Bob walks into a bar and sees a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling. He sits down, calls over the bartender, and asks, "What's with all the meat hanging up?" The bartender replies, "If you can hit one, you get a free drink. If you miss, you have to buy everyone else a drink. Would you like to try?" Bob calmly answers, "I would, but the stakes are too high."
Macedonia declared war to the USA. Macedonians come and destroy New York. People expect a counter-attack from the USA, but the USA doesn't attack Macedonia. Macedonians come back and destroy Los Angeles, but the Muricans don't attack them. The next day, Obama calls the president of Macedonia and says: "I'm gonna destroy your country when I find it on the map."
It would certainly make more sense if it were directed at former president Bush. Anybody that took a history class knows that Macedonia is north of Greece. Bush is basically the embodiment of all the southern stereotypes, so it would only make sense that he would be uneducated. Whereas President Obama seems like your typical middle aged, white male (despite his skin color) that you see in 50s television shows.
Speaking of stereotypes, here's a joke from the Boondock Saints: A black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican guy are walking through the desert, and they come across a lamp. They rub the lamp, and a genie comes out. He'll give them each a wish. Black guy goes first. He wants his people healthy and happy, back in Africa. Genie does it. Mexican guy goes second. He wants his people healthy and happy, back in Mexico. Genie does it. White guy's turn. "So all the Black People and Mexicans are out of the country?" he asks. "Yeah," says the genie. The white guy says, "Well, I guess I'll have a Coke."
I got one! Papa yenkee and mama yenkee decided to divorce. It didnt realy went well. Over the battle of custidy over there son yenkee junior, the judge told joniur: "You gonna live with your mom in eashington. Is that ok by you?" Younk junior yelled "no!". The judge asked "why? " "she beat me!" He cried. "Thats ok young boy. You will live with your father in Utah ". "I dont want. He beat me too". "What about your grandparents at masachusech?" The judge asked. "They beat me as well..." "So wher you want to live?" "With my aunt at new-york" junior said. And you sure they wont beat you?" The judge asked. "Oh please. The new-york yenkees dont beat anyone!"
This isn't mine, but I thought it was kinda funny.
A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Got any grapes?"
Again, the bartender tells him, "No -- the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes and, furthermore, will never serve grapes." The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender yells, "Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!"
The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, "Got any nails?"
