I'm currently going through a divorce. I have 2 daughters 6 and 4. I would like to avoid problems that other parents may have made. I know that my kids are probably younger than the average age of users, but I hope you may all be able to add your positive and negative experiences to my rather lacking understanding of a kids point of view.
well my parents have been divorced since I was too... Don't fight in front of them because it really is annoying and gets aggravating. Act the same toward them as you did before and treat them as good as you did before. All because your going through a divorce your parenting doesn't have to change. Bring them on a vacation during the summer if you can and spend as much time with them as possible. This makes a big deal, who gets custody?
my parent got divorced when i was six but all you need to really do is treat them with alot of love and affection. and like Dust said
Don't fight in front of them
it can scare the a kids alot to see their parents fighting. i don't have much of a memory of when i was little but i was really scared when my parents fought. thats the best advice i can give and i hope its works out well Grendel
Something to add in the more lawful terms, I would recommend doing a "full custody" where one parent has full responsibility over the kids, while the other has the right to visit and interact with the children every now and then. While this can be very tear-jerking initially, this will be much better than a "split custody" where both parents split the responsibility and would have to take turns taking care of the children. Aside from the stress of dropping your kids off and picking them up, it is particularly stressing on the kids themselves for having to spend time going back and forth. With a full custody, they stay in one spot and take the full care from one parent. As young as they are, this may be the best solution, all things considered.
In my idealistic perspective, I would always say "try and work things out for the kids!" but if such a thing cannot be done, then I would 100% go for a full custody. Have your children decide which parent they would like to live with and support them every step of the way, no matter how much they protest. It will all be better for them in the long run.
I hope things go as smooth as possible for you guys.
"PS: Hope that wasn't out of line, but it makes a big difference on how smoothly things can go. OH and "too" means two in my previous post"
No it was not out of line. It was constructive and well received. She is getting Full custody, while I have visitation rights. We both know to not fight in front of the kids. For that matter we are getting along better now than we did before. Which helps.
I just had a tear jerking day the other day and wanted to get some input from how a kid sees it.
So basically just try to keep promises and be the same person to them?
My parents divorced when I was very young. I didn't know that they were divorced until I was 5 or so. Then I cried for a bit at different times at night. Soon when I turned 6 I started to think that everything was going to be okay.
Now I live with my mom, and my dad comes to see me on the weekends. I get to hang out with him and he's a great dad.
I still don't know what happened between them. I try not to talk about it that much, it makes everything a bit awkward when it does come up.
I've been fine with my parents divorced. When I was young it was a bit traumatizing because they would fight all the time and it would get scary sometimes. But I'm fine.
I had my 6 year old ask me why Her mother and I were getting divorced. Telling the truth with out getting into details proved to need a little bit of quick thinking.
My parents almost had a divorce a few years ago, and for quite a while I felt that it had been my fault, and really that destroyed me. You have to remember to constantly remind them that it wasn't their fault that you two are splitting up.
I'm currently going through a divorce. I have 2 daughters 6 and 4.
Sucks for them...sucks for all of you.
I know that my kids are probably younger than the average age of users, but I hope you may all be able to add your positive and negative experiences to my rather lacking understanding of a kids point of view.
Anything specific you would like to know? My dad has been divorced twice; once when I was 2(I don't remember that one), and the second time when I was 8. I think that the best thing you can do is to just tell them and get it over with. I mean, I know that sounds harsh and all, but they are going to find out anyway. It's best not to let them get their hopes up that their parents are going to stay together only to have them crushed later on, trust me. And another thing, I would also not fight in front of them. Remember that your spouse and yourself probably still both care for your children, and if you start to argue in front of them, take it outside or something. Separate rooms don't really work because the shouting becomes audible. Another thing you should make sure to do that I don't think most people would think of is not to fight in front of other people at all, especially their[the childrens'] friends. That is extremely embarrassing and it's something I think we'd all like to avoid. Also; make sure they know it isn't their fault, and that it is nothing to be ashamed of. I offer my condolences; I think I get that it sucks for all parties involved.
My parents nearly went through a divorce but thankfully they worked things out, they would fight infront of myself and my brothers and it just made me feel like crap, we were always assured it wasnt our fault. The best thing you can do is just be straight with your kids and explain whats happening and whats going to happen and why.
my parents are divorced since i was 10. i cant really add much to what people already said but i think one of the most important thing is to not make the children feel presure when talking about one family side with the other one. im 17 now and i still feel kind of afraid when both my sides are together weather they really are or just in a convo.
oh and one last thing. even if you feel you have to get closer to them just because your not leaving with them anymore you shouldnt overeact. if youl try too hard it will lead to preasure again and might create a competition of the parents to gain the childrens love. its really hard to grow up like this because the children start to feel that they have to satisfy the parents and not the oposite. i really hope this helps and good luck. lol and one really last thing. after things will calm down alittle you could try to erange something with your children and your mother but only if your sure your not fighting anymore.
My parents divorced when I was really young. I used to go to dad's every second weekend but then he went to England for 3 years and since he got back our relationship hasn't been great. Not to mention he's extremely rich and won't pay school fees and is an *** half the time :/ I guess I still love him and stuff, but... anyway.
My parents divorced when I was 10 years old. Though I dont remember it extremely clearly, my older brother does, (he was 12). I believe that the only thing that I can toss into this salad is: Stay in touch with your children.
No sobby stories, but Ive not seen my mother since she left. I dont really mind, *much*, however it has had a profound effect on some of my other siblings.
So do try and stay on top of your childrens lives. Go to the events, stay current with what theyre doing and be sure to keep yourself in their lives, as much as you are able.
