Forums → The Tavern → Chuck Norris Jokes
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Here is a place to post your favoutite Chuck Norris jokes!
If you do not like them don't post here! No one wants to here your crap!
Chuck Norris visited the Virgin islands, when he left, they called it the Islands.
I love this one, my personal fav. ^
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Chuck Norris was put on Tekken, he got removed because every button made him do the roundhouse kick!
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
and "Chuck Norris actually holds every single record in the guiness world record books. All the other people's records are the closest they ever got"
good one man
chuck norrice once ran so fast the world spun backwards. then it was the ice age
watch the whole video to see the chuck norrice part
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8ye4mYR878
Chuck Norris uses a night light. But not because chuck is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of chuck norris.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because the only element he recognises is the element of surprise.
That one's my favourite.
my favorite is
chuck norrice once went to the virgin islands. when he left it was just called the islands.
its my favorite
this is Chuck Norris kicking butt from the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny
the angels sang out
with an immaculate chorus
down from the heavens
decended Chuck Norris
Who delivered a kick
which could shatter bones
into the crouch
of Indiana Jones
Who fell to the ground
writhing in pain
as Batman changed back to Bruce Wayne
But Chuck saw through
his clever disquise
and squeezed Batman's head
In between his thighs
here is the link for the ultimate showdown
http://www.ultimateshowdown.org/
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