I thought that maybe, there should a joke thread. Hence the name. You know, you should be able to come here after a day of school or work, to just sit back and relax. Enjoy a couple laughs at other posts, and move on. If you want to, you can leave a joke. Any kind of joke! I guess I'll start it off: Yo momma so fat, that she sits next to everybody in the movie theater. I'm going to experiment with the next one: Yo daddy so gay, that when I told him, he hit hit me with his purse.
A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds" . . . think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm . . . the suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer . . . wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Knock, Knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
On that note; here's a joke, I feel is somewhat decent:
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "**** it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
What,s the similarities between women and KFC? After you've finished off the thighs and breast, there's a greasy box to stick yer bone in.
And
A boy always sits behind a girl in this class, he always has. He constantly pokes her in the back. one day the teacher is teaching about Adam and Eve. She asks: "What do you think she said to adam after her 21st baby was born?" The girl lost her mind and shouted at the boy: "STOP STICKING THAT FAT LITTLE SAUSAGE IN ME OR ILL BITE IT OFF!" And the teacher said: "Along those lines, well done but she threatened to chop it off"
There was a blonde who was sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer was naturally bored, so he kept bugging the blonde to play a game of intelligence with him.
The blonde was reluctant, so the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds. He told her that every time she could not answer his question, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50. The lawyer figured the blonde was so dumb, he could not lose, and the blonde thought for a few minutes and reluctantly accepted to play his game.
The lawyer fires his first question "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. The blonde then asked the lawyer "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
The lawyer's face looked extremely puzzled. He spent several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to figure out the answer. Finally, the angry and frustrated lawyer handed the blonde $50.00.
The blonde put the $50 into her purse quickly without saying a word. The lawyer was outraged at this point and asked, "Well, what is answer?"
The blonde glanced at him with a smirk on her face and handed him a $5 bill.
So there are three guys that die together and they go to heaven. They get to the gates of heaven and Saint Marks comes out and welcomes them to heaven. He tells them to enjoy themselves, but they can't step on any ducks, because there are ducks all over the place and when you step on one, all of the others start quacking. They go through the gates and into heaven. They go about a week and then one guy steps on duck. Saint Marks comes over and says which one of you stepped one the duck. One of the guys says I did. Saint Marks leaves and comes back with an extremely ugly woman. He says this is your punishment. You must spend eternity together, and he ties the ugly girl to the guy that stepped on the duck. After another month another guy steps on a duck Saint Marks comes and ties him to an ugly girl as well. The last guy goes three months without stepping on a duck. One day he thinks to himself: gee I think I should get a reward for not stepping on a duck. All of sudden Saint Marks comes over with an amazingly beautiful girl and ties the two of them together. The guy says to the girl: boy I sure am lucky to be tied to you. The girl says: I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck.
A Mom tomato, a Dad tomato, and a kid tomato were taking a walk. The Mom tomato turned around and told the kid "Hurry up!", and the kid said "I'm coming!". A minute later, the Mom tomato said to the kid, "Hurry up!" and the kid said "I'm coming!" A minute later, the Mom tomato turned around to the kid tomato, and stomped on him, and said "Catch Up (Ketchup)!"
It's kind of a gory joke for a 5 year old, but it's still pretty funny.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
How old are these jokes? Wal-Mart doesn't sell typewriters anymore (maybe online, but not in-store.)
56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
How is that funny? All that does is make you look stupid.
87. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesnât go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see whoâs watching and run away as fast as your can.
That's stupid. You can end up in jail for a joke like that.
95. Light a match under a spinkler.
You going to pay for all the stuff that the water ruins?
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters. How old are these jokes? Wal-Mart doesn't sell typewriters anymore (maybe online, but not in-store.)
56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. How is that funny? All that does is make you look stupid.
87. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesnât go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see whoâs watching and run away as fast as your can. That's stupid. You can end up in jail for a joke like that.
95. Light a match under a spinkler. You going to pay for all the stuff that the water ruins? ^wow. You actually read all that crap?
