Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.
One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesusâ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
In 1991, Chuck Norris shot a 14 on an 18 hole golf course, falling short of his personal best by 2 strokes.
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in a bowling alley.
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Chuck Norris to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is Chuck Norris now looking for candy after he kicks his victims.
Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry.
