President Bachmann and vice president Palin 2014! xD xD xD Hey, wait, that's not funny! :O
Please keep your political opinions out of the tavern, there is a WEPR for that. (also its off topic and just plain stupid)
Back on topic.
This is a joke that only makes sense when you say it out loud, and I first heard 7 years ago.
How do you fit an elephant in a safeway bag? Take the s out of safe and the f out of way. Too bad there is no f in way. (this last line makes sense when you hear it, well, more sense)
A drunk staggers out of a bar, and immediately punches a nun to the ground. He then yells, "Not so tough now, are ya Batman?" sorry that was bad Better one: A blonde walks into a hairdresser listening to her iPod. The hairdresser says, "I have to ask you to take off your headphones before I can give you a haircut. The blonde complies, and takes off the headphones. A few minutes into the haircut, the blonde falls dead in the chair.
A little later, another blonde comes comes in also wearing headphones. The hairdresser says "You have to take off your headphones before I can cut your hair." The blonde takes off her headphones, and the hairdresser starts cutting. A few minutes later, the blonde falls dead.
The hairdresser finally decides to see what music the blondes were listening to, and put the headphones on. All she heard was "Breath in. Breath out. Breath in. Breath out."
How do you fit an elephant in a safeway bag? Take the s out of safe and the f out of way. Too bad there is no f in way. (this last line makes sense when you hear it, well, more sense)[quote]
Dangit boy it is supposed to be "how does a man with no arms and no way get across the freeway etc etc"
A blonde is driving down a country road, she hasn't been driving long and she's never been on this road before. While she's driving she accidentally bumps into a truck, they both pull off of the road. Angry, the truck driver gets out of his truck in a rage with some chalk. He then draws a circle with the chalk and tell the blonde to get in the circle and stay there, she does this. The man starts slashing the blonde's tires. He looks back and the blonde is giggling. Even angrier, he gets in the blonde's vehicle and starts ripping things apart, now the blonde's laughing even harder. "Why are you laughing? Don't you see that I'm destroying your car? WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?!" he says "Every time you look away I step out of the circle" the blonde says
How do you fit an elephant in a safeway bag? Take the s out of safe and the f out of way. Too bad there is no f in way. (this last line makes sense when you hear it, well, more sense)
~~~Darth Caedus
That's real good. I'm going to have to use that. Anyway...
Back in the summer of '09, I watched the Pixar movie "Up" in theaters about a month after it came out. About two months later in mid-August, one of my sister's friends invited my sister and I to watch it. Since we knew it was a good movie, we went along. So my sister's friend's mom is driving, I'm riding shotgun, and my sister, my sister's friend, and my sister's friend's sister are in the backseat. On the way to the theater, my sister's friend's mom was talking about how good and funny the clips on the commercials for the movie were (like this and this). I then tell her that those clips aren't actually in the movie. She says, "Well, that's kind of a bait-and-switch, isn't it? You think you're getting one thing and once you're hooked they give you another." My sister and I explained that it's not like that. The clips were true to the movie in humor and stuff even if they weren't in the final cut, so it's all good. Now this all happened to be on the day that my sister and her friend had gone to their freshmen orientation for high school, which was basically a "get to know your classmates day" and there were cooperative games, candy, small prizes, etc. So my sister and her friend were discussing how fun it was shortly after the other conversation had ended. My sister's friend said something like "If high school's like that all the time, I never want to miss a day!" And I say "Now there's a bait-and-switch."
It's an old math joke i think. I say old because the boy learned the formula Pi r squared in college. Must have been at a stupid school to not have learned that in 4th grade :P
On to the joke: "Did you hear about the hardworking farmer and son who had saved all their lives so that the boy could go to college? After he had gone about a year, he came home for Christmas and his father wanted to know something that he had learned in college. So the boy repeated, "Pi r squared." His father yelled, "Do you mean to tell me that pies are square?! You know right well that pies are round. Cornbread is square."
A guy spent 50 years in jail, in isolation for murdering 2 homosexual. After being released, he told the taxi driver: "I've been in jail for 50 years and now I'm free so can you recommend me some gay place so I can have a party and get drunk?" xD
To those who are too young to get the joke, the word gay had a different meaning in the 40's and 50's.
"Ten times the number of people in this room." The man pulls out a gun.
wut
Each person in the bar (presumably) has ten fingers. He's "holding" the place up (robbing it). Ie, he's "holding up" "10 times" the number of fingers in the room.
Each person in the bar (presumably) has ten fingers. He's "holding" the place up (robbing it). Ie, he's "holding up" "10 times" the number of fingers in the room.
Would be really awkward if the bartender answered him normally.
"How many fingers am I holding up?" "10" "Er..well, yes. *pulls out gun*"
