Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Haiku Contest - Broken Bond (page 531, due: Feb 2)

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Maverick4

6,800 posts

Peasant

Posted August 24, '09 12:48am UTC

A Haiku is a Japanese lyric verse form having three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables, traditionally invoking an aspect of nature or the seasons.

Well, that said, heres the rules:

1) The Haiku must be original (no plagarizing)!
2) It must fit the weeks theme
3) It must be submitted before the deadline
4) It must be submitted for the contest (no using works previously written)
5) One Submission per user
6) The Same User cannot win twice in a row (but there welcome to submit!)

Hopefully oneday the winner could get a merit...

The Deadline will always be a Wednsday, so the deadline for the first theme will be Wednsday, September 2. The theme is The Pond

(special thanks to 'thisisnotanalt'

5,299 Replies

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killersup10

2,739 posts

Blacksmith

Posted July 23, '12 6:20pm UTC

hiding in the cave
making new experiments
ungodly hell rose

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CheapCheep

240 posts

Nomad

Posted July 25, '12 5:22pm UTC

Secret Place

Just beyond the lake
There lies a secret cavern
For the two of us

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Hermes_the_Squid

3 posts

Nomad

Posted July 25, '12 7:35pm UTC

The trees sway softly,
The birds chirp a cheery tune,
Summer is now here

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acmed

3,517 posts

Nomad

Posted July 27, '12 1:16pm UTC

What's up party people?

Just letting you know that I'm back from vacation and will be judging on the 29th! Everyone say thank you to dudeguy. *glares at the children*

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Darktroop07

3,592 posts

Shepherd

Posted July 28, '12 12:59am UTC

your secret Place
Isolated place.
Hidden under your darkness.
Alone just for me.
~DT07

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EmperorPalpatine

9,439 posts

Jester

Posted July 28, '12 2:48am UTC

Reclusive palace,
Filled with thoughts of solitude,
Forever concealed.

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GhostOfMatrix

15,595 posts

Herald

Posted July 29, '12 8:53pm UTC

Lights out, so peaceful;
stressless, where dreams seem solid.
My sanctuary.

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acmed

3,517 posts

Nomad

Posted July 30, '12 3:08am UTC

Hey party pals! Acmed is back and ready as... crack!

I'm totally gonna copy off dudeguy's format of judging because to be honest, he's making me look bad. And plus, we need to regain the contest's former glory. So let's begin, shall we?
_____________________________________________________________________

The Less Detailed 50 Shades of Grey Award: rayoflight3

There once was a man,
and there once was a woman.
Sexy timez in bed.

This one really brought out emotion. I'm totally kidding. This one was very kid friendly indeed. Get Schoolastic on the phone bro. You got potential.

The Oxymoron for Morons Award: MoonFairy

Chirping of the birds,
Yet silence is all around,
Consumed by the green.

Consumed by the green kind of confused me there. Green as in grass? Specify? The two first lines made up for it, but in order to make a great haiku, every line has to matter. It's short poetry. Try again next time.

Poems of Matrimony Award: IC41

Hidden in my heart
You will have a special place
Now and forever

The detail itself was bit blank for me to really enjoy it. I think the lovey dovey thing made it worse. If it were interesting as an image, I would enjoy it more.

ERMAGHERD ITZ ZUMMER Award: Hermes_the_Squid

The trees sway softly,
The birds chirp a cheery tune,
Summer is now here

I like the fact you chose a season as your secret place. No one else seem to have done that. The two The's in the second and third line kind of made it sound odd. The last line was maybe a little too cliche. But other than that, not a bad attempt

The Couch Pillow Fort Award: CheapCheap

Just beyond the lake
There lies a secret cavern
For the two of us

I imagined the two first lines as a beautiful view. They were very well written. The last one didn't explain much. The two of us? Who? You and your girlfriend? Friend? Family? I would either change the last line, or specify it. Good job other than that.

Noble Hell Rise Prize: killersup10

hiding in the cave
making new experiments
ungodly hell rose

Ungodly. That word stood out in this one. A wonderful way to finish it, which kind of made up for the middle line. A bit dull and generic for a crazy man in the cave.

Darkness is Pretty Award: GhostofMatrix

Lights out, so peaceful;
stressless, where dreams seem solid.
My sanctuary.

This is the first one I've seen so far without mentioning the literal term of the theme. I can see a man closing his eyes in the night, mind at work and letting everything be. I have nothing bad to say. Your sanctuary is well written dude! Keep it up!

Emperor's Dungeon Award: EmperorPalpatine

Reclusive palace,
Filled with thoughts of solitude,
Forever concealed.

I like the trapped theme of this one. Each line contributed to the poem's rhythm in a certain way. They match up greatly with eachother, and that makes a well written haiku. Bravo to you!

"i went 1way, butt den i whent, da odder way" Award: Darktroop07

Isolated place.
Hidden under your darkness.
Alone just for me.

This is the same as the previous one. They all contribute to the theme you placed. But the difference between yours and Emp's, is that you don't have a set in stone theme. That's fine, just a bit confusing. Under YOUR darkness turns into alone just for ME. A bit iffy, but it was a good one overall.

_____________________________________________________________________

Okay, so after a good 5 hours of procrastinating watching Olympic Women Volleyball, I finished. And the victor, is our good ol friend...

GHOSTOFMATRIX!

He had one hell of a haiku, and gets a mer... ry go round!

Good job to everyone! Thanks for participating! Now, I'd still like feedback on my judging. Better than before? Hope so. LET'S BRING BACK THE HAIKU CONTEST TO ITS GLORY!

Here's a kick in the nuts for ya: Message in a Bottle. YA YOU LIKE DAT IDIOT.

Due August 5th.

Happy Haiku'ing, peace to your mother.

Hey party pals! Acmed is back and ready as... crack!\r\n\r\nI'm totally gonna copy off dudeguy's format of judging because to be honest, he's making me look bad. And plus, we need to regain the contest's former glory. So let's begin, shall we?\r\n_____________________________________________________________________\r\n\r\n[b]The Less Detailed 50 Shades of Grey Award[/b]: [i]rayoflight3[/i]\r\n\r\n[i]There once was a man,\r\nand there once was a woman.\r\nSexy timez in bed.[/i]\r\n\r\nThis one really brought out emotion. I'm totally kidding. This one was very kid friendly indeed. Get Schoolastic on the phone bro. You got potential.\r\n\r\n[b]The Oxymoron for Morons Award:[/b] [i]MoonFairy[/i]\r\n\r\n[i]Chirping of the birds,\r\nYet silence is all around,\r\nConsumed by the green.[/i]\r\n\r\nConsumed by the green kind of confused me there. Green as in grass? Specify? The two first lines made up for it, but in order to make a great haiku, every line has to matter. It's short poetry. Try again next time.\r\n\r\n[b]Poems of Matrimony Award[/b]: [i]IC41[/i]\r\n\r\n[i]Hidden in my heart\r\nYou will have a special place\r\nNow and forever[/i]\r\n\r\nThe detail itself was bit blank for me to really enjoy it. I think the lovey dovey thing made it worse. If it were interesting as an image, I would enjoy it more.\r\n\r\n[b]ERMAGHERD ITZ ZUMMER Award[/b]: [i]Hermes_the_Squid[/i]\r\n\r\n[i]The trees sway softly,\r\nThe birds chirp a cheery tune,\r\nSummer is now here[/i]\r\n\r\nI like the fact you chose a season as your secret place. No one else seem to have done that. The two The's in the second and third line kind of made it sound odd. The last line was maybe a little too cliche. But other than that, not a bad attempt\r\n\r\nT[b]he Couch Pillow Fort Award[/b]: [i]CheapCheap[/i]\r\n\r\n[i]Just beyond the lake\r\nThere lies a secret cavern\r\nFor the two of us[/i]\r\n\r\nI imagined the two first lines as a beautiful view. They were very well written. The last one didn't explain much. The two of us? Who? You and your girlfriend? Friend? Family? I would either change the last line, or specify it. Good job other than that.\r\n\r\n[b]Noble Hell Rise Prize:[/b] [i]killersup10  [/i]  \r\n\r\n[i]hiding in the cave\r\nmaking new experiments\r\nungodly hell rose[/i]\r\n\r\nUngodly. That word stood out in this one. A wonderful way to finish it, which kind of made up for the middle line. A bit dull and generic for a crazy man in the cave. \r\n\r\n[b]Darkness is Pretty Award[/b]: [i]GhostofMatrix[/i]\r\n\r\n[i]Lights out, so peaceful;\r\nstressless, where dreams seem solid.\r\nMy sanctuary.[/i]\r\n\r\nThis is the first one I've seen so far without mentioning the literal term of the theme. I can see a man closing his eyes in the night, mind at work and letting everything be. I have nothing bad to say. Your sanctuary is well written dude! Keep it up!\r\n\r\n[b]Emperor's Dungeon Award:[/b] [i]EmperorPalpatine[/i]\r\n\r\n[i]Reclusive palace,\r\nFilled with thoughts of solitude,\r\nForever concealed.[/i]\r\n\r\nI like the trapped theme of this one. Each line contributed to the poem's rhythm in a certain way. They match up greatly with eachother, and that makes a well written haiku. Bravo to you!\r\n\r\n[b]"i went 1way, butt den i whent, da odder way" Award[/b]: [i]Darktroop07[/i]\r\n\r\n[i]Isolated place.\r\nHidden under your darkness.\r\nAlone just for me.[/i]\r\n\r\nThis is the same as the previous one. They all contribute to the theme you placed. But the difference between yours and Emp's, is that you don't have a set in stone theme. That's fine, just a bit confusing. Under YOUR darkness turns into alone just for ME. A bit iffy, but it was a good one overall.\r\n\r\n_____________________________________________________________________\r\n\r\nOkay, so after a good 5 hours of procrastinating watching Olympic Women Volleyball, I finished. And the victor, is our good ol friend...\r\n\r\n[b]GHOSTOFMATRIX![/b]\r\n\r\nHe had one hell of a haiku, and gets a mer... ry go round!\r\n\r\n[img]http://selfmadefitness.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/merry_go_round-01.jpg[/img]\r\n\r\nGood job to everyone! Thanks for participating! Now, I'd still like feedback on my judging. Better than before? Hope so. LET'S BRING BACK THE HAIKU CONTEST TO ITS GLORY!\r\n\r\nHere's a kick in the nuts for ya: [b]Message in a Bottle[/b]. YA YOU LIKE DAT IDIOT.\r\n\r\nDue [b]August 5th.[/b]\r\n\r\nHappy Haiku'ing, peace to your mother.

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MoonFairy

3,386 posts

Shepherd

Posted July 30, '12 9:11am UTC

Guess I didn't do so well in conveying a forest, eh? Didn't think it would be to hard to figure out, but oh well. I don't know why I have this feeling that you called me a moron, but I'm not a bad sport. Congrats to Matrix, and I do hope I'll do better next time.

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GhostOfMatrix

15,595 posts

Herald

Posted July 30, '12 12:48pm UTC

Thanks. First I got some turnips, and now a merry go round. It would be better if it was a trip to Disney World, but I can't complain.

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Salvidian

4,170 posts

Farmer

Posted July 30, '12 7:12pm UTC

Could you try to be a little more serious?

For example:

Here's a kick in the nuts for ya: Message in a Bottle. YA YOU LIKE DAT IDIOT.

Try and show a little professionalism. You're doing something that plenty of other people would love to do, and you're kind of treating it like a joke.

Instead, try and say things like,

Here's the next up-and-coming theme: MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE. Good luck to everyone participating!

I guess I just don't like how you say things like kick in the nuts, or you like that, idiot. It isn't very nice and I feel its pushing some possible participants away. I know you're trying to be funny, but back off a little bit. You're a poetry judge, not a comedian.

-Steps of Soapbox-

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wolf1991

3,437 posts

Farmer

Posted July 30, '12 7:44pm UTC

Waves and wind carry
Messages to unknown shores
About a man's dream.

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CheapCheep

240 posts

Nomad

Posted July 30, '12 7:48pm UTC

Last time wasn't specific. Pfffft, critics...

Message in A Bottle

My pencil and I
Get working on this letter
And send it ashore

*Just then, the writer suffers a fatal heart attack realizing he sucks at these contests*

*So he makes up another haiku for the fun of it*

Writer's Block

My head hits the desk
I cant think of anything
Worth writing right now

*I am bored out of my mind. I have had writers block for a long time now. There's nothing to do. *

Good luck whoever wins cause' right now I cant write for crap.

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CheapCheep

240 posts

Nomad

Posted July 30, '12 7:58pm UTC

And now, let me start out by pointing out some of the things the critic had to say about me...Because I am now a critic to the critic.

Critic-ception...

The Couch Pillow Fort Award: CheapCheap

CheapCheep. Not CheapCheap. That sounds like some annoying bird species. Dont get me started on "Pillow Forts".

I imagined the two first lines as a beautiful view. They were very well written.

Thank you.

The last one didn't explain much. The two of us? Who? You and your girlfriend? Friend? Family?

I liked your first 2 lines...in your critique. Let me clarify something. Family with me in a secret hiding spot. More than likely, I would be AWAY from my family. (Dont ask) Friend? Probably not, two "friends" in a secret cavern? That sounds like an old perv leading children into the sewer. Girlfriend? Yes. I was trying to let the reader INFERENCE who I was with.

I would either change the last line, or specify it.

Well there you go. I specified it. Done.

Good job...

Thank you...again.

...other than that.

Ego. Deflated.

Anyway, not trying to be mean. This is for clarification purposes only (and to make me laugh every time I read it).

And now, let me start out by pointing out some of the things the critic had to say about me...Because I am now a critic to the critic.\r\n\r\nCritic-ception...\r\n\r\n[quote]The Couch Pillow Fort Award: CheapCheap[/quote]\r\n\r\nCheapCheep. Not CheapCheap. That sounds like some annoying bird species. Dont get me started on "Pillow Forts".\r\n\r\n[quote]I imagined the two first lines as a beautiful view. They were very well written.[/quote]\r\n\r\nThank you.\r\n\r\n[quote]The last one didn't explain much. The two of us? Who? You and your girlfriend? Friend? Family?[/quote]\r\n\r\nI liked your first 2 lines...in your critique. Let me clarify something. Family with me in a secret hiding spot. More than likely, I would be AWAY from my family. (Dont ask) Friend? Probably not, two "friends" in a secret cavern? That sounds like an old perv leading children into the sewer. Girlfriend? Yes. I was trying to let the reader INFERENCE who I was with.\r\n\r\n[quote]I would either change the last line, or specify it. [/quote]\r\n\r\nWell there you go. I specified it. Done.\r\n\r\n[quote]Good job...[/quote]\r\n\r\nThank you...again.\r\n\r\n [quote]...other than that.[/quote]\r\n\r\n:( Ego. Deflated.\r\n\r\nAnyway, not trying to be mean. This is for clarification purposes only (and to make me laugh every time I read it).

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acmed

3,517 posts

Nomad

Posted July 30, '12 8:00pm UTC

I guess I just don't like how you say things like kick in the nuts, or you like that, idiot. It isn't very nice and I feel its pushing some possible participants away. I know you're trying to be funny, but back off a little bit. You're a poetry judge, not a comedian.

I say what comes to mind. Kick in the nuts comes from a Youtube video from McGoiter, and the like that idiot is from Mario Twins. I say what's on my mind. It makes it a little bit more fun for me.

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