Well, if you know me, then you know that this would be my third thread for my writings. If you don't know me, as in your a new(er) user, than this is my third thread for my writings. This is a fairly akward situation, so I feel the need to explain:
I am making this final thread (and yes, final), because I realised something during my Hiatus. When I 'quit' AG, I was fairly discusted with my works. I absolutely loathed them. And after a while, I realized something: that it didn't matter. Who cares what I thought about them. What matters is what OTHERs think about them. I wouldn't be able to grow as a writer if my angst over my own works led people to assume that they WERE bad.
While some of them genuinely reeked, there were others that were genuinely good. And as I looked back over my first writings, I realized another thing too: that I had gotten better. That my works had gone from a slipshod, unbalanced affair to a generarrly more organized shipshod affair.
So I am not making this thread to be unique in having *3* threads about my work, or for vanity, or anything like that. I am making it so that you, the reader, will look at my works, and will hopefully tell me how to get better.
Blossoming onto the page, Ink flows from my pen. Master of my realm, Fates lie in my hand.
Ink flows from my pen, Bleeding on the paper. Fates lie in my hand, Scratch! And you are gone.
Bleeding on the paper: Death, destroyer of worlds. Scratch! And you are gone. Blood flows everywhere.
Death, destroyer of worlds: Master of my realm. Blood flows everywhere, Blossoming onto the page. __________ Writing about the ultimate power we seem to hold over all we draw or write. Whatever we create, we can just as easily erase it from all existence, never to return again unless we deem.
None can compare to my lover's life! All words to describe fall flat, fall plain. We battled through war, and fought through strife, Emerging sweeter than the purest of cane.*
And none can compare to my lover's eye! Innocent through the shades they have seen. Each night I pray that I may ne'er die, And be parted from their fish-scale gleem.
And we have only been purified, Like a mountain spring rolling down its bed. From her grace my eye cannot be pried, Though I weep for the victorious dead.
And when we failed, those many times, We did not gnash our teeth, nor break our brow. And though adversity be more sour than lime, We pushed e'er foward! A grand ship's prow.
But the greatest? That through all our trials, My lover always brough my lips to smile.
*Cane Suger, that is. __________ I wrote this for the 10 Day Poetry Contest, and the theme was 'Out of the Ashes'. I was inspired by Sonnet 130, written by William Shakespeare. Its about how, through turmoil and troubles, two people's love always becomes stronger trough the hardship.
My Tears Flow From Kokytos Also entitled, The Old Man of Crete
Intro:
My tears flow from Kokytos; Haides' river of lamentations. My sorrows bequeth from Man's nature. Eternal, I stand my vigil at the banks.
And through the march and flow of time, The cries of those who are cast here Leap out and molest my ears, Only adding to my sorrow that brings these tears.
Verse I:Caina
"Abel! It is I crouching at your door! For am I not your Brother's keeper? Alas, cursed to lie beneath the ground, Enshrouded in my frost-white tomb."
"Your fury seven times have I come to know! And yet, is it not true that I have done you no harm? For cursed is the ground from which Cain worked, Cold, hard, unforgiving; only misery sprouts here now."
Verse II:Antenora
"No respite shall you find at my people's house! Nay, only a Panther Skin have they to offer the weary. Only too willing am I to open the door to my enemies, Despite the trouble they will pass on to my neighbor's house."
"For what is worth a moment's reprieve from this torment? Not even a face that could launch Ten-Thousand Ships? For even Ares would not save the d*mned whom the ice shackles, Although the Shroud of Peace is absent from this hell."
Verse III:Ptolomea
"What amount of gold or silver could my freedom buy? Better, how much does simple courage cost? For what I perceived to be cunning and ingenuity, Was only Eris, clad in a web of fine mist."
"How voluntarily I welcomed them into my home! And voluntarily I slaughtered them as they dined! Thus my betrayal is deemed a hundred-fold worse, And I curse the day I came forth from my mother's womb!"
Verse IV:Judecca
"Frozen in my eyes lie my countless tears. How I weep at my sin of my great betrayal! For only I hold acclaim to the death of the Lord, And have deserved this flaying from Satan's claws."
"For at the heart of Hell I dwell forever, With Brutus and Cassius as my eternal friends. And how Satan here will grind my bones, His ears deaf to my cries, my pleas."
Coda:
And alone, I sit on my pedestal. As eternity watches over them. And Kokytos flows nine times around, Encircling this realm of Haides.
But who am I to ramble on? As I dwell here on its icy shores. And forever you shall find me here, For my tears come from Kokytos. __________ I wrote this for the 10 Day Poetry contest, and the them was 'Your Private Shore'. There are many, many references to Greek Mythology, and Dante's Divine Comedy. I'm writing from the view point of The Old Man of Crete, a statue whose tears create the River Kokytos, or the River of Lamentation. Each verse are the voice(s) of those who lie in each part of the 9th Circle of Hell.
Rising from the ground, Steel structures emulate the Trees I used to know. __________ Submitted to the Haiku Contest, and the theme was 'Jungle'. Inspired by the statement, 'The Urban Jungle', so I think that makes it obvious what the 'Steel Structures' are.
Hurry! All the colors are starting to fade! See them bleed and run off my page. Heres what goes when mistakes get out of hand: It'll all disappear without change. I see the crowd as they beckon me on: They say 'Artist, you need to move on.'
*coughI'mherecough* :P Okay well, my brain is too fuddled to comprehend your HUGE post on page 5, but not fuddled to where I can't say something about The Artist. I loved it. But. It has a whole rhythm thing going for it until the fourth line and then using on and on. But. I still loved it. *coughI'mgonecough*
Eternal I gaze, As stars and snow blend and fall On my frost-white tomb.
I like it! I imagine the grave of a viking warrior... Yet allow me to have some criticism, which is perhaps out of place: in your second line you write
As stars and snow blend and fall
. These are all very short sounds, yet snow falls very gently and slow. Stars are eternal, and therefore very slow too. I think it was better described with much lower and slower sounds.
Hurry! All the colors are starting to fade! See them bleed and run off my page. Heres what goes when mistakes get out of hand: It will all dissapear without change. I see the crowd as they beckon me on: They say 'Artist, you need to go home.' __________ I feel the need to 'duo' this again. See what I did there? Eh? Eh?
On top of the world, Light-headed euphoria. Crystal are the skies __________ Wrote for the Haiku contest. The theme was 'Oxygen'. I wrote this while imagining what it'd be like to stand atop of Mt. Everest.
The clouds open up, And let loose their mournful tears. Earth drinks their sorrow __________ Wrote this for the General Simplicity Contest. The theme was Rain Haikus.
