Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → The Writings of SupaLegit
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I am going to post the poems ant etc I make here. A critique and feedback would be appreciated!
The first one:
It
It lurks in the shadows;
Hides from the light.
So evil it turns meadows
Into nothing more than a horrible sight!
Dark and grim,
Gruesome and deadly
It is horrid and turns everything dim!
Children please, promise me,
That thee do not go
Outside alone!
It will shred you to pieces,
Eat your insides,
Drink your blood,
And feast on thy!
As It is dark and grim,
Gruesome and deadly,
Turns everything depressing and dim.
You have reached a crossroads,
Have a choice to make,
What will it be?
Choose wrong and the
Last thing we may hear from you
Is a blood curdling shriek that pierces the night!
So promise me children that thee
Do not go outside alone.
For It is lurking, and waiting for YOU!
- 103 Replies
Yes! Finally completed and submitted!
Well, this one took a while to make, I hope everyone loves it
Made for the 10 day poetry contest:
Cajoled Warrior
Rise from the ashes,
Your Time is now!
You were once extremely feared,
Now I give you your second chance:
Show no mercy; bash their skulls!
Their hellish end is surely near;
Your sword will be their last dalliance,
For they are all pitiful, worthless culls!
Avenge thyself, and leave none standing!
Just think of what they did to you:
Your limp, cold body is a branding,
A horrific reminder of what they do!
Oh, yes, don't forget the last of their wrath!
Remember the fire, remember the scorching pain?
Well, it lingers in my mind as a long, long path.
Let's walk along it, and they shall meet their bane!
You were once extremely feared,
And now you shall be so once again;
Bloodstained sword swinging menacingly!
On your arms, their dark, warm blood is smeared.
For violence and death is like your cocaine;
You demand it from them, threateningly!
Striking fear into the eyes of all who oppose!
Do it for us, do it for your tattered soul.
On their heaving chest, your wrath is superimposed;
A reminder of the punishments of acting from cajole!
The valley is filled of bloody, dead structures!
The gory goal we sought is almost completed,
So very close, but then you make a blunder;
Forgot to finish one off; an arrow succeeded!
You fall to your knees, shrieking in agony.
Your heart desperately beats out of control,
The world around you slowly begins to blur!
Mind races out of control; there goes your sanity.
I'm sorry my hero, but I do not keep my paroles;
I serve myself and none else, don't even deter!
Fall into the ashes,
Your time is now!
Daily Pain
I hide in the shadows,
I hide from the rest.
For each point and rumor
From those pests
Tears at my soul.
Can't they see that
I do not wish to live
This long, horrid life?
Can't they see that they
Only add to the daily pain?
My Nonet entry
My Love
My divine love, you're my only fault.
Your smile brings warmth to my fair soul,
Your laughter lights up my eyes.
I am in love with you,
Don't ever leave me.
For if you left,
My eyes would
Lose their
Joy.
More upbeat tone for once :P
Well, the server has updated, and we are now past 1 million users, active or not. I thought why make a quick poem to end up in vain? D:
Milestone
A great achievement has been made.
Short lived, and soon to be forgotten,
Our awaited goal ends up in the shade
Of something more spectacular and rotten.
Rotten with memories of what once was,
Blessed with the goals of the future.
All used to be quite, but now all is abuzz.
Silence, and now we await a bigger picture.
I quite enjoyed your nonet, but it very closely resembled Tacky's so I think I couldn't appreciate the full effect.
As for Milestone, I agree in a non poetic form :P
I suggest trying something lengthly, so people can go into more detail with it >
Read Cajoled Warrior, I finally finished it!
I am making a longer one as we speak, >
I did, you offered it to me before you posted it for the thread, remember :P
Oooh yeah... Haha silly me, I must be tired.
For the curious souls, I won't spoil much, but my I'm working on a war poem Inspired by Moon's, but likely at lest twice as long O.o
Shameful Mistake
A sickly mistake,
This time science went too far:
Demonic creatures
Now roam the deserted streets.
Who will survive the undead?
-------------------------
My Zombie Tanka entry from last week
Wow, I haven't posted a Haiku in quite some time. So, here are three of them!
Beaches
Walking across sand.
Waves skimming to the shore line,
Then retreating back.
-------------------------
Night Approaches
Branches reaching out,
Grabbing the sunset's beauty;
The dark is nearing.
------------------------
Snowy Winter
Snow slowly falling,
Blanketing the Forest's green;
Beautiful silence.
I love your poems:-) the poem, 'the tear'is my favorite one, you can really imagine it:-) well done:-)x
I love your poems
Aww, Thank You Very Much Jade
the poem, 'the tear'is my favorite one, you can really imagine it
Yeah, a lot of people really like that one, and I did intend it to be somewhat imagery!
On a side note, I'm working on a longer poem right now, and I hope to have it finished later today.
Think of yourself more highly Moon, don't look down upon yourself!
Doubtful Mind
Doubt is horrid, tears you up inside:
One mistake and you hate yourself.
Doubt exists in everyone,
Though to some it grasps hard.
Must escape the doubt,
Try so very hard!
Or my work,
Goes in
Vain.
~Devoted To a Friend
No, I don't hate Summer as much as this poem suggests, but Winter is my favorite!
Winter's Embrace
Cease the sun,
I've had enough.
The ice is fun,
Give summer a cuff.
Have fun in the cold,
Love the powdery snow.
Winters embrace is bold,
Let your eyes aglow.
The heat is out,
The frigid is now.
Forget the drought,
Give Winter a bow.
Welcome the blizzards,
Forget the pitiful midday.
Let you hopes run skywards,
Let your pains yell mayday!
Winter is here for you,
Just take our hand,
That is what you must do;
Summer is just so bland.
The heat has pests,
We have polar bears.
Winter wins all the bets;
We answer your prayers.
No heat exhaustion,
No stumbling for shade.
Look for our adoption,
Or meet our chilled blade.
Feel it in your bones;
The soothing wintry,
Delicious as scones,
We have your reentry!
Die with utter boredom,
Or die with excitement.
Choose well, don't be dumb,
Fall in to our incitement.
You won't last in the cursed heat,
But you will last in the frozen.
Face it, we do have Summer beat;
Come with us, you have been chosen!
Run to that devil, this is your test.
Oh, so close, but it can not be;
For we are nothing but blessed,
Why else would you return to me?
Cradled in Winter's arm,
Snug in a land of no pain.
Safe, and nothing will harm;
Feel the ice enter your veins.
The ground, snow twinkling,
The ocean, a whales fin,
The sky, snow sprinkling,
Alas, your accepting grin!
A glittering heaven;
Silent, soothing peace.
Winter a great leaven,
Our own golden fleece.
Winter, just so divine,
Summer, just so horrid.
Our souls intertwine,
To end Summer's torrid.
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