Forums → The Tavern → Best jokes/puns
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I love lame jokes, but who doesn't love a GOOD joke once in a while?
Here's a few to start you off:
A woman goes to report her husband's disappearance to police, and she describes him as being 6 feet tall, well built, and with thick, wavy hair. Her friend comes over and says "what are you talking about? Your husband is 5 feet tall, bald, and has a huge belly." she replies "Yeah, but who wants that one back?"
don't worry, this next one is not offensive to blondes.
A blonde woman walks into a casino and bets $30,000 on a single dice roll. She asks the two dealers, "is it alright if I take my clothes off? I feel luckier when I do." they don't see a problem with that, so she takes her clothes off and rolls they dice. Immediately, she jumps up and down, screaming, "I WON, I WON!" she hugs the dealers, picks up her clothes and her money, and leaves. The dealers are stunned. finally, one turns to the other and says, "did she win?" the other answers, "I don't know, I thought you were watching."
the moral of the story is, not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.
One more for all you philosophers out there:
sage advice based off of the Monte Carlo Fallacy: If you are going on a plane, for safety's sake, take a bomb with you...because the overwhelming odds are that there will not be two people on the same plane with a bomb.
So what are your favorite jokes?
- 33 Replies
If olive oil is made out of olives, and corn oil is made out of corn, then what is baby oil made out of?!
Here's the mexican weather station: It's going to be chilly today and...
hot tamale!
Those two came from my awesome band director.
son.
yes dad?
you're fat.
and i'm not going to sugarcoat it because you're going to eat that too. -trolldad
glad there wernt any black jokes cause id have to bust a cap in ur ###.
Im actually very white. All i know is black jokes but i dont want to get band agin so i guess ill keep it clean this time... or atleast not rascist
So this guy goes into the doctor for his regular check up. The Doc says "u seem to be fine but u have to stop masturbating". The patient says "why Doc", an the Doc says, "Becuase im trying to give u a check up".
heres another
A 40 year old man goes into the woods at night with an 8 year old girl. The little girl says "Im scared". The man says "ur scared, hell i gotta come outta here alone"...
an another
So there two gold fish n a bowl, one looks at the other one an says "So how do u drive this thing", the other says, "I dont know i dont have any hands"
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