficult times? People are always asking God, "Oh God, deliver me from this, and that, and that over there too, and if you could at least diminish these problems right here, oh and I wouldn't mind a new computer while you're at it," (Let me say right now that that is HYPERBOLE. Don't take it seriously in any way apart from what I'm trying to say). That sort of prayer is just a stereotype by now. I don't blame you for doing it, however, to the contrary. I encourage it. It does produce results, sometimes. But how about this: try to go with what God has planned for you, not what you have planned for you. He's omniscient, for goodness's sake! It's like how the Bible says that God's weakness is stronger than man's strength, and His foolishness is smarter than man's intelligence (something along the lines of that). Do you think that your plan is better than his? Ask him for the strength to follow with what he wants for you (trust me, what he has for you is immensely better than you could ever imagine for yourself), and things will go in a much better way for you.
Honestly, if I could tell you everything about why you should give God a second try, and so on and so on, I'm pretty sure that I could convince you. But I know that if I go on like this and jabber on about how "Christianity is the best don't be an atheist idiot go to Jesus blah blah blah blah BLAH!" that would have the worst possible effect ever. I am almost entirely certain that every atheist reading this post has been shaking their heads and shouting, "You callow, idiotic, freaking religious FOOL!" or something along the lines of that, and that you've been doing something quite similar. Honestly, who's going to listen to some random 15-year-old nerd with opinionated ideas and internet access? So I won't bother with that.
Instead, I ask you only to do one thing: go to your pastor (Come on, you have to have had a pastor, you said it yourself that you went through thirteen years of "school full of hateful kids," don't tell me that you never went to church for all that time. However, I would suggest going to a completely non-denominational church for that; if you go to a Roman Catholic church or something, you'll get absolutely nothing of help) or family or whatever and talk to them about your problems. Honestly, right now, I'm begging you to go and do something like this soon; I don't want for you to have to live through life without God and the virtual hell that comes with it (trust me, it's a lot worse (my mom wouldn't be a sixteenth of the woman she is today if she hadn't found God)). When I look at you, I see a sight I've seen so many times before that I've lost count (No, I do not actually keep count. Don't bug me about that.) I've heard of and found so many people who are so lost and confused and nonplussed and hurting that they find themselves feeling like God hates them, or that He doesn't care or something like that that it's become a cliché by now. All I'm asking you is just one simple visit to someone that might maybe be able to help you that might take up something like two hours of your 60-year-long-or-so life.
I'm done now.
