ForumsArt, Music, and WritingTackeh's 10,000 Etchings

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TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

I decided I'd try and post some of my poems on here, since I liked the first line poem thread so much. I would really like some advice on how to improve. Thanks!

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dudeguy45
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dudeguy45
2,920 posts
Peasant

If you joined earlier, you could have entered the Way Of Moderation. I think you would have liked it. Nice work. Prettyscetch.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Conclusions made from my experiments from usual material(poems)....
People like my drawings better than my poems. People like my short stories better than my poems. :/
Interesting.

That is not a failure! It is a very nice little penguin!


Coloring is all wrong. DX

I'm confused. Why does the penguin have bunny ears? Also, I wish I could draw that well. All my talent seems to have gone to writing no fair!


The penguin has bunneh ears in reference to my Exit Path avatar.
Well, it goes sort of like this
Wolf's writing>Tacky's writing+drawing
Thanks though!

If you joined earlier, you could have entered the Way Of Moderation. I think you would have liked it. Nice work. Prettyscetch.


Thanks!

I wish I could have joined the WoM. T.T
Well, that's why Moon and I are collaborating on the Adventures of AG!
gaboloth
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gaboloth
1,613 posts
Peasant

But I've always thought you were made of tacks and dynamite D:

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

But I've always thought you were made of tacks and dynamite D:


I'm sorry for not fulfilling your expectations. :P

@ Calvin, thanks again!

I has no poetry for you guys (the few who read this), but I drew something in school today so I may post that later tonight.

Also I may attempt to draw users. Attempt. Also, you can object. :P

People on my list of users to attempt are:

jeol
Moon
Wolf
Ernie
Dragon

Woohoo.
TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Be proud of me, people. My first attempt BB coding something complex. Click the image to get a bigger one. :P

http://img850.imageshack.us/img850/301/doodad11snip.png

It's a Doo-dad.

Dragonblaze052
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Dragonblaze052
26,679 posts
Peasant

Yes Tacky, very sexy indeed.

Paarfam
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Paarfam
1,558 posts
Nomad

Yes Tacky, very sexy indeed.

Honestly, I laughed when I read that.

You do have a strange imagination, but as weird as mine. I like your drawing abilities!
Paarfam
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Paarfam
1,558 posts
Nomad

but as weird as mine.

I meant not as weird as mine.
TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

I'm sorry, I just had to point this out.... XD

Lol, I also consider myself to be good at grammar and spelling.

-Paarfam, after being nitpicky on my typo.

Seriously though, thanks for the compliments!
Paarfam
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Paarfam
1,558 posts
Nomad

XD I failed.

I like your choice to get away from simple words and using their synonyms. Your imagery is very descriptive, and I feel your metaphors. When you use a metaphor I definitely know what it means. In other words, nice choice of words when you write a metaphor. Unfortunately, I don't feel the same "zing" I get whilst reading your poetry from your short story. I'm sure if you used a bit more description the story would be a bit better. Although I enjoyed the 3rd part, the 1st and 2nd were "meh."
Overall, if I were to give you a rating out of 10, I'd say you deserve a 8.5/10. Keep it up! Just so you know, I didn't read it from beginning to end.
*applause*

idontsuckthatmuch
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idontsuckthatmuch
2,270 posts
Nomad

All I can say is... Wow.

I am insanely jealous. Along with mad writing skills, you've got some mad drawing skills too XD

Keep up the great work!

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

I like your choice to get away from simple words and using their synonyms. Your imagery is very descriptive, and I feel your metaphors. When you use a metaphor I definitely know what it means. In other words, nice choice of words when you write a metaphor.


Thanks.

Unfortunately, I don't feel the same "zing" I get whilst reading your poetry from your short story. I'm sure if you used a bit more description the story would be a bit better. Although I enjoyed the 3rd part, the 1st and 2nd were "meh."


Some people have said that to me already, so I will try to improve on that.

Overall, if I were to give you a rating out of 10, I'd say you deserve a 8.5/10. Keep it up! Just so you know, I didn't read it from beginning to end.


Thank you.
A 85 is a B, which is something I can live with. I'm just wondering which pages you read, because I might be able to direct you to some of my better poems if you just read my limericks or something. :P

You draw amazing heads... Just sayin'. Nice job with the BB coding, and also the drawing of course...


I do like drawing heads. XD
TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

I iz disappoint, guys. :P

Despair

Between my fangs you will feel
The darkened gaze of death.
And as my jaws bite down
You'll breathe your final breath.
I'll devour all of your heart,
Your soul and dreams are mine,
And as you struggle to be free,
Only rusty chains you'll find.
Who am I? You ask as I coil,
Inside my hellish lair,
And I say, grin spreading wide,
I am called despair.

wolf1991
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wolf1991
3,440 posts
Farmer

Despair

Between my fangs you will feel
The darkened gaze of death.
And as my jaws bite down
You'll breathe your final breath.
I'll devour all of your heart,
Your soul and dreams are mine,
And as you struggle to be free,
Only rusty chains you'll find.
Who am I? You ask as I coil,
Inside my hellish lair,
And I say, grin spreading wide,
I am called despair.


It seems to follow a rather standard format you have. Not saying that's a bad or good thing, it just is. The imagery invoked a picture of a vampire stalking and feasting a prey. And I mean the creepy soulless kind. The rhyme scheme and flow are steady though I'm a little worried you've seen too much of my stuff of late...
TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Oh, Wolfeh, you worry too much.
I was just in a creepy and soulless kind of mood, like always. :P
I realize the standard format thing, and I am working on changing it.
Thanks for reading mah poetry!

Sleep

paralysis of sleep, drifting deep,
To passages of mind and thoughts I keep.
Falling, crawling, the enthralling
scenes of horror do unfold.
The venom spreads and I do dread
Sleeping as the wights take hold.
Guilty thoughts that sting and ring
All the wrongs forgot for long now sing.
My ears ring with fears diving
To the withered ground through striving,
Crushing those opposing with my boots,
Only to be tripped by the ragged roots.
I flee fast from demons past,
Glaring, staring with spiteful eyes.
I cannot hide inside my own head,
And I stumble
My world crumbles
I've become the things I dread.

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