ForumsThe TavernAG Quotes of the Ages

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1,273 posts

Funny/interesting quotes from AG members. Can be from AG, or outside of it. Whether said in thread format, or yelled out in the heat of battle in DOTA by certain plebs, post 'em.

  • 73 Replies
3,063 posts

Yes, I'm still posting in this thread.

MattEmAngel: How about you just calm down right now. Just calm do- Just- sir please just calm down. Cal- JUST CALM DOWN. CALM D- CALM DOWN
*pulls out handgun*



(from ScrewTheLag's profile comments)

And so the next morning, Sir HahiHa sallied forth to the southwest, riding all day and so reaching said valley by the evening. Indeed there it was, big, dark, even harder to see in the waning light, a castle whose walls seemed to be made of dense brown indigestible bakery. "The perfect defense", Sir HahiHa thought, in awe. The gate guards, who were luckily not French, let him in, and soon he sat, waiting for an audience with the cunning King of Castle Pumpernickel, wondering what trials awaits him.

Mmmm.... Edittuccine Alfredo.

Gantic: The journey continues! to a table with a board game.

R2D21999: Wat is a board game?

Gantic: It's a game played on a board.

R2D21999: Wooooaaaaah. That's amazing!
(from I want to play another game...)

Here's the proof... signed by my doctor.

[Quoting: Depr0 is like 23 i swair! give him beer
signed; reAl d0ctor I pr0mise]

HEAR YE HEAR YE I AM THE TOWN CRIER! *starts crying* ;~;

Dr_Walrus: 24. I'm new and here to count to 100

GhostOfNinja: 25. I'm not so new, but still here to count to 100.

helpo1: (26) - I'm not here and I count to 100.

Frank_Frooton: 27. hi im mjolnir and ive been sober for 2 hours. thanks.
(from Count to 100: Superfictional) fantasies are being realized!11!

This thread is the most insipid, ill-conceived, and uninspired piece of dreck that has ever washed up from the bubbling cesspit that forms the absolute dregs of human mentality. The existence of such deplorable bilge is an unsightly blot on the Armor Games escutcheon and an affront to all right-thinking beings.

I like the letter blue.

[quoting pangtongshu: (they form from dust)]

[quoting FishPreferred: Cobwebs are produced by Theridiidae species.]
No longer mindblown.

At least that's what my talking helmet says.

There were a bunch of Super Space Robot Knights as well, but they didn't have any powers besides telecommunication. They are listed in the Super Space Robot Knight Hall of Infamy. The Wretched Peasants didn't get any of that and they are too many in number to name, so we'll just ignore them for now.

OBJECTION! Could someone get an ambulance! I'm bleeding from multiple lashing wounds and I've stained the carpet red because of it.

The toilet paper is flipped forward. Always. If flipped backward, I WILL flip it forward.

the copy and paste skill is strong with this one
stan640 (from HACKED AG STATUS ACCESS comments)

We always need more rules to not follow

Seriously, you guys are about as huggable as a giant pink teddy bear to a seven-year-old girl. Yeah, I hate you that much. In a few years, only a few of you will still be here, but I will still hate all of you.

These new sticky's have taught me how to not have my asherlee threads get zophiad due to devoidlessing my cenere.

You see, our quantum enumerator was damaged back when the rhinoctopus escaped its holding cell, and I guess none of the surfboard ninjas filed a report to the Grand High Council of Custodial Technicians, so we couldn't get the spectre deflector up in time to stop the Atlantean invasion forces. They were, of course, repelled by the roach battallion in the end, but now the technetium forge is in ruins and we've lost three of the inviso-suits somewhere along the way. Also, the umlaut reservoir is nearly depleted again.

pang's brain comes straight out of the gutter, R2 writes like he's from another galaxy, strom only shows up for literal blood and guts, Fish goes through synonyms like a chain smoker goes through Marlboros, and I generally nitpick and push the envelopes until they fall off the table into the fiery pit of moderator intervention.

Unfortunately, Gantic succeeded in his takeover and defeated the resistance before it could get any sort of footing. The mods were imprisoned forever and ever, but life wasn't so bad. Cute, fluffy bunnies everywhere!
1,132 posts

@FishPreferred No one is telling you to stop, presumably because these are so funny most of the time.

13,406 posts

Quotes from MBFF pages 50 to 100.

Props to whoever came up with the Donner Family Picnic. That's so hilariously sick it's clever.

Cookies shaped like thongs and Spongebob? That's my kind of bakery.

Fried chili on a burger? Donuts being used as buns? Texaco gasoline? There's a burger idea right there.


Here is some guac to go with that vomiting pumpkin cake...

Lol, that Quadruple Bypass Burger looked so much better in the ad.

Finally, a way to make eggnog interesting!

Holy hell... I've had to blindfold my heart just to keep it from fainting! =O

Hah, you're right, I do need some rest! Cheap wine from a box should get the job done...

You might want to check the urinals as well as the toilets... that miso soup is a pretty suspicious color!

I happen to love these, and I grill them on occasion when I'm feeling overdue for a heart attack!


As a fat man, even I can say I would not be able to eat more than two of those in a day. It wouldn't be possible, I'd die of something before I finished the third one.

I searched for a "quid cake" but got no relevant results. Instead, I got special fish sauce.

So much meat on one burger. So wonderful for the tongue, so rough on the cholesterol. A chocolate ice cream donut burger could be considered a healthy alternative.


This is what we call a godsend. Now, if only restaurants would sell this, we'd be in business. "We" as in the burger and myself.

And tongkat ali isn't exactly a household flavor, at least not in this country.

But I've learned early on to never go out of my way to eat in San Francisco. It would be one thing if the food was worth the drive, but it's almost a better use of my time just to swallow all the gasoline I'd use to get there.

They serve fish eggs, why not serve the fertilizer to go with it?

Just as long as they're served separately. I'd feel like a birth control pill if I ate the two together.

Gall bladder, appendix,'s all just stuff you don't need.

Finally, a bag of cherry Jelly Bellies that aren't cinnamon-flavored.

It perks you up and steals your money. Why don't they just call it "Starbucks"?

Whatever subtlety the toilet soup bowl tried to convey has been lost by the existence of the plastic poo.

Actually, that beetle pie would look pretty good if it wasn't for that disgusting feta cheese.

Don't you just hate it when you pay for the Smart you want, and it gets caught in the machine, and you don't even get your dollar fifty back? That's the worst feeling ever.

I'm not going to be able to get over the fact that to this day I've never tried turducken while someone's dog eats it every day.


Now I want to go Om Nom Nom on that lingerie cake!

I wish they made some Republican bubble gum too so I can spit them as far as I can.


When the phrase is "Blow your lunch" and its a hot dog, it just sounds really dirty. Or maybe thats just me...

I find it funny how in Europe, you have all these incredibly fat, disgusting, greasy foods. They take American fast food and... make it more American. We have to step up our game ladies.


I don't see what is wrong with it...every now and then I like to enjoy myself a little personal gaytime...maybe if I'm feeling nice that day I'll share the gaytime with friends

I'm just...going to pretend that that is a sausage...please tell me I'm right

Quick question..have we covered all the genitalia based foods in these threads yes?


I tried these "boogers" the other day and they were horrible.

"Aids" isn't really the ideal name for a candy, not too mention the candy is a band aid.


Camel balls: definitely not the best name for a chewing gum, but let the picture speak for itself.


They sell the gum not more then 3 blocks from where I live... I thought about buying it, but I don't want to look like I actually like chicken flavored gum.

There is no way that is real =O. Tasty Moose.


Hmmm.... all those vermin-based dishes are really bugging me....

I swear it was made of plastic. I took one bite and palmed it off on some freshman freeloader.

Google yelled at me when I tried to enter that URL

And what is Maak De Smaak? Is that like the Dutch version of shoop-da-whoop?

I like how the Spermies say "no salt added" as though people would assume the candy is salty.


Cow nostrils, apparently Europeans eat them.


Now I have to go gurgle with some mouth wash!


I've never had ice cream with a flavor so long it took up three lines.

I want to know if "Everyone Forgot My Birthday" tastes like real birthday cake or just melted wax candles.


3,063 posts

You will surely be mauled and killed and hacked into pieces but aside from that we're a peaceful people.

Enjoy your stay!

[quoting themoose24999: dont be to greedy now]


[quoting themoose24999: game of thrones?]


[quoting themoose24999: greed and how its cause the wars in the middle east. "The petro dollar"]


[quoting themoose24999: you only live once go for it man]


[quoting themoose24999: stop smoking so much weed. it might help you with number 4.]


FishPreferred: Ferret...Be honest. Did you eat Gantic and hire a mole to replace him?

Ferret: Such horrible... *burp*... allegations. Slander!
(from Ferret's profile comments)

Oh god, I am at work.... What I'm supossed to do now??? Work????????
masterexplorer, during a sitewide malfunction

HahiHa: This is an obvious false dichotomy, there is no wrong answer. However, to play the game I'd say it is half full, because the standard condition of a glas is empty, therefore you have to fill it in order to make it half full.

Ishtaron: I could say the opposite. A glass is a container, the purpose of its existence is to be filled. Anytime it's not completely filled it isn't accomplishing that purpose and thus the emptiness stands out.

FishPreferred: No. There is no such thing as "half full" or "half empty", just as there is no such thing as a "half on" light switch or a "half tails" coin flip. The state of the container is "half capacity".

MattEmAngel: The bottle is always full of something. Half liquid means the rest is air or some other gas. Or solid. Or anything, really.

09philj: If you have been filling it, it's half full. If you have been emptying it, it's half empty.

FishPreferred: This also begs the question of what constitutes full capacity. ~10^12kg of matter can occupy 1mL with room to spare, so a thinly-spread vapour isn't going to be filling much.

MattEmAngel: It's full of whatever is inside it if it is evenly distributed.

HahiHa: Actually I'm more of a mind with FishPreferred, if the gas filling the bottle is only at half its habitual pressure, the bottle can be considered at half capacity; otherwise you would have to assume that the bottle can be equally full when containing different amount of matter, which is counter-intuitive. Of course that also means that unlike for solids and liquids, a bottle can be filled by more than its capacity if you pressurize the gas, which is not entirely intuitive either.

MageGrayWolf: In an environment such as ours the bottle is never half empty. Half of it will be filled with various gases while the rest will be filled with some other substance, most likely some sort of liquid.

HahiHa: When the question is merely posed as "Is the bottle half empty or half full", we have no more information than that. We don't know whether it has been filled or emptied, we don't know if the environment is the same as ours right now. All these are assumptions. As I told Matt, we can just as well assume that the rest of the bottle is a vacuum.
Some WEPR regulars (from Is the bottle half empty or half full?)

many YEARS. of PRACTICE. led to me FULLY UNDERSTANDING. the HOW. and WHY. of making FUNNY SOUND EFFECTS. to go along with GAMES. in which you SHOOT RABBITS. with TOILET PLUNGERS.
StormWalker (from StormWalker's profile comments)

8. Made with 100% organic free trade 8.

got to have them sweet sweet chunks, unless you're drinking water, get that one checked out.

Got paperwork? Being mugged? Hate bushes? Having a party? No probz! This mini flame thrower does it all!

...beard chewing spook! *throws toilet paper and runs away*
Riptizoid101 (from Freakenstein's profile comments)

Lemon curd is awesome. No, I didn't steal this from a picnik basket. You people and your stereotypes.

armorplayergc: How are you going to celebrate AG's 10th anniversary today?

R2D21999: By burning down the ArmorGames HQ as a sacrifice.
(from Question of the Day)

Yay. Another vict-
The acronym W.E.P.R. pertains to the forum section known as the W.E.P.R.. Despite what you may have heard, read, or seen, the W.E.P.R. is a totally safe and friendly environment dedicated to worldly discussions about various topics such as political theory, current events, philosophy, theology, anthropology, ethics, and other things unrelated to plots to conquer the Earth and enslave mankind.

"Your lentil soup was horrible!"

So, uh, what are the, um, uh, side-effects of uh, smoking,. um...doritos?

09philj: Nobody has been back in time to see the Easter island heads being put up, therefore the easter island heads were definitely deployed from space by aliens.

FishPreferred: What a load of nonsense. They were clarly hand carved by a prehistoric race of jotun in a last ditch effort to scare away the sea monsters that drove them to extinction.
(from Evolution)

I don't know what the OP was about but Im'ma say that it was a bad post and wouldn't work anyway...

All aboard the thorium-powered gravy train! Now fitted with an extra-strong basket so you can store ALL your eggs!

technically, they can. Gantically, they can't.

Yes, finally the scientific community has the proof it's been searching for**: All religious and spiritualistic beliefs are the product of diseased minds! Now we can all hang up our lab coats and take up golfing full-time.
3,063 posts

Hardscoping is that thing noobs do when they can't do 360 noscopes like me, xXxdixoncider68xXx. Like all MLG pros I got my headset to tell all the noobs on why their mothers are so obese, my copy Call of Duty Black Ops 3; the most superior CoD game only second to Ghosts, and my glass of apple juice. *sips* *spit take* MA! YOU GOT ME FACKING SWEET TEA! I WANTED MY 80% REAL FRUIT APPLE JUICE! THIS IS WHY DAD LEFT!!

Anyway, if you want to go 1 v 1 with me on CoD, you better be prepared for tons of noscopes and a 99% chance of squeaky-voiced screaming every time I'm shot.

I'm now interested in seeing Insane Fankwagon in Central Park and hearing the racist gypsy music.

travelling through cheese is hard, but slapping cheese is easy

I think the color choice is excellent. The reds and blues really make the flying turtle booger stick out against the drab background.

You must have a truly spectacular team of lawyers if they can reduce your sentence by more than 400 000 years.


*pukes and faints*

sonnymasta: A group of lions who wanted to eat him and he was eaten again then thrown to a bunch of....

plokkey: elephant dung which exploded causing him to hit a....

sonnymasta: cactus full of thorns and BOB shouted so loud that it made vultures come to him then the vultures eat him again and drop him off to a pile of...

knight_34: very large pyramid in Egypt which was filled with...

plokkey: elephant dung which exploded causing him to fly into a pyramid which game him the feeling od De Ja Vu so this time he fell into horse dung which......
(from Destroy BOB)

So I'm a false god of hair, I guess. Baldness and logic are my ultimate weaknesses.

Bingo is for grouchy senior citizens who drive Lincoln Towncars and have hemorrhoids. The best place to play bingo is at those bingo hall conventions because it gathers all the grouchy senior citizens in one place and keeps them out of society for a few hours.

It would be nice if someone would at least acknowledge that they are aware of the problem and are trying to fix it. It has been 24 hours now.
jowc123, complaining about a problem that was fixed 23 hours earlier (less than 8 hours after it was found)

4. Today's reset is brought to you by ... Radium Water. Guaranteed to work wonders until your jaw falls out.
Radium Water! Proud sponsor of CT100.

It is a simple problem of an endless loop. Clicking on a game puts you on a screen saying to click here to play the them then you are directed back to the main page. An endless loop. How hard is it to understand. The site has been like this for about a week so far. Maybe the Mods should pay some attention to the site.
donwiessner, complaining about the same problem less than 8 hours after jowc123

I see you're planning on skewering random bystanders for your afternoon tea. Just to let you know, they go best with sugar and cinnamon. Butter merely makes them greasy.

Unfortunately, this policy is the result of many Mini Coopers complaining about tall humans forcefully getting inside them. Courts usually side with Coopers to protect them, as more often they are the victims than humans are. Unfortunately, there's more Coopers than there are dwarfs so they have to compromise whether they want it or not.

*bashes head on desk*


- All objects bearing the number three are heretical and must be destroyed.

- Participation in Steam sales is mandatory.

- Anyone found to have their frame rate dropping below 60fps will be publicly waxed.

- To show solidarity with our lord, all citizens must become the same mass as Gaben within three months of receiving this notice.

This is a reminder that, as of yesterday's ruling, all expressions of excitement, joy, or amusement are strictly prohibited except on the thirty-first of each month, upon which they are decreed mandatory by the Ministry of Entertainment. Furthermore, weekly entertainment rations to every household shall be further reduced by 15% per capita, in order to accomodate for the growing populace and possible future privation.

On a side note: All wall paints must now be made of Asbestos and Moon rocks

Thank you
The Ministry of Safe Science

wookie1196: IX. Wait... Aren't Objections Objectively Objective?

armorplayergc: (10) no, when objects object, their objections are objectively objective, but if it's not an object, objections are never objectively objective

PixelDude: 11. i liek tertles

wookie1196: XII. Yes you do son. Yes you do

KatPryde: 13. No, llama, no!!!
(from Count to 100: Superdysfunctional)

Whenever it is was when the it was later today will be and come on down to the that if malware stream live with new improving please read always sentence makes no sense and to the online shopping i went online and got free wart remover for trial with warts then yes and give to credit cards to company to uses for nothing for free cannot find the remote i know somewhere it flee not escape with needs a new toilet tank i cannot repair always with sometimes and maybe one day i will not eat bacon but today am without wart and very life is yes

In fact, I suggest everyone practice doing things with their non-dominant hand, really, because if you lose that good hand, you're not gonna be able to do cool stuff like draw ponies and beat up Asians (if you're racist).

The upshot is that you are wrong, unless of course you can dredge up some profound, miraculous, and utterly flawless evidence that overturns the phylogenetic tree and forces a complete reconstruction of the scientific community's understanding of natural history. It's okay; I can wait.

I think the background colors don't work well together. The cream and gray is very boring and doesn't provide a good contrast for the flying turtle booger.
18,315 posts

These are all from Count to 100, from pages 665 to 671:

@nivlac724: 10. A NEW RECORD!!!

@minecraftsniper: 11 . TRUE DAT

@Patrick2011: 12. @nivlac724, You mean local record. Also, the next page is 666.

@StormWalker: 13. A little superstitious, are we?

R2D21999: 11. But that reset still counted as a reset.


Patrick2011: 16. Both of you went backwards. The number 16 is an attempt to cover edits.

Stormwalker: 1. R2 can't edit. We're doomed.

nivlac724: 2. THAN WE NEED TO RESTART!!!

Patrick2011: 3. And you edited in time.

Stormwalker: 4. What a horrible way to use the demon page.

nivlac724: 5. Whats the demon page?

Stormwalker: 6. 666

Patrick2011: 7. Each page turn carries an additional danger because the ghost page glitch has entered this thread.

nivlac724: 8. How is 666 the demon page?


minecraftsniper: 10. AND R2 will doom us all

R2D21999: 10. I'm prepared for the FUTURE

Patrick2011: 12. Another edit is needed.

Stormwalker: 1. Not future enough. R2 still can't edit.

Patrick2011: 2. Then he shouldn't be on this thread until either it becomes less active or he gains access to a real browser.

R2D21999: 4. How about now?

Stormwalker: 1. R2 i swear

minecraftsniper: 2. its the apocalypse

Patrick2011: 3. My previous post still applies.

Stormwalker: 4. moo

R2D21999: 3. Juno is a real browser. It's just not a good one.

nivlac724: 4. HOW IS 666 THE DEMON PAGE!?!?!?!?!??!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Patrick2011: 1. And it has failed you again.

Stormwalker: 2. Are you really trying to tell me you haven't heard of 666?

R2D21999: 3. Future post!

minecraftsniper: 4. ok im done :/

Patrick2011: 5. You should explain it to him this time.

nivlac724: 6. ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!!!!!!

Patrick2011: 1. Too late.

Stormwalker: 2. are you serious i said the exact same thing as patrick at the same time

minecraftsniper: 3. edit is for R2

Stormwalker: 1. dangit i wrecked it

R2D21999: 4. FUTURE POST!

nivlac724: 1. Too late to you!

Patrick2011: 2. StormWalker's edit was too late. Anyway, I'm done for tonight.

Stormwalker: 3. goodnight patrick

minecraftsniper: 4.Me too see you guys

R2D21999: 6. Please edit on time

Stormwalker: 1. dammit r2

minecraftsniper: 2. that explains it

R2D21999: 3. FUTURE POST!

Stormwalker: 4. accurate for once

R2D21999: 6. FUTURE POST!

Stormwalker: 1. r2 imma kick ur butt into next week

nivlac724: 2. Last post for me

Stormwalker: 3. i've been doing this for an hour

R2D21999: 4. Future post!

Stormwalker: 5. Is 1 am the bad time or something?

@Riptizoid101: 6. This is the number 6.


R2D21999: 7. Is it possible? Is it possible for me to not screw up?! Is this a sign that something good will happen?

Stormwalker: 1. frank ur a butt

R2D21999: 2. Frank is a homosapien.

@Chryosten: 3. I don't even know what's going on.

R2D21999: 4. All you need to know is that I was the only one that could actually count well. Everyone else just screwed up.

1,325 posts

The brutal truth is: no money = no more free games.

to whom it may concern,

nice job on discovering that this is a lot more effective than "stop blocking ads, plz". it made me deactivate my adblocker for ag, and im considering uninstalling it completely. so, as a non-afg user who knows how much the look of the site changes with adblock, i can guarantee u that it can make anyone stop blocking ads

3,063 posts

That's right. It's another round of zany quotations from various sources of dubious legitimacy:

What if the universe spontaneously generated itself as a semi-conscious entity made entirely of ham and cheese, which to our ham-and-cheese-based senses appears to be something else? If it could do that, why wouldn't it be able to appear as the universe that we actually observe? Thus, it would seem that the ham and cheese universe is an equally logical model.

Floor 103

And this floor is about the 6th of the 7 sins...Lust. *CENSORED*, but *CENSORED and if you *CENSORED*, you *CENSORED*

Floor 115

This floor has no floor. It's just a big empty pit with walls and an elevator shaft. A seemingly endless stream of flooring contractors keep coming up the elevator and falling to the floor below.

Floor 132

The people who build the floor below didn't realize that we have 2 Floor 129s So they labelled it Floor 130 but it is actually Floor 131. This floor is a placeholder floor designed to fix that...because in any skyscraper, it is far easier to just build one more floor than attempt to switch the labels on the previous floors

Floor 179
This floor had to be repurposed into a lunatic asylum in order to safely house the few architects whose floor designs had been rejected by the building supervisor. They are kept well away from bricks, mortar, blueprints, and anything else that may spur them to create a zombie toddler petting zoo or a frozen spaghetti jungle on any of the remaining floors.

Floor 188

This is the 188th floor. Not much here. Except... What's that? OH &*%$ IT@S GOING TO GET ME!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!! RUN!!!! *elevator door closes* onto 189.

Floor 209

It's got a very serviceable water dispenser and a clean working microwave. Pretty much the most popular floor in the building.

We also tend to be more trusting of what people say on here too from what I've seen...frankly, I just think that everything everyone on here says is a lie..and that everyone but me is either a fat pedo trying to touch me or a government agent tracking me. Makes everything easier

Idiot22: u believe in a gay theory. how can u prove a theory when it aint a scientific law.

loloynage2: sexy lesbian theory, please and thank you.
(from disprovig evelotion with zach and friends)

anyone who says "nothing is impossible" has obviously never
tried to staple jello to a tree.

Drill down to the dashboard, wait for the bloatware to bubble up, then ping the cheese with your bandwidth and reset the procrastinator drive circuit to "3" before upgrading the woodchuck in the file cabinet to make sure that the yellow eraser and the pink highlighters don't fuse and create a subatomic wormhole into the sewer initializer program, while making sure not to enter the tofu into the crabgrass scanner bottle within 9 seconds of snorting the spaghetti matrix.

For no obvious reason, I decide to trim a topiary into the shape of a well-maintained shrub.

As you can see there's no moderator, administrator or other staff commenting there, or releasing a warning. This proves there was no warning, proving the second lie in MrDayCee's official post!
zolika14, immediately after showing a screenshot of the aforementioned warning

Thank you for your patience and please do not accept any torches or pitchforks being passed around, as they are made of substandard materials and you're likely to get splinters and rusty cuts all over your paw pads and have to get treated for tetanus infection, which means getting shaved in embarrassing places and eating puréed salmon for a few months.

Edit: Not that that happened to me or anything. Just saying.


45. [Public Service Announcement] Don't drink the GantiCorp coffee, if you think you have ingested an lethal amount of said substance, please contact your lawyer and update your will. No known treatment is available at this time. Please stay tune for more information.

Napoleon danced to war-torn France, who dramatically increased fatness among outrageous Munchkins which causes a war of England versus aliens which stupidly died. Later, the loyal died due to deadness of many stupid orcs. Although he was totally unaware, he ate my favorite, fuzzy, pink beanbag alive. Unfortunately, my nose has A.D.D., causing it to combust. "Sasquadjakl!" the strange, five-eyed sasquatch exclaimed. It had fierce bazooka arms, crusty from Martian goo from the orcs from epic "Snowball thrower". Frozen poo flingers from the land of Ice and fire. With great power and size he destroyed the evil raccoon, thus preserving its rutabaga stockpile completely.
lord0ftiki, ChromeDeathRazor, yourawesomeness, Azywng, StormWalker, PwnajLeadah981, Clancy12, ArgamenPhish, Arceus12, xAyjAy, malou_wang_xa, S_man98, vungi, BlazingZelda, JuicyFruits, arcticwolf33, Maizie, dragonball05, Nerdsoft, GandalftheGrey666, Nahar, Chryosten, and SteveeXb (from One Word Story!)

This makes me wish I can gain artistic drawing abilites from stabbing myself with art supplies. That has proven to be impossible as I have tried many times.

Hah! Luckily I drank that bottle of poison to cancel out the other poison. That's how poison works, right?

Now, ordinarily I would offer an appropriately condescending retort, but sadly I hadn't actually prepared anything suitable for quite so extreme a level of pretentious naïvité. Sorry.

I'd honestly be more scared if you told me Sasquatch was waiting in my closet with a shotgun, because I'd find that easier to believe.

If you want to expand your mind, eat a bunch of cheese before bed or go to a modern art museum.
SportShark (from Riptizoid101's profile comments)

MattEmAngel: I'm going to propose a pattern. Considering that you cannot move the "zero-eth" word, nor can you move the third word (since there is no third word), the pattern must involve a change of either the first or second word. A safe guess is that it's an alternation between the second word turning into a new word, then the first word changing to the previous second word.

Ergo, the next two would be
B and D (second word moved down by one), "The Crow and ____"
C and D (first word moved down by one), "The Crown and ____"

FishPreferred: I move that it be renamed "The Crock and Crawdad", specifically so that it doesn't fit this pattern.

MattEmAngel: fish pls I already have no idea what I'm doing.
(from "The Forumnauts and the Crow and Crown" or whatever it's being called now)

spilping (spil-ping) noun
1. the act of a person or thing that spilps
2. that which is spilped
3. engaging in acts unbefitting of Gantitude.
4. the predoneration of cacimers, esp. during a blood moon, with pleck mosons.
5. a scremp

syn.: desolagitation, casodomography, wardling, scremp, crinsile, prescrutimony, handuling
ant.: Gantitudination

[...] and while heading back these forest rangers started shooting at me, and since I didn't have my harpoon gun I ended up hijacking somebody's ATV. Of course the main road was still out because of that landslide, so since I had an ATV, I cut through the adjascent woodland and--Well, long story short; it turns out that trees aren't terrain.

[...] because naive idealist idiots don't realize that human nature isn't something that someone who isn't even 20 years old yet can ignore, much less change. Trying to do so is like trying to tame a T-rex with a cookie, and then being surprised when the T-rex eats the envoy and so they instead send more envoys with cookies.

3,063 posts

After five months, I have no idea whether this will rebound back into circulation or collapse in a heap on the Tavern floor, but since I had all these quotes lying around anyway ...

Riptizoid101: Did I win yet.

apldeap123: No, Rip. The trial didn't start yet.

StormWalker: I'm here. Have we lynched Matt yet?

Riptizoid101: Seconded. Why haven't we lynched Matt yet?
(from AG High Court)

The natural enemy of a ferret is probably broccoli or really lumpy pillows.

Ferret and MrDayCee will sign your permaban with a smiley face.


GhostOfMatrix: I think I deserve the new "King" status by now. There can only be one, so it should be me. Forever.

Riptizoid101: GhostOfMatrix for king. ALL HAIL GoM.

pangtongshu: I stand by Matrix so long as we are graced with photos at a reasonable schedule

GhostOfMatrix: Ferret you've heard the users of AG, make it so

Ferret: Only if you pull this sword from this rock...

FishPreferred: Don't you also need another sword from that strange woman who lives in the lake?

(from Who should be Knighted?)

I thoroughly enjoy the uselessness of this thread. So refreshing.

This is what happens when I try to make a forum game. I accept no liability for any damage to property, credibility, or brain tissue, any loss of funds, memory, hair, children, or limbs, nor for any locust plague, gravy explosion, excessive hair growth, uncontained singularity, bread cancer, economic collapse, noise pollution, nuclear disaster, or power ballad which may result directly or indirectly from the existence of this thread.

Floor 312
There's a weird visual effect on this floor that makes it seem like your eyeballs are upside down and constantly spinning, which wouldn't be too bad if it weren't for the numerous twisting corridors filled with tripping hazards and funhouse mirrors. Barf bag dispensers are stationed at every doorway.

Don't you know Salmon is a gate way fish soon you'll be smoking Tuna and Flounder.

In Gantic time, one day must be at least 72 hours. Incredible.

Please fill out these liability and release waivers before handing over your soul. While it is enjoying its all-expenses-paid ... "vacation", your lifeless husk will be well looked after in the WEPR zombie labs, which, despite the name/appearance/mission statement, etc., have nothing at all to do with the replacement of people with philosophical zombies.

Also, please keep your head with you at all times, as headless zombies are too easily detected and lack coordination.

Roccess: Man... I was hoping on seeing Strop's; I heard he's a good drawer.

LucasDaLegend: Cenere is an amazing drawer too!

Gantic: Yeah, but they're not much as dressers. If you put them together though, you get an okay dresser. You need more than two drawers for a good dresser.
(from I Want to See Your Mental Poop II: The Finale)

Aw, you got my hopes up. Well, welcome back, and I sorely miss your absence already

That's right, folks. Now you too can join the fun with your very own How Gantic Are You Home Game™ from Ganticorp! Each set is complete with Rorschach ink blots, dental extractors, abacus, cattle prod, 170 Watt desk lamp, conch hackers, and Pavlovian cue cards. Three dice included, despite having no relevance to the game.

(Instruction manual sold separately)
FishPreferred (from Gantic's profile comments)

*gasp* Random Dude is dead! He was like a brother to me.

Egad! Are you suggesting that there are actually people who deliberately deceive the public in order to make money? Sir, I am flabbergasted! So profound is this revelation, I am at a loss for words.

09philj; The sudden title change suggests an unseen hand at work. I'll not be controlled, you hear me? I'll never submit!

Arm_Candy: If you do not submit, your posts will be nothing more than text in a box that only you can see.
(from This Thread is Currently about: WolfQuest)

Hey, this isn't going to turn out to be one of those clingy MacGuffins, is it? Because I don't want to have to go all the way back to Mt. Destructo just to get this destructoed off.

Do you know how hard it is to ship 100 live ferrets to the convention floor? Let me tell you, it's serious business.

If we stickied every thread that should be stickied, the entire front page of every forum would all be stickies.
3,063 posts

Much like the field of manual percussive renal physiotherapy, but, as it happens, AG doesn't have a niche for professional kidney-punchers either.

When in doubt, personify citrus! That's what I always say.

I have arisen from the depths to COMPLAIN ABOUT THE VAGUENESS OF THIS THREAD.

Yeah. Pogs were everywhere. I got pogs from a local news station. POGS!

If P = "P -> Q", we get: P -> (P -> Q) and (P -> Q) -> Q, so P implies that P implies Q and P implying Q also implies Q. If Q is false, "P -> Q" tells us that P is also false, meaning the statement "P -> Q" is false. We can still say it's true that P -> (P -> Q), because P -> P, but this doesn't relate to Q being true.

[...] and after that they received a revelation from Allah [...] and you can look at the first battle of the muslims between the quraish that the Muslims were shabbily equiped [...] so the Holy Prophet prayed to Allah [...] so Allah sent his angels [...] and that is my evidence that god exists
mbbs112 (condensed)

7. OH WELL, I rotate my owl for science.

Please note: It absolutely must be a regulation 2" picture-hanging nail, and it must only be used in conjunction with an ANSI-certified nail-driving toilet seat; accept no substitutes, however practical or plentiful.
FishPreferred (from ESCAPE- comments)

Don't make me break out the links you clearly never bother to read or listen to.

Welcome to Ask a Stupid Question, Write a Dumb Story. This is a contest about writing and stories. If you like writing stories and stupid questions, this is the contest for you.

These numbers. There too many and it is depressing and why 10? why not another number? If things had happened differently in the past then our numerical system might be based on something else. Like 9. Then I would have less to do.

As everyone knows, bear traps are devastatingly effective against toy cars, even when buried completely underground. They also deal splash damage, so they're basically land mines, but without any of the logical consistency you get with real land mines.
FishPreferred (from Vorago comments)

etg2002: *trans-dimensional warp appears* i hope no one minds a giant, humanoid, slightly blocky, walking robot of absolute doom coming.

Doombreed: No one minds, don't worry. We've gotten used to it.

FishPreferred: Hm? Yeah, just put it over there with the others.
(from So this is the tavern...)

Well, sadly, im not into any of those topics, yes, including enslaving mankind, wich is weird considering the things I just pointed out about me, sorry if this little possessed cat Was a little too smart for you to lure me into that kinda trap.And for reals, I have to go now, we will keep mentioning unnaturaly categorized characteristics about each other tomorrow.

I don't think you understand me. Please try to read this correctly. My LOUD OPINION is backed up by several LOUD FACTS that I can't locate yet but they are there. These LOUD FACTS are completely different from my LOUD OPINION but they are the same.

Tuesday (the 3rd): Haven't written anything in a week. Too busy recovering from a compound fracture. That sounds a lot like a compound fraction, but it isn't. It's even worse.

Mass slaughter and dismemberment seems to me like a very extremist way of dealing with extremists.

alphaboy1348: Cheese pizza is better.

...did i say something wrong?

DoraDoraBoBora: No, no, I... always lay in the fetal position staring at the wall like this.

alphaboy1348: Should I get you a pineapple pizza to make you feel better?

DoraDoraBoBora: ... well, I mean...

... it wouldn't HURT.
(from DoraDoraBoBora's profile comments)

Every God dies in the end. It's just a matter of how.

Floor 634

This floor is just like any of the floors you would find in an ordinary office building ... until the chairs suddenly come alive and pin you to the ground, allowing the staple removers to leap out of desk drawers and go for your throat ... and then they ... Wait, what's that noise?
It's the fax machine! It followed us down the stairs! RUN!

This floor is filled with raining tacos. ITS RAINING TACOS!
6,824 posts

Knowing Swarm, that was definitely not him, so probably twillight2 @MattEmAngel . After all, Swarm's still around

3,063 posts

Glad to see I still make frequent appearances in these. Was swamlord2 that scream-y guy who, you know, did a bunch of screaming at the admins and stuff? Or was that just twillight2?
twilight2 (and later, zolika14) was the one who did that. swarm was a Gantestant in HGAY3 and is one of the guys you see in "So this is the tavern..."
3,063 posts

I can't really say I'm satisfied with my Stilhaus Kitchen, what with it being installed by a team of lemurs with power tools and mullets. They left a large hole in the center of my living room, roughly the size of my living room, where they attempted to install a Stillhaus Living Room but couldn't because the installation instructions were eaten by one of them.

The biggest issue is that the Automatic Can Dispenser that was spot welded to the refrigerator refuses to dispense anything but Coca Cola products. I'm not sure how it discriminated between the brands, but if it encounters a different one it crushes it, bends the metal into a spearhead and fires it at the nearest moving object.

My neighbors are a tad upset about the sudden loss of their cat, Mittens. They demand that I at least clean up the blood. It's also constructed entirely of asbestos and emits mustard gas. Please remove it.
MattEmAngel (the whole post this time, from A Review On: Stilhaus Kitchens Reviews!)

-The Unofficial Rules of Armor Games-

Rule 1: Do not talk about Dan.
Rule 2: Do NOT talk about Dan.
Rule 3: There are four levels of users. Admins, then Mods, then Knights, then you.
Rule 3-1: Blessed users are not technically above you, but they'll take what they can get.
Rule 4: You will never be a Moderator.
Rule 4-1: Especially if you openly state you want to be one.
Rule 4-2: Especially if you try way too hard to be helpful.
Rule 5: No one thinks bad spelling/grammar is funny or cool.
Rule 6: We already have a thread for "You're banned."
Rule 7: There are no real rules about posting.
Rule 7-1: Yes, there are. Enjoy your ban.
Rule 7-2: Serious mischief = banhammer.
Rule 8: There are rules for making and playing RPGs. Follow them.
Rule 9: If you post in Newcomers, the community will scar you for life.
Rule 9-1: R2D21999 will offer you a poisonous cookie.
Rule 9-2: UnleashedUponMankind will decapitate you and place your head on a pike.
Rule 9-3: Darkfire45 will remove your soul for experimentation.
Rule 10: Forum debates are SERIOUS BUSINESS.
Rule 11: You must have pictures to prove your statement.
Rule 11-1: You must also have links, case studies, quotes, and perfect grammar to prove your statement in WEPR.
Rule 11-2: Wikipedia is not a reference.
Rule 11-3: All of your carefully-worded arguments can easily be ignored.
Rule 12: Don't argue with trolls. Report them.
Rule 13: Ferret is actually a ferret.
Rule 13-1: Gantic is actually a rabbit.
Rule 13-2: boppins is actually a magical unicorn.
Rule 14: If you post something worse than pangtongshu, you deserve a ban.
Rule 15: Learn BB Code before posting anything involving BB Code.
Rule 15-1: Always use [lowercase] tags, not [UPPERCASE] tags.
Rule 16: You are not allowed to misprint user names.
Rule 16-1: Calling R2D21999 "R2D" means punishment.
Rule 16-2: Calling pangtongshu "Pang" means death.
Rule 16-3: Calling StormWalker "SunWalker" means death.
Rule 16-4: Calling MattEmAngel "MattEm" doesn't even make sense.
Rule 17: There are NO girls on Armor Games.
Rule 17-1: Except pangtongshu, maybe.
Rule 17-2: StormWalker is a femalloid, whatever that means.
Rule 18: Armor Games has ads, but all user benefits are free. Deal with it.
Rule 18-1: Most of them are for cut-and-paste MMOs because people still think cut-and-paste MMOs are cool, apparently.
Rule 19: They aren't "Achievements," they're "Quests." They are far superior.
Rule 20: This is Armor Games, not Kongregate, Newgrounds, Miniclip, etc. We don't do everything they do.
Rule 21: You cannot make a successful Thread in AMW.
Rule 22: Referring to yourself in the 3rd person is not cool.
Rule 22-1: killersup and thaboss are exceptions.
Rule 22-2: Signatures aren't that cool either.
Rule 23: You agreed to follow a set of rules when you signed up. Do not flame the site or anyone on it if you are punished for breaking them.
Rule 23-1: Failure to read said rules is not grounds for violating them. You checked the box.
Rule 24: Armor Games has an (EDIT) button for posts. You no longer have an excuse.
Rule 25: If you make two Forum Games on the same day, and they both fail, the third one will also fail.
Rule 26: ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Rule 28: *sorry, Caps Lock was on.
Rule 29: The more you hate it, the stronger it gets.
Rule 30: Legendary Quests are achievable one-time only and/or only for a short period. They can no longer be earned, and they're important to those who earned them. Please don't complain.
Rule 30-1: The Old Armor Games Quests are extra important. You have no idea how much spam it took to earn those.
Rule 31: The best flash games have blue elephants and/or stick people.
Rule 31-1: There will never be enough sequels to "This is the Only Level."
Rule 32: You cannot submit a custom Armatar.
Rule 32-1: Unless you submit one to an Armatar contest.
Rule 32-2: You can't find that Armatar because it's from a previous Armatar Contest.
Rule 33: Gantic works in mysterious ways.
Rule 34: If it has Quests, there is a thread for it. No exceptions.
Rule 35: If no thread is found, it will be made before you make one.
Rule 36: "Sorry, ninja'd."
Rule 36-1: It is the ninja'd to be blamed for the ninja'ing, not the ninja.
Rule 37: Take two minutes to fix your spelling and grammar before posting, especially in RPGs.
Rule 38: If it can be disproved, FishPreferred will disprove it.
Rule 39: ALWAYS check the OP before asking a question.
Rule 39-1: ALWAYS check the OP before joining an RP or RPG.
Rule 39-2: "Hay guyz can i join ur game i didnt read teh rulez LOL." No.
Rule 40: What you click isn't always what you get.
Rule 41: Instead of making a new Thread in the "Programming Help" section, lurk.
Rule 41-1: If you don't find your answer, lurk more.
Rule 42: Your zombie RPG is doomed to fail. Sorry in advance.
Rule 43: No one has ever asked for hunger and thirst stats in an RPG for a reason.
Rule 43-1: Because they never work.
Rule 44: Anything past Page 10 is going to be necro'd.
Rule 44-1: If you necro, they will come.
Rule 45: Nice question. Have you ever heard of Google?
Rule 45-1: No? Google it.
Rule 46: If you're going to post a comment, give it some thought. One sentence is not enough.
Rule 46-1: The forum games are an exception if the rules allow it.
Rule 47: Being "friended" on Armor Games is not as important as you think it is.
Rule 47-1: "Friending" is not complicated. Do NOT make a new Thread asking how to do so.
Rule 47-2: "Friending" random people will not make you popular.
Rule 47-3: Try actually talking to a person before "friending" them.
Rule 48: Armor Points are gone. Deal with it.
Rule 49: You don't get Armor Points for spamming comments anymore. Deal with it.
Rule 50: If you say "I'm leaving Armor Games" (or any variation thereof), your profile will be stalked.
Rule 50-1: If you create a thread for it, you will be back in less than a month.
Rule 50-2: If you are inactive for over a month, you are pronounced dead.
Rule 51: Female members will get the most "Welcome to Armor Games!" posts.
Rule 51-1: Unfortunately, Rule 17.
Rule 52: Don't bump your thread repeatedly if no one posts.
Rule 52-1: I said don't bump it!
Rule 53: Any thread created on April 1 will be considered a prank until April 2.
Rule 53-1: This also applies to games.
Rule 54: AG3 is no longer a thing. It might have never existed in the first place.
Rule 55: Your opinion is always wrong.
Rule 55-1: Your opinion does not take precedence over fact.
Rule 55-2: Fact and opinion are different. Google it or something.
Rule 56: -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rule 57: You will never prove that any console is superior to another console.
Rule 58: What has been Locked will never be Unlocked.
Rule 59: Armor Games is NOT &quotay to win."
Rule 60: Forum Games that involve judging other people will always be the most popular.
Rule 60-1: Yours is a duplicate. No exceptions.
Rule 61: Tavern threads that involve "Battle of" will always be the most popular.
Rule 61-1: Yours is not original enough. No exceptions.
Rule 62: Thou shalt not unfix what Matt has fixed in relation to the Unofficial Rules of Armor Games.
Rule 63: Strip. Yours is irrelevant.
Rule 64: tl;dr
MattEmAngel (from The Unofficial Rules of Armor Games; archived)

Edited a few seconds ago by TheUnknownSoldier
5. As long as we can avoid that guy who appears randomly to edit my posts, we'll be- aw, dangit.

R2D21999 divides by 2.

armorplayergc shoots some puppies with his bow.

akshobhya does... something.

Chryosten drops a mini nuke. The puppies mutate into wolves and everybody dies.
a typical forum game by Gantic

But at least I know what Ferret looks like. I have no idea about Gantic. Plus I don't know, I would probably just want to kill Gantic for some reason. No offense Gantic.

Graham: Hey, I don't mean to pry, but I'm still curious if you have any evidence for things independent of experience.

FishPreferred: Okay.

Graham: I'm sorry what was that? I couldn't tell if you responded because I don't accept experience as tenable evidence. Could you please try again?

FishPreferred: What was what? I'm sorry, but I'm not sure what you're even talking about any more.

Graham: Did you say something? I couldn't tell because I disregard evidence from experience. Could you please try explaining how evidence exists independent of experience again?

FishPreferred: Evidence of what, exactly? Are you sure you've got the right address? 'cause I'm pretty sure I didn't order anything.

Graham: I might sound like I'm going insane, but I didn't pick up on what you said. I might've experienced it, and I made a vow to myself to never trust evidence from experience. Could you please try explaining what I asked again?

FishPreferred: Which thing was that? You've asked so many questions that I'm kind of lost here.

Graham: You know what I'm not sure. I have a hypothesis that my previous questions were about evidence without experience though. Could you try explaining my new hypothesis? I'm sorry to bother.

FishPreferred: I'm not really clear on what this hypothesis is. Should I just make something up?

Graham: What? Making something up for what? I don't understand.

(from FishPreferred's profile comments)

Doombreed: Where you a spambot in your previous life?

FishPreferred: not knowing what is was being implied by insightful commentary statement of just being stated previously.
(from Advertising Shmadvertising)

Rule 56: The emoji makes your post look stupid. Rule 56-1: Putting a " p" in quotation marks will also make your post look stupid. You'll see.

Can you censor out the alcohol? This is a Christian site...

*Facepalm headdesk fall out of chair hit wall roll over onto tack hit head on door*

Yes, his crotch is glowing. That wasn't because I wanted to make his CROTCH glow, I swear, it was purely for compositional purposes!

OBJECTION! *pulls out a knife* YOU WANNA FIGHT? Oh wait you're my client never mind. *puts knife away into briefcase*

The real party is in the bathroom now peeps xD OK, move aside please now it's my turn to puke...

Day 42
Still Loading. I noticed a big difference though, the cat grew 1 pixel.
StevenKyle (from Sushi Cat: StoryCraft World Creator comments)

[...] just what the heck is in those things? Pirate debt?
FishPreferred (from Treasure Truck comments)
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