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Marriage

Posted Jun 16, '12 at 11:52am

nichodemus

nichodemus

12,077 posts

Knight

A word that causes untold regret in millions people, mass panic amongst in-laws, and years of sad sad domestic training and taming. Marriage isn't as sacred a concept (Has it been though? I'm sure that anguished husbands and nagging wives have always existed) as what people claim in the ''good old days''. Marriage is increasingly a temporal and brief affair, all puns aside. Divorce is on the rise, with single parent households an ubiquitous sight. 

So what do you feel about marriage, and how it has changed over time? Is marriage merely a static and unbearably traditional custom that has to be at all costs between a man and a woman? Or is a marriage more aptly an expression of love at it's heart, and thus doesn't matter when genders are concerned? Is marriage good? Bad? Necessary?

 

Posted Jun 16, '12 at 12:29pm

sensanaty

sensanaty

862 posts

A word that causes untold regret in millions people...

Ahh nicho, brightening my days with your genius comments on everything.

I don't think all marriages are short-termed, if we disregard celebrity marriages. Sure, there are still marriages that are caused by alcohol, but true marriage is still a huge step in life. I'm together with my girl for about 2 years now, and I'm still very far away from something as big as marriage.

...how it has changed over time?

Depends where. In Indonesia, it's identical to how it was 50 years ago. Maybe a bit more freedom in choosing your future life-partner than before, but still the same. In Serbia, marriage is much more open now. It used to be either you're Orthodox, or you're not marrying until you get baptized. Now, it's you meet someone, and marry them if you can afford it.

Does it have to be between a man and a woman? Absolutely not. I've noticed gay friends of mine that are much better fathers or mothers than straight couples. But, I guess this just depends from the people, too. It's definitively an expression of ones love to another person. Not always, though, but most of the time.

It certainly isn't necessary to marry. My parents aren't even officially married. They just make each other happy.

*
I have a question, too. Is marriage something that should be treated as something holy? Not in the sense of God holy or anything, but as something that shouldn't be walked into simply out of want?

 

Posted Jun 16, '12 at 12:50pm

HahiHa

HahiHa

5,033 posts

Knight

Marriage is still seen by some as the sacred union between man and woman, but it's true times are changing, with divorce getting easier and more approachable, and especially less socially rejectable. Some decades ago, or even less, you would have been seriously frowned upon by all of society for a divorce. Breaking up a marriage just wasn't done, if there was a problem, they either put up with it or lived in misery.
But with the divorce rates going higher, there is something wrong somewhere. Is it an expression that people are getting more independent, that the traditional livelong partnership between two people is losing value? I guess it's something in that line, I don't know though. But it makes you wonder why marriage is still such an important thing if it gets in the way that much.

Personally (and I know this isn't always the case; money can be a reason too) I see marriage as the expression of your love to your partner, and the wish to ever stand by their side. But this is a relatively new meaning, if you think that not long ago in most countries, and still now in some, marriage was arranged, discussed, bargained, used more as a sort of social tool than anything else. The ideal of a marriage out of love was nothing more than an ideal sang by the minstrels.
It's an achievement of modern society to be able to marry someone out of love, usually in a strong permament partnership. And I see the change of attitude towards marriage linked to the change of attitude towards traditional partnerships (meaning two people during all their life, no implication about genders). One comes with the other, and both are concurred by today's newest partnership trends.

I have a question, too. Is marriage something that should be treated as something holy? Not in the sense of God holy or anything, but as something that shouldn't be walked into simply out of want?

If you don't do it because you want, what other reason should you have? Money cannot really lead to a 'holy' marriage.

 

Posted Jun 16, '12 at 2:32pm

gooeyglop1

gooeyglop1

79 posts

I live in a household with two loving parents that would not divorce for anything. So I wouldn't know of the heartbreak of divorce. I do however, have many friends that had to go through that. And now they have unstable personalities, some can't think straight, and some bully others. So I believe, before you get married, think about the grounds on which you are doing so. There may be some selfish reasons, such as love. But make shure that's not all it is. make sure it will help others too. I'm not sure how, but just do.

 

Posted Jun 16, '12 at 3:36pm

Jeff1999

Jeff1999

648 posts

My mom and dad broke up, but they didn't change their surnames because I didn't know whitch parent do I like better. But the feeling when my parents broke up made me cry for a while (yes I did cry). The problem when your parents brake up is:
1) you get to have only one parent
2) you get to visit the second parent only a few days in a year because the first parent doesn't want you to do it
3) you need to decide whitch parent do you like better
So the one that suffers the most in braking up is the child.
Any other questions?

 

Posted Jun 16, '12 at 3:38pm

thebluerabbit

thebluerabbit

2,915 posts

i cant say how it changed over time since im only 18. what i CAN say is that when i was a kid it was every girls dream to get married and marriage did seam like a nice thing to do. i have no idea if the world changed or if im the one who changed after learning more about it.

i personally dont really care about it. a marriage in the future would be nice but id have no regrets if i wouldnt have it. and as a jew there are some special rules to who i am allowed to marry. i could care less about those rules. if ill ever get married it will be to someone i love weather she is jewish, muslim, divorced or whatever (yes im not supposed to marry divorced women either in judaism).

i personally dont need any papers do prove that i love someone and i can be perfectly happy with my love without them.

 

Posted Jun 16, '12 at 3:42pm

Jeff1999

Jeff1999

648 posts

I don't want a marriage and I don't want to be in love. My dad almost made an earthquake when he yelled. He was very angry when they broke up. I don't want it to end the same way how it ended for my dad and mom.

 

Posted Jun 16, '12 at 3:47pm

thebluerabbit

thebluerabbit

2,915 posts

sorry for double.

Marriage is still seen by some as the sacred union between man and woman, but it's true times are changing, with divorce getting easier and more approachable, and especially less socially rejectable. Some decades ago, or even less, you would have been seriously frowned upon by all of society for a divorce. Breaking up a marriage just wasn't done, if there was a problem, they either put up with it or lived in misery.
But with the divorce rates going higher, there is something wrong somewhere. Is it an expression that people are getting more independent, that the traditional livelong partnership between two people is losing value? I guess it's something in that line, I don't know though. But it makes you wonder why marriage is still such an important thing if it gets in the way that much.

yup... i remember when i was in elementary i felt so bad for others who had divorced parents as if they are going through some kind of hell. it used to be so rare back then and i thought that every child with divorced parents probably has emotional problems.

and then MY parents divorced in high school XD. it was still rare but people stopped making a big deal out of it. i do remember i didnt want to let people know because i thought they would pitty me.

and after a few years it became so common... i have no idea when it really changed but it seemed so normal. i think not just marriage but pretty much life (in most places) becomes more free and less strict.

My mom and dad broke up, but they didn't change their surnames because I didn't know whitch parent do I like better. But the feeling when my parents broke up made me cry for a while (yes I did cry). The problem when your parents brake up is:
1) you get to have only one parent
2) you get to visit the second parent only a few days in a year because the first parent doesn't want you to do it
3) you need to decide whitch parent do you like better
So the one that suffers the most in braking up is the child.
Any other questions?

i cried too and was scared and preseared but thats not always the case. many children with divorced parents see their other parent whenever they want to and usually the relationship between the parents becomes better when they can give eachother some space. i pretty much HAVE to see my father 3 times a week and see him much more then that. not only that he lives in the same neighbourhood. and i didnt have to decide who i like better. i personally knew my mother is much more educated and understands me better so i stayed with her.

some people make a really big deal of it when it doesnt have to be that way.

 

Posted Jun 16, '12 at 3:49pm

thebluerabbit

thebluerabbit

2,915 posts

sorry for double (would be funny if this one isnt a double either XD)

I don't want a marriage and I don't want to be in love. My dad almost made an earthquake when he yelled. He was very angry when they broke up. I don't want it to end the same way how it ended for my dad and mom.

it doesnt have to be this way. chances are you WILL fall in love in the future. you just have to play your cards right and actually care for that person. my situation wasnt really nice either and i feel bad remembering things but i know that i am different from both my parents and will not do the same mistakes. i personally do believe that love can be beautiful

 

Posted Jun 16, '12 at 3:50pm

Ernie15

Ernie15

12,548 posts

Knight

I would only marry someone if I was sure I wanted to spend the rest of my life with them and I could not imagine my life without them. And if they felt the same way but did not wish to get married, that would be perfectly fine with me too.

All it is is a legal commitment. You can still commit yourself to one person and spend the rest of your life with them without marrying them. The advantage to doing that is you'll be able to avoid divorce court should you two ever change your minds about each other.

 
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