Today I actually put titles on my poems, because I hadn't before.
I don't have a favorite poet, mainly because I don't read very much poetry. If it's a book written in poetry, I like it, but otherwise, no.
Anyway.
You may critique/review it if you like. Or give feedback, etc. Actually, please critique it. And give feedback. Please, please, give me reasons for your opinions. I like in depth comments. (Who doesn't?)
Anyway(for the second time):
Here's the first.
Inspirat
âBe the change you want to see in the worldâ ~ Mahatma Ghandi
Life does not spring from death Freedom is not a force that breaks chains Love will not erupt from hate Power does not flow from weakness
You must make your life what it is be it happy or sad slow or fast light or burdened
You must have willpower to fight against what you do not want life does not happen, before your eyes while you watch and be lazy sitting on a couch eating Doritos
Yes, you may watch television and see what you think is life but you will never be exhilarated sitting down
You need to be the one standing at the edge of the cliff trying to keep your balance while someone is pushing you down You need to be the one rushing down the slope in makeshift skis trying to get away from your captors
No house will rise from the rubble if no one works to build it you will not eat if no food comes to your mouth
What you want will not happen if you do not make it so. (I was too lazy to finish the title)
Something For The Boys This was for the 50 themes thing, and I don't think anyone else used this one(too scary!), but I did.
BB guns and Call of Duty. Halo. Modern Warfare. Why do you speak of these things? Girls don't care about how many kills you've made on the Destruction level pack
We only pay attention to deeper stuff than that Musicality beats anything compassionate is the superior quality So Don't try to impress us With your knowledge of skateboarding off of 50 foot ramps Because all we see is you and your personality With its outstanding quality.
This was for the First Line Poetry thing. It has no name. If anyone likes Jay-z, I included a part that should be read to the beat of "Thank You."
A bittersweet victory Though I managed to push you away And though you seem to like to say that way I'm pulling you back
You seem oblivious to my feelings It's strange How I care so much for you yet you don't even look twice. I wish we could talk But You would only laugh And I wouldn't say a word just walk out.
You're too popular. You've got your gang of girls to laugh with But I have no such thing.
I wish I never had to push you away But that was your choice, not mine So, no thank you.
It's so hard Seeing you every day But I guess I just have to deal With seeing you So happy Not spending a second Thinking of me
So this victory Is bittersweet. I pushed you away But I want you to stay And, it is so difficult to see you every day Happy, without Me.
This was another one for the First Line Poetry thing. Unnamed.
The cry of the maiden Tears at the heartstrings Of all knights, princes and kings But If only they knew That this maiden Is just too lazy And stupid And selfish To save herself.
Light sparking off a flower Like a star, never shinier A glossed view of what you see through a magnifying glass.
When life starts anew This light will last through universes Like a ship's mast the tallest thing for miles threatened by storms and turbulent smiles that wish to compete against the brightness of this light
Never stop flashing Shine forever, yet without time. Grow to be a lighthouse Help those ships land safely with their masts higher than anything You are an all-powerful being So create good.
Plastic dolls become real Not just a figment of my mind Floating serenely through the winds Aimlessly they shift through reality They are silent through the din They exist only through brevity Though they seek only in Vague words: the temperament of bondage Whether trapped, or given a place for safety, or a lifeline or out of rage They do not know.
Their new frame is a gift, and they are glad. Do they want boundaries? Or do they want freedom? Now, they look truly sad, tired, weary of this flying. If only they could rest.
Oh gravity, thou art a heartless cow To not let us float on breaths of air We could hover Controlled only by weightless lines That connect us to the earth Or we might fly free, lost within our atmosphere With no weight, there is no here. But with no weight, there will be no fear.
Without fear, life will be wonderful We will whiz past all obstacles All life-floats And stay in space, without a care We will never see anything else Just clouds and stars and air
But we will have no-one to converse with There will be nothing to see Nothing to bring us back To earth as we know it And we will forget everything that we consist of Be it Love Or grief Or happiness Or even contentment We will forget it all.
Oh gravity, thou art a heartless cow But it is better to have no heart at all Than to have one be broken For losing emotion hides all weakness. But then, where is the will to live? With no gravity to push against you, you would not feel the need to Stand. With no heart to help you love, would it be your desire To hold love on your own two shoulders?
There can never be a perfect fire It will warm and illuminate But it can also burn and ravage Beautiful lands that are now so desolate So be careful of your decisions, Or you may take the bait.
All right, lemme start off by saying that this is really unconventional and in a really good way. I would marry your enjambment if it was a person, and unlike a lot of poets who just wanna be avant-garde for the sake of it, you use the device to very good effect and it affects the poem itself in a noticeable way. This poem is very cool in the way you use the rhythm and the enjambment and the syllables and all the technical aspects to paint a picture relating to the meaning of the poem itself - you make it seem like the poem itself is floating around, weightless, as it considers the concept you've put on the table here. I can only speak positively about how you portray this poem - it's done masterfully.
My only criticisms are minor and are related to the technical aspects as well. The last line of the 2nd stanza feels mismatched to the line before it - there's a noticeable difference in the number of syllables - and while it may be intentional, if it is then it doesn't work super-well. This could be avoided if you used more punctuation, which is a problem everybody has to some extent - there are periods and a few commas, but hyphens and the lot can be put to use very effectively to lay out the rhythm of the poem in a more noticeable way. there's very little negative criticism to mention here, because this is a meticulously crafted piece, and I have to give you big points for how it's all arranged and put-together. Paying a tad bit more attention to punctuation could add a lot though, so make sure you consider that. Great job, really.
I can go more in-depth tomorrow, if you like. I'm starting to get hit with the 2AM malaise.
Without fear, life will be wonderful We will whiz past all obstacles All life-floats And stay in space, without a care We will never see anything else Just clouds and stars and air
The very last line in this stanza is supposed to be read a bit slower than the sentence before. And: There can never be a perfect fire It will warm and illuminate But it can also burn and ravage Beautiful lands that are now so desolate So be careful of your decisions, Or you may take the bait.
I personally think that the line "There can never be a perfect fire" is amazing, but it goes pretty badly with the rest of the stanza. Oh well.
The very last line in this stanza is supposed to be read a bit slower than the sentence before.
Ah. Exactly . . . see what I mean? Commas and the like would make that more apparent. The rhythm you're going for being as apparent as possible is important to consider.
And on the last stanza, I can see that. I actually see the mismatch being more with the last two lines and the rest of the stanza, because the subsequent three lines clarify the first in a meaningful way.
We will never see anything else Just clouds, and stars, and air.
So perhaps like that?
The Mousehole Cat
The whispers of the ocean Seem to echo on forever. They rebound delightfully Against the astounding amount Of gentle winds That can turn fierce And deadly In their poisonous wake.
These whispers turn into crashes, pounding relentlessly, growing steadily, pulling everything in reach toward its ever-hungering belly.
There, it may scratch its rough fingers against whatever it finds, and dissolve everything that it has consumed.
A knot twists in my nonexistent stomach. I am spread out across numerous universes I see a soul, traveling across the back of the Earth, as if the planet were a meandering turtle.
The conscience lurches, running from me. However, I am already in front of it, and I capture it quickly, without any hesitation.
The soul soothes my senses, my emotions are calmed, my thirst is quenched, And I am satisfied.
