I decided I'd try and post some of my poems on here, since I liked the first line poem thread so much. I would really like some advice on how to improve. Thanks!
His blood-shot eyes groggily focus in on me. "Who...WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?" He lurches towards me and and grabs my arm roughly. I'm too shocked to even try and dodge him. "WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE?" He bellows and shakes me back and forth. My pathetic little screwdriver clatters to the floor, along with my cellphone that I brought for emergencies. Like this. "I-I don't-" It's my turn to tremble and shake like Philip did. "No, don't hurt her-" Philip tries to pull himself to his feet, but collapses. I notice that he looks thin, as if he hasn't eaten in days. He gives me all the resolve I need. As the grimy man reaches for my throat, I take the hammer in my belt and smash it as hard as I can into his shoulder. There's a crunching sound, and he howls in pain. But his other hand tightens its grip, and suddenly, I can't breathe. I try to swing the hammer to his other shoulder, to his head, to his knee. Anywhere so that my lungs will open up again. Then I hear Philip's weak but triumphant voice. He holds my cellphone in his swollen hand. "I called the police." He whispers something into the phone, then snaps it shut. The man twists around, loosening his grip on me. Air. "What'd you say, rat? You called the WHAT-" Without hesitation, I take the hammer and send it crashing into his other shoulder. He falls to the ground with an earthshaking thud, bellowing. I run to Philip and the woman lying on the ground, and with them, I wait for the police to arrive.
I sit on their porch after the police and paramedics arrive and take Philip's mother to the hospital. Philip refuses to go, and sits next to me while the policemen ask him a few questions. I'm uncomfortable being near all these policemen, but Philip needs some company, and so I stay.
After everyone clears out, it's just me and Philip. There's silence for a few moments. His hair is a mess. He has a black eye and his cheek is swollen. And one of his hands is torn up at the knuckles. I search for words to say. "It's horrible that your father would do that to you." I say eventually. He looks at the ground. "He's not my dad. He's my stepdad." I pause. Philip lets out a tiny grin. "You can ask, if you really want." "Where's your dad?" I feel bad for asking as soon as I do. "He's dead. He killed himself with prescription pills." Philip's expression is emotionless. Tears spring to my eyes, but I hastily wipe them away. No wonder he didn't want me to do it. If his father hadn't, then...Then everything would be all right for him. I can't think of anything to say in terms of comfort. So I give him a hug instead, taking care not to bump his wounded areas. "Shouldn't I take you to the hospital or something?" I ask worriedly. "I don't like hospitals. Same as you don't like policemen." He states. Once again, he takes me by surprise. "How did you know that?" "You didn't call them." His tone isn't accusing or angry. "Why?" There's no way out of this one. "They took away someone that I loved a lot." I said simply. He doesn't ask for a better answer. He just nods and turns over to his back, and I do the same. Then We lie there, grass tickling our legs and shoulders, thinking about nothing but breathing and being alive. And at that moment, we're nothing but two children looking up at the clear blue sky.
You will always be important to someone. Don't ever forget that.
Wait so the story's done? That's it? It's finished? *Dramatic pause*
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Please, write another story. I'm begging you write another story. I was hanging on the edge of my seat the whole time. So please write something else because you have some talent.
Thanks, you guys. I love you all, seriously. I didn't think anyone would read my story in the first place. I'm already developing some new ideas for some short stories, and I'll probably post them either tomorrow or sometime later tonight. However, if you have any suggestions, I would love to hear them out! Thanks again for reading!
I have an idea, but it may be hard and time consuming. You could write a story about the life of a character. From it's young age, to it's death. And as the story progresses, your writing becomes more details, more emotional, more in-depth like if the character is growing up. I think it would wok best if it was in first pears one perspective. Like if it was an autobiography. But when your character dies, you switch to a third person perspectives. And don't forget to put in lots of drama!
I have an idea, but it may be hard and time consuming. You could write a story about the life of a character. From it's young age, to it's death. And as the story progresses, your writing becomes more details, more emotional, more in-depth like if the character is growing up. I think it would wok best if it was in first pears one perspective. Like if it was an autobiography. But when your character dies, you switch to a third person perspectives. And don't forget to put in lots of drama!
That is an excellent idea, and it sounds like a lot of fun to do. We shall call that option A
jeol's idea
This idea might be a little harder, but pick your favorite historic event, or any historic event and write a story from a perspective of whom you choose, almost as if you were there, but you weren't. ... Unless you were. That's okay, too.
This is a great idea too, but I have to consider which event I'd like to be a part of. This shall be option B
Option C
I was also planning on doing a more lighthearted story. I don't want to exhaust all the more emotional story-lines within the first month. :/ So I was thinking of just doing a simple adventure of a man looking for happiness. Or treasure or some sort. And he comes across all these different similes and stuff. :P
Option D
I do a little story about myself. It'll be funny, I hope. Like a blog post or something along those lines.
Option E
I do a fantasy story, or a myth of some kind. Morals and all that.
So ta-da! Those are my ideas (and Deathopper's and jeol's). Tell me what ya think! Or if you have any more suggestions!
Those are pretty decent ideas, Tacky. Option A does seem like a brilliant story and one of the things I love about stories is when a character progresses throughout the story. Looking forward to it.
tacky you should submit your work to pubglishing companies. At least you should try teenink.com (i think thats it) YOu can submit your work and have it graded and stuff its cool.
I read your whole story now, and I liked the sort of 'climax' at the end. Anyway, I'd vote for option D. My suggestion: Write a satire/pastiche/parody on something. Or write a tale on trees with soothing voices
I'll try option D first; tomorrow. It'll probably not turn out well. That's okay though, because experimenting is fun. XD
Then I'll do option A. It seems very intriguing.
Maybe in the middle of option A (since it may take a while) I'll write a mini adventure as of the likes of option C.
writing a auto-biography is kind of gay.
Appreciate the feedback, Calvin, but that's not very nice. DX
tacky you should submit your work to pubglishing companies. At least you should try teenink.com (i think thats it) YOu can submit your work and have it graded and stuff its cool.[/quote
Publishing companies...? I don't think I'm that good yet. XD
[quote]Or write a tale on trees with soothing voices
Well autobiography wasn't was I was thinking about, but it is gonna be in a first person perspective (unless Tacky changes it) so what else can I call it?
@deathopper Well, it was a very good idea. The life story will be in first person perspective, but no. It's not an autobiography.
If Calvin meant the little humor shorts I'll be attempting, they'll just be exerpts into my daily life. Not that anyone cares about my daily life. I just want to try writing humor.
