Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Tackeh's 10,000 Etchings

I like the story so far. It's not bad, but I think when the character gets older each part must be longer. So the next part (I'm guessing 14-16 years old) must be two times longer than the first two.
Anyway good story!

I like the story so far. It's not bad, but I think when the character gets older each part must be longer. So the next part (I'm guessing 14-16 years old) must be two times longer than the first two.
Anyway good story!

I take it people don't like this story as much as my previous one, since it's been buried. :/
If you guys don't like it, then tell me what I'm doing wrong so I can fix it on the next chunk. :P

I take it people don't like this story as much as my previous one, since it's been buried. :/
If you guys don't like it, then tell me what I'm doing wrong so I can fix it on the next chunk. :P

It's bad. Also, the story is still in the workshop. :/

Stars

Let's hope that there's an end to this,
This monstrosity that consumes us all.
Let's wish upon the sparkling stars
That to greed mankind won't fall.
Let's try to stop our plundering hands
And our pointless bloody wars.
Let's sit together and watch the night sky,
Amongst the sparkling stars.

Very inspiring, Tacky. Nice job.

*applause*

I assume you're supposed to put a different inflection on "wars," considering it doesn't rhyme perfectly with "stars."

Other than that, I think it's perfect!

Thanks you guys! I didn't even notice the syllable problem. :P

Bunch of crap from the First Line Poetry thread. :P

Shattered

Shattered glass
The remnants of
Your transparent dreams
Of glorious power.
What was to be
Your crown of diamonds
Is revealed to be
nothing but a cheap trinket,
Crushed under marching feet.

Mercy

My tear-struck face
Reflected in your eyes.
There is no trace
Of mercy as I cry.

My reflection disappears,
As you turn and walk away.
Afraid to face your fears,
You could never stay.

Random Tanka! 8D
Innocence

Children's feet running,
Remind me of innocence
Jumping up so high
With no fears of falling
Knowing the grass would catch me

This one's horrible. XD

Battered mind and tattered soul
Battered from the lies you tell
Tattered from your daggered words
My mind reels from the hateful spite
And my soul flames with a burning light.

I promise I'll finish the short story. DX
Just having a bit of a writing block.
Here's a poem I wrote last week for an English project.

Thoughts

I know what they can be,
tangled weeds, rooted deep
twisted memories in broken minds,
so hard to remove, so easy to find
or
broad brave oaks keeping strong,
a solid vision that canât rot away,
keeping rigid so dreams donât stray.
or
poisoned ivy, with its creeping tendrils,
polluting hearts that have grown weak,
grasping hold of the sick and meek.

I know what they can do,
clad in an iron glove,
creating empires and watching them fall,
wearing a catcherâs mitt,
chasing dreams that havenât faltered yet,
expressed through a straggly brush or pen,
watching the world from a different view,
or even outstretched to a cradleâs roof,
ready to start the world anew

so what are they?
some might say,
that they are electrical impulses that travel lightning-speed,
arcing through neurons in the brain,
tiny sparks that jump erratically.
Then theyâre processed, translated,
and more often than not,
die as formless ideas
that never took flight.

I, however,
would naively like to believe,
thoughts are intricately woven and delicately strung
from threads we choose ourselves,
tied together so when one moves,
so does another,
and the earth continues to resound
trembling from the thoughts of many.

Decent poem, Tacky. I didn't quite get the first stanza, though.

I saw the story with phillip. That story was completely awesome, Tacky!

Moar poetry from the FLP. Too lazy to think of a name.
Use of olden language may not be entirely correct.

How about a smile? To grace your fair face,
Where is thy joy? O where hast it been placed?
The heavens can't shine when you do not beam,
The world dost grow dark; a nightmarish dream.
Don't speak of the qualms that plague thy fair heart,
Don't think of the eons we must spend apart.
Think of the music, our voices raised high,
The strength of our songs drifting to the skies.
So smile; the world shall open for thee,
And hopefully in eden, you'll find me.
We'll dance our dances and sing our grand songs,
And in eden we shall be done no wrongs.

Thanks jeol and Calvin.
Calvin, you are quite correct. It's supposed to turn happy at the end. Stepping into the light and all that jazz.

More FLP stuff. Creativity is at an all time low.

The lazy dog
that barked
From the side
Of the languid road
Curling through the
Melted hills
Warning of the
Softened earth.
And what of the soft
Trees that sag
Their bark hanging loose
Too lazy to move.
Countries lean to
The side and sigh
Waiting for the meager.
Drops of fattened rain.
The people lie
Too lazy to work.
And the dog lies
Silent and cold
Too lazy
to live.

Made absolutely no sense. It sort of has a hidden meaning somewhere, I think.

So I'm going to try and upload this again. The last time it did not work. Say hello to a doodle I made.
Kudos to pH for the computer-ing help.

That is not a failure! It is a very nice little penguin!

I'm confused. Why does the penguin have bunny ears? Also, I wish I could draw that well. All my talent seems to have gone to writing no fair!