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Compilations for the win!!
Today I actually put titles on my poems, because I hadn't before.
I don't have a favorite poet, mainly because I don't read very much poetry. If it's a book written in poetry, I like it, but otherwise, no.
Anyway.
You may critique/review it if you like. Or give feedback, etc. Actually, please critique it. And give feedback. Please, please, give me reasons for your opinions. I like in depth comments. (Who doesn't?)
Anyway(for the second time):
Here's the first.
Inspirat
âBe the change you want to see in the worldâ ~ Mahatma Ghandi
Life does not spring from death
Freedom is not a force that breaks chains
Love will not erupt from hate
Power does not flow from weakness
You must make your life what it is
be it happy or sad
slow or fast
light or burdened
You must have willpower
to fight against what you do not want
life does not happen, before your eyes
while you watch
and be lazy
sitting on a couch
eating Doritos
Yes, you may watch television
and see what you think is life
but you will never be exhilarated
sitting down
You need to be the one
standing at the edge of the cliff
trying to keep your balance
while someone is pushing you down
You need to be the one
rushing down the slope
in makeshift skis
trying to get away from your captors
No house will rise
from the rubble
if no one works to build it
you will not eat
if no food comes to your mouth
What you want will not happen
if you do not make it so.
(I was too lazy to finish the title)
- 159 Replies
Okay, um... How about Hunger? It's on this page so you won't have to flip back and forth...
Or Memory, which is on page One.
Thanks, Alt. Almost no one has said anything about my writing so this is super helpful.
Or perhaps the page before. I didn't know it would go to the next page. But the text box is on both pages, so I guess that works as well.
Something For The Boys
This was for the 50 themes thing, and I don't think anyone else used this one(too scary!), but I did.
BB guns
and Call of Duty.
Halo.
Modern Warfare.
Why do you speak of these things?
Girls don't care
about how many kills you've made
on the Destruction
level pack
We only pay attention
to deeper stuff than that
Musicality beats anything
compassionate
is the superior quality
So
Don't try to impress us
With your knowledge of
skateboarding
off of 50 foot ramps
Because all we see
is you
and your personality
With its outstanding quality.
This was for the First Line Poetry thing.
It has no name. If anyone likes Jay-z,
I included a part that should be read to
the beat of "Thank You."
A bittersweet victory
Though I managed to push you away
And though you seem to like to say that way
I'm pulling you back
You seem oblivious to my feelings
It's strange
How I care so much for you
yet you don't even look twice.
I wish we could talk
But
You would only laugh
And I wouldn't say a word
just walk out.
You're too popular.
You've got your gang of girls to laugh with
But I have no such thing.
I wish I never had to push you away
But that was your choice, not mine
So, no thank you.
It's so hard
Seeing you every day
But
I guess I just have to deal
With seeing you
So happy
Not spending a second
Thinking of me
So this victory
Is bittersweet.
I pushed you away
But I want you to stay
And, it is so difficult
to see you every day
Happy, without
Me.
This was another one for the First Line Poetry thing.
Unnamed.
The cry of the maiden
Tears at the heartstrings
Of all knights, princes and kings
But
If only they knew
That this maiden
Is just too lazy
And stupid
And selfish
To save herself.
Firefly
Light sparking off a flower
Like a star, never shinier
A glossed view of
what you see through a magnifying glass.
When life starts anew
This light will last
through universes
Like a ship's mast
the tallest thing for miles
threatened by storms
and turbulent smiles
that wish to compete
against the brightness of this light
Never stop flashing
Shine forever, yet without time.
Grow to be a lighthouse
Help those ships land safely
with their masts higher than anything
You are an all-powerful being
So create good.
Boundaries
Plastic dolls become real
Not just a figment of my mind
Floating serenely through the winds
Aimlessly they shift through reality
They are silent through the din
They exist only through brevity
Though they seek only in
Vague words: the temperament of bondage
Whether trapped, or given a place
for safety, or a lifeline
or out of rage
They do not know.
Their new frame is a gift,
and they are glad.
Do they want boundaries?
Or do they want freedom?
Now, they look truly sad,
tired, weary of this flying.
If only they could rest.
Oh gravity, thou art a heartless cow
To not let us float on breaths of air
We could hover
Controlled only by weightless lines
That connect us to the earth
Or we might fly free, lost within our atmosphere
With no weight, there is no here.
But with no weight, there will be no fear.
Without fear, life will be wonderful
We will whiz past all obstacles
All life-floats
And stay in space, without a care
We will never see anything else
Just clouds and stars and air
But we will have no-one to converse with
There will be nothing to see
Nothing to bring us back
To earth as we know it
And we will forget everything that we consist of
Be it
Love
Or grief
Or happiness
Or even contentment
We will forget it all.
Oh gravity, thou art a heartless cow
But it is better to have no heart at all
Than to have one be broken
For losing emotion hides all weakness.
But then, where is the will to live?
With no gravity to push against you, you would not feel the need to
Stand.
With no heart to help you love, would it be your desire
To hold love on your own two shoulders?
There can never be a perfect fire
It will warm and illuminate
But it can also burn and ravage
Beautiful lands that are now so desolate
So be careful of your decisions,
Or you may take the bait.
All right, lemme start off by saying that this is really unconventional and in a really good way. I would marry your enjambment if it was a person, and unlike a lot of poets who just wanna be avant-garde for the sake of it, you use the device to very good effect and it affects the poem itself in a noticeable way. This poem is very cool in the way you use the rhythm and the enjambment and the syllables and all the technical aspects to paint a picture relating to the meaning of the poem itself - you make it seem like the poem itself is floating around, weightless, as it considers the concept you've put on the table here. I can only speak positively about how you portray this poem - it's done masterfully.
My only criticisms are minor and are related to the technical aspects as well. The last line of the 2nd stanza feels mismatched to the line before it - there's a noticeable difference in the number of syllables - and while it may be intentional, if it is then it doesn't work super-well. This could be avoided if you used more punctuation, which is a problem everybody has to some extent - there are periods and a few commas, but hyphens and the lot can be put to use very effectively to lay out the rhythm of the poem in a more noticeable way. there's very little negative criticism to mention here, because this is a meticulously crafted piece, and I have to give you big points for how it's all arranged and put-together. Paying a tad bit more attention to punctuation could add a lot though, so make sure you consider that. Great job, really.
I can go more in-depth tomorrow, if you like. I'm starting to get hit with the 2AM malaise.
Without fear, life will be wonderful
We will whiz past all obstacles
All life-floats
And stay in space, without a care
We will never see anything else
Just clouds and stars and air
The very last line in this stanza is supposed to be read a bit slower than the sentence before.
And:
There can never be a perfect fire
It will warm and illuminate
But it can also burn and ravage
Beautiful lands that are now so desolate
So be careful of your decisions,
Or you may take the bait.
I personally think that the line "There can never be a perfect fire"
is amazing, but it goes pretty badly with the rest of the stanza. Oh well.
Oops I turned that bold. It's alright though. Yeah, Alt, some more critiques would be great. Thanks!!
The very last line in this stanza is supposed to be read a bit slower than the sentence before.
Ah. Exactly . . . see what I mean? Commas and the like would make that more apparent. The rhythm you're going for being as apparent as possible is important to consider.
And on the last stanza, I can see that. I actually see the mismatch being more with the last two lines and the rest of the stanza, because the subsequent three lines clarify the first in a meaningful way.
We will never see anything else
Just clouds,
and stars,
and air.
So perhaps like that?
The Mousehole Cat
The whispers of the ocean
Seem to echo on forever.
They rebound delightfully
Against the astounding amount
Of gentle winds
That can turn fierce
And deadly
In their poisonous wake.
These whispers
turn into crashes,
pounding relentlessly,
growing steadily,
pulling everything in reach
toward its ever-hungering belly.
There, it may scratch its rough fingers
against whatever it finds,
and dissolve everything
that it has consumed.
Soul-Eater
A knot twists in my nonexistent stomach.
I am spread out across numerous universes
I see a soul, traveling across the back
of the Earth, as if the planet were a
meandering turtle.
The conscience lurches, running
from me. However, I am already
in front of it, and I capture it
quickly, without any hesitation.
The soul soothes my senses,
my emotions are calmed,
my thirst is quenched,
And I am satisfied.
Soul Eater was haunting. I like the predators point of view, maybe after it you could write it from the prey's point of view?
I'll take that as a compliment.
_______
A shiver racks through my mind.
There is someone else here,
but I see nothing.
A cold wind blows,
almost knocking me down.
I keep walking,
but I am moving
slower,
and slower,
and slower.
Then I see it.
It is a skull, mounted on
a spindly being.
Its face seems to be painted
on the skull.
The being seems tormented,
like a fire is burning in its eyes,
like it is hungry.
Lost, it wanders toward me.
It watches me vaguely,
but I know it is concentrated.
The being is suffering.
I run toward it,
so its torture may end.
It catches me in its barbed embrace.
And I know it is--
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