Well, if you know me, then you know that this would be my third thread for my writings. If you don't know me, as in your a new(er) user, than this is my third thread for my writings. This is a fairly akward situation, so I feel the need to explain:
I am making this final thread (and yes, final), because I realised something during my Hiatus. When I 'quit' AG, I was fairly discusted with my works. I absolutely loathed them. And after a while, I realized something: that it didn't matter. Who cares what I thought about them. What matters is what OTHERs think about them. I wouldn't be able to grow as a writer if my angst over my own works led people to assume that they WERE bad.
While some of them genuinely reeked, there were others that were genuinely good. And as I looked back over my first writings, I realized another thing too: that I had gotten better. That my works had gone from a slipshod, unbalanced affair to a generarrly more organized shipshod affair.
So I am not making this thread to be unique in having *3* threads about my work, or for vanity, or anything like that. I am making it so that you, the reader, will look at my works, and will hopefully tell me how to get better.
Well well well Mav. You should try to write another poem. I miss them D: Your haikus are breath taking as usual ">,> You really do have a talent for taking three small lines and transforming them into something beautiful.
Your last one was pretty good. That last metaphor (Or w/e they're called) weighed out the poem, better or worse I'm not sure. If better, I wouldn't be surprised if you took home the gold.
You should try to write another poem. I miss them D:
I'm actually working on a free verse for the poetry contest. Should be done either tonight or tomorrow.
Your haikus are breath taking as usual ">,> You really do have a talent for taking three small lines and transforming them into something beautiful.
Thanks, though I've had a lot of practice.
Your last one was pretty good. That last metaphor (Or w/e they're called) weighed out the poem, better or worse I'm not sure. If better, I wouldn't be surprised if you took home the gold.
Theres a lot of good haiku's in the contest, so I'd say its anyone's game right now. And thanks for the compliment.
I'm actually working on a free verse for the poetry contest. Should be done either tonight or tomorrow.
Give me a ring on my profile to check it out, mkay?
Thanks, though I've had a lot of practice.
Just from competing in the Haiku contest or elsewhere? Because even people that practice for years couldn't really define things the way you have an ability to do.
Give me a ring on my profile to check it out, mkay?
I will do that.
Just from competing in the Haiku contest or elsewhere? Because even people that practice for years couldn't really define things the way you have an ability to do.
I read a ton, so I'm in near constant contact with quality literature (Dante, Robert Frost, Maya Angelou, Gary Soto, Poe, O. Henry, and Emily Dickinson are some of my favorite poetsand authors), so I read a lot of styles and poetry in general. And I jot down a lot of poems, though I don't ussualy post them up here because I don't think there very good.
I also write a lot for practice, about 30 minutes to an hour, just writing whatever comes to mind. I ussualy get some time in on AG just typing up stuff.
With the Haikus, they just come to me. I dunno really, I just think and it suddenly appears. And I google image other topics just to get an idea of what people think when they see 'Fire and Ice'. Ussualy, obvious stuff comes up, but sometimes something really interesting turns up.
The fact that those haikus just come to you is even more amazing. Even though you have read some of the best poets out there, doesn't subtract from this natural ability of yours. I'm awaiting your free verse poem, and really you should just upload everything you write. Doesn't matter if you think it is good or bad, it is here for us to look at and tell you what could be better, so you can improve
As I sit here now, Pen in hand, paper before me, The remenents of past works Flutter across my desk And stop short at my hands.
I stare at these creations, My rampant words amuck With clouds of ink and dust, Staining the pages of time. Looking, I sit here and wonder As to why I write.
Words are useless without A device to transport them. Despite the open ears of the masses, No one can hear me if my words don't attract, Don't ignite, a small spark of interest... A flame.
I write to stir up emotions Within the hardened heart, And to teach it how to feel again; To throw off those bonds of granite And know once more what it means To live.
But not all would give me A chance. Already, those who seek Continued control over all shut me down. They entomb all emotions, all feelings: They are death, and they come.
Cold hands clutch at my face And attempt to arrest movement Of my tongue. And they grip My hands, and force them to stop; To disobey their master.
But my words come forth! They dispell those tendrils of ice That creep up my legs and frost My vision. The cold of the night, Of the world, has been vanquished by
I really like this one, mav. It starts out rather slow, and rushes in the end, keeps you on your toes, I likelikelikelove it. Time for major critique nao. (Don't hate me) When you say device, the reader doesn't think of the mouth to speak the words, they think something like a computer or that. Try to change that up a bit, because it is better safe then sorry to assume the reader is rather not smart. Especially if you are trying to evoke emotion. Emotion is simple to write, you need not a large vocabulary to do it. Now when you get to the end, it rushes the suspense, and if your goal was to focus on the suspense, you slightly failed. Let me give you your poem in a.... form that will make it clearer how the suspense went.
He walked down the road, the beautiful road filled with endless trees trimming the sides, flowers and other plants lining up beside the trees. But what is this? The road ends! Oh no! Wait. It was just a turn in the road. All is well again!
See? Its like a happy story with a happy ending. The twist wasn't held long enough for it to take full effect.
When you say device, the reader doesn't think of the mouth to speak the words, they think something like a computer or that. Try to change that up a bit, because it is better safe then sorry to assume the reader is rather not smart. Especially if you are trying to evoke emotion. Emotion is simple to write, you need not a large vocabulary to do it. Now when you get to the end, it rushes the suspense, and if your goal was to focus on the suspense, you slightly failed.
My goal was that the 'fire' are my words and the 'ice' is the world. Similar to how ice melts very quickly in a fire, so to are the problems resolved when you give 'fire' (words) a chance to work out the problems.
It seems that I've forgotten to explain my poem again. :/ Always forget to do that...
Well now that you give the explination it makes a looooooooooot more sense. And you shouldn't feel the need to explain things, just let it floooooooooooow
What happens to a dream that dies When its uprooted from our soul? Does if fly away on fairy wings, And float on to more fruitful lands?
And what should fill that empty space That no brush paints black or white? Do dreams call to forgotten brothers To fill in those num'rous cracks?
Dreams with silver-dusted wings, Soar immortal, in the clouds. Alighting in a new, fresh mind; Fueled by unconquerable spirit. __________ I wrote about how, even when all your dreams seem crushed, they can always be achieved. An optimistic poem, for a change.
