For those of you with a photogenic memory, you'll (hopefully) remember...that a long long time ago, a NewComer decided to start his first store thread. Well, it was sort of a failure, but now that NewComer is restarting the thread. Sit back and enjoy the show.
----------------- KOA Chronicles- The Beginning
All was well in the Kingdom of Armor. For three thousand years, the country existed in a blissful golden age. The Kings had been benevolent, ruling justly. The latest of this line was King McNeely VII. He was assisted by a wise, noble council, the Council of Armor. The people were contented, all 300,000 of them. Crime level was virtually nil, except for the odd spammer. All was right, till three months ago.
The founder of the McNeely Dynasty whose name has now been lost to the ages had fought an evil being, the Naughty Sorceress Carlie at the Beginning of Time to gain control of the Kingdom and free the people whom Carlie had enslaved. He succeeded after an epic battle, banishing her to the Far North, imprisoning her in Castle Casanova. For three millennium, she bided her time, gathered her forces and retrained herself in the dark arts...
Now terror stalks the land. Carlie struck back finally, leading vast hordes from the Void across the land. The King was taken by surprise and imprisoned in a plexiglass prism, unable to break free. The Council was corrupted, a shadow of its former glorious self. One by one the great lords of the Council felt their will submitting to Carlie.
The populace was terrified; creatures of the night appeared and took them to the Sorceressâ lair, evil experiments conducted on them where their brains were altered, so they spoke in perfect grammar, spoke and talked less etc. Their freedom of speech was lost; there was acute food shortage, general mayhem... The most hated and drastic change was that SPAM meat was banned. It was a utopia, a world where spam was eradicated, but at what cost?
But not all was lost. One of the Councilmen had escaped and raised an army. The great Spamlord Jaza rose. The angry peasants flocked to his side, gathering whatever weapons they could find. Mercenary groups from around the Kingdom rushed over and joined the Grande Armee.
And so have I, Nichodemus, a knight from a poor noble family that has long been cast into destitute. I saw it as a chance to restore our fallen status, a chance to regain the favor of the court, a chance to attain unimaginable power. I brought my men of course. Hardened guards from my castle, angry for blood. Rebellion quickly ensued, chaos reigned.
The Sorceress responded with haste. The Five Corrupted Ones gathered their armies, the core of which comprised the Loyalists, men who had been tricked, coaxed to join the Sorceress. Void monsters were summoned from magical portals. War was inevitable. A chance for me to see action for once, young hot-blooded buck as I was. War was a sport, a spectacle for me.
It came. Lord Jaza trounced the Sorceress' forces at the Battle of Tortuga. He captured more than half the Kingdom. But it was not to last. The Sorceress by some unspeakable black magic conjured up the Grey Plague, and slowly Jaza started losing ground, losing fortress after fortress. The plague came like a storm, it destroyed whatever creative thought we had, turned the afflicted to mindless vegetables, incapable of anything. Just two weeks after the first battle, Jaza had lost half of his men to the epidemic.
At the last skirmish fought, the Battle of Aether, Jazaâs army was utterly massacred, weakened by disease and with little will to fight. The Sorceress' Void wizards drove Jaza's army of the battleground. Her Spam Clubbers and Troll Tamers slew all of Jazaâs men, decisively ending the battle. My guards, loyal as they were had all perished. A vicious blow from a hammer of one of the Lords almost cracked my ribs, flung me clear of my horse. Jaza was captured, and thrown into a dirty pest infected jail cell, constantly tortured to give up his spamming ways.
When the victorious army left, the battlefield was strewn with mutilated bodies, survivors groaning and lying on the ground, the ravens of war circling above. As a lone wolf gave a mournful howl, a dark figure rose weakly from the ground.
I have survived, survived the horrific screams, the brutal crushing, the maniacal laughter of that Sorceress as she speared my friends. Hungry for revenge, bitter with defeat, furious with Fate. For Jaza, for the dead, For the Kingdom...It has begun...I no longer care about any reward. I will not rest till I have killed the last of them...
(To Be Continued)
------------------ Disclaimer: Any reference to people and their names', real or fictitious is very very regrettable and unfortunate. All work was written by nichodemus though certain elements have been inspired by Armor Games, the fighting fantasy series and KOL (Kingdom of Loathing). Thank you. More will follow.
PS: Anyway, I have their permission, so all is well.
The winds blew at my tattered cloak, as the dust billowed and swept across my boots. Inhaling the bone-dry air once again, I slipped on my steel mask, as was accustomed for Lupravian nobility.
'Observe the others, but remain at the edges of the shadows. '
Those familiar words came rushing back, the words of one of my guards, just as we had arrived at Jaza's camp. Screw, it was all a bloody mistake to come. A single hot tear dripped form the maskâs eye slits.
In a land where one has few friends, I had to leave the place fast, rendezvous with them if I wanted to remain a live person.
Head North Nichodemus...
An entrancing voice hit my head...I could have sworn I saw a faint shadow from the blurred regions around my eyes. Nah, can't be anything...Nothing live here except me. I better be going, wonât want to change that sad fact.
Found my sword where I thought it would be. Buried deep in a Troll Tamer's belly. I grunted as I held Nacho up, wiping of the muck and insides of the Tamer on a nearby standard. Still as sharp as ever. Father would have been proud. I allowed myself a grim burst of laughter.
Almost collapsed before I got out of the stinking field of bone, death and blood. Shit, didn't realize I got cut up that badly. That figures.
Step one to survival in Nichodemus' Guide. Rest before traveling to some far flung place to get your DIY kit for killing baddies. Step two; always remember to bring band aids for those small little abrasions.
Small, huh, I snorted. Ah well, might as well take a rest by that tree......
The sun's faint light pierced the eyes slits of my mask, stirring me from my brief respite. Mhmmm...The drowsiness gripped me, my nose twitching from the scent of something burning. A song hit my ears, melodic music. As I looked up, at the branches, I spied something orange looking back at me. What in the name of McNeely?!
My fingers immediately unsheathed the sword in one swift moment. I jumped to my feet, grunting with the pain that wracked my whole body. With a clang, my mask tumbled to the floor as I stumbled drunkenly, that numbing pain sent me reeling. Holy McNeely, not the mask.
The sunlight caught me full in the face; I felt uncomfortable, unused to the feeling. As far back as I remembered no one had had a glimpse of my face for as long as I could recall. Groping about like a blind man, I felt around for my sacred protection; even for a Lupravian, I was considered secretive, attuned to the darkness. My face glowered with the shame, blushing red like one of the Sorceress' pet mutated lobsters.
'Who are you to trespass as such, who are you to come into the presence of me, the Prince of Lupravia as such? Speak if you wish to be considered a friend, but expect a quick blow if you stay silent!'
I spoke, lifting my sword as far as my aching arms allowed, moving into a defensive position.
Without warning, the strength left me, as quick as a Void Wizard would kill an impudent peasant. I caught myself just in time, using Nacho to steady my ground, as I fell on one knee. Great, possible hostile being nearby, and my body fails me. I should really find a healer soon, lest I die of my own accord before the Sorceress gets me. Aha, the pitiful irony. Good one homeboy.
But still there was hope. Summoning the last grains of strength within me, I nimbly drew a long thin Lupravian style dagger from my belt, sharp to perfection, deadly like a shuriken; And flung it with a grunt at the mysterious being. I felt the strength finally leaving me, like an arrow disappearing into the horizon from a bow, before collapsing utterly on the ground.
Strike first, ask questions later.
Yet another motto of my guards. With any luck the coup de grace would have been done.
And that was the last thought I had before all was darkness, the binding pain reached a crescendo as I tasted my salty blood in my mouth. The last thing I saw was an orange figure alighting softly in front of me. Damn, I had missed...
Oh yes....for those people who remembered the original KOA, I had to make changes in the character line-up, since some people left (Merciless), and I could not conteact some (Dank, Uber). Plus I know some new people around the site, so why not restructure everything?
Great description... and like gourmas..... could we?
Unfortunately no, the Mods are the bad guys. And I can't include too many people, lest it gets of track. I do not want to expand to fast, and end up destroying the story.
Unfortunately I can't. I don't know all of you fully enough to add you in the story proper. I'm only adding the people whom I know fully.
Now I should start flaming you): But I won't do it, but I can't leave you without punishment, so come at 12 o'clock outside the saloon and we will solve our problems with weapons, the internet is too small for both of us. (I always wanted to say something Clint Eastwood style)
Well guys...I've decided at last to upload some pictures of Nichodemus. I'll probably make more pictures for other characters, but that's a long time to go....
