There is this girl I met my senior year at college (a few months ago). We got along well, and we are good friends (with benefits) lol and we hung out a lot. We also got very physical a lot. We did use protection, always, and we really have no reason to worry about a pregnancy. However, this brought up a conversation between us.
Now, this girl has had a lot of screwed up, idiot guys in her past. I mean like dead beat morons and stuff. (there's more to it but I won't go into that) She always says "oh i wont report them for sexual harassment, he's got a wife and kids it would ruin his life!" (This kinda sums it up)
So now we get into this conversation about "what if she got pregnant". I am now 22 years old, and graduated with a bachelor's degree. I have a full time job working security at a mall, and I am working on getting a better job (with my degree, etc). This girl tells me that she would not tell me if she was pregnant (with my child) because it would wreck my life....
I already told her when she asked, that I would want her to tell me. I know her screw up guys of her past would maybe want to not know and avoid responsibility. I told her however, that I would want to know, and be there for my child, etc.
She now says that she would wait, maybe 1 or 2 years AFTER the birth to tell me. I think this is kind of screwed up. I don't want a child now, but if she got pregnant from me, I would step up, be the father, take responsibility, and be in my child's life. But she wouldn't tell me about it???
Has anyone ever had this problem happen? Or even heard of this? This is so new and a little ridiculous to me. I really don't understand.
I guess this thread is kind of just random, and to see if anyone has ever had this problem, or has any insight into the situation. Maybe, like why she might be doing this, or what may be going on???!!!
Geez People! look from the girls POV! Would you really wanna go tell a guy that he is a father?! Even if it would seem like the right thing to do, she might be afraid of totally screwing up that guys life! If she had a kid, she would probably think that she is doing the best thing for her kid and for you. And if you don't wanna settle down and make a commitment, she doesnt HAVE to tell you.
I am looking from a girl's POV! I am a girl! I've also been in a relationship like this. I can see pros and cons to telling the father. If it ever happened to me, I would tell the father. I would want a father figure in my child's life. I lacked one growing up, and it sucks. Honestly, so what if it screws up the father's life, the mother's life is just as screwed up. It's what you make of it that really matters.
If you're friends (with benefits) that implies that you simply are friends with sex, right? Completely casual and you just want a f*ck-buddy. Therefore, I wouldn't tell you either. You don't sound too responsible, dude.
Is it possible she simply told you this to get you to react, pretty much like this? Maybe she no longer wants to simply be friends with benefits, and she threw this curve ball into your head, to make you jump in her direction.
Personally, I think it's a pretty mean mind game she is playing. I would take the clue, and run. Would you really want to be close to someone who can't even be honest with you, especially with something as important as a pregnancy?
Oh, and Mr. 22 with a degree, what form of protection are you using that doesn't have a chance of failure? I don't know of one, not the pill, not condoms, nada.
Wow, 22 is a bit young isn't it? I dunno cause I'm just 13.
But still, I think she just don't want to destroy your life or something because 1-2 years of taking care of a baby is such a hell you know? I've taken care of my little sister and hell it was hard. I felt like 1/4 dead. All the crying at the night and changing diaper (changing diaper was like running into fire without any clothes on) and stuff.
I agree with IgnoreMe lol. And SnakeBite, DUH IM A FRIGGIN GIRL TOO. I would feel sorry for a guy with this username XD If you want to take responsibilities for a kid, MARRY THE GIRL. If you already got a nice little buddy for bed, make it for life. Screwin around with other people too doesn't lead to anywhere good, and if you would throw a lil hissy fit over her not tellin you that she was pregnant, then make it official. I firmly believe in sex after marriage. It is called making love is it not? Why would you do something THAT physically personal, without having a strong emotional feelings for that person?
This is so new and a little ridiculous to me. I really don't understand.
It takes two to make a baby. It seems pretty unfair for someone to keep the information that you fathered a child from you. Whether or not you wanted to be involved is a decision you should be able to make, not her.
The hell? The kid is yours too bud. She has no right to just chill for a year before telling you.
Yeah that's what I'm trying to say.
If you were told, maybe she thinks it would put a bigger strain on you to finish school quick and get a job to support.
Well I already graduated and have a full time job.
Would you really wanna go tell a guy that he is a father?! Even if it would seem like the right thing to do, she might be afraid of totally screwing up that guys life!
This is what I am saying pisses me off! Not telling me of my child because she wouldn't want to "screw up my life"? What about her life and the child's without a father??? I'm the one who isn't in school anymore and has a job too.... although I realize that's not always the case.
People brought up some good points for discussion.
- Is 22 too young to be having physical relations?
I personally don't think so...most people I know have been with others much before this age.... but discuss?
- The whole sex/marriage thing. Should you wait to have sex until marriage?
I will give one opinion on this matter. What if you wait a while until marriage, then you finally get married and decide to have sex. What if it sucks? What if you aren't physically "compatible". If one/two of you are not happy with the physical aspects that's a pretty big deal.
I agree with IgnoreMe lol. And SnakeBite, DUH IM A FRIGGIN GIRL TOO. I would feel sorry for a guy with this username XD If you want to take responsibilities for a kid, MARRY THE GIRL. If you already got a nice little buddy for bed, make it for life. Screwin around with other people too doesn't lead to anywhere good, and if you would throw a lil hissy fit over her not tellin you that she was pregnant, then make it official. I firmly believe in sex after marriage. It is called making love is it not? Why would you do something THAT physically personal, without having a strong emotional feelings for that person?
So the kid should only be mine if I marry her, otherwise it's only her child?
Screwing around doesn't lead anywhere good? What???
And what is wrong with getting upset that I wouldn't know my child? The hell is wrong with you? Why should I have to marry her to be able to have the child that is mine?
