Forums → The Tavern → Jokes and puns! (No vulgar language)

This thread is feeling bonely.

What do you call a mexican who lost his car?
Carlos. Ba dum tssssssssssssssssss...

if the clock is ticking, why i cant hear any tick-tocks from my phone?

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

"Aye matey."

What's a Mexican's favourite sport?

Cross Country.

How do you call an owl magician?
HOOdini.

Do you know a word that has a thousand letters?

- mail

And thus so far, we have nothing funny or even slightly amusing. Great job guys, congrats on another unfunny joke thread that's destined to fail.

Oh, wait a minute... I have one...
What do you call your mother when you hit her in the face with a frying pan?
Panama!
Ha ha ha! So funny...

So you think the others are not funny, but you are. I regret you man. Seriously! You act like a douc..he..bag.

Now calm down there mate. SportShark was being sarcastic. He mocked his own attempt at a joke as well. Please do read everything he said again and reconsider

To get this back on topic, since this is a joke thread, here is another one:

A drunk guy is preparing to leave a bar. So the bartender asks him if he is sober enough to drive:

"Are you sure it would be a good idea to drive?"
"Yes. Don't worry. I remember the basics. Red Light we stop. Green light we go. Yellow light we slow down. Blue blinking light, we are screwed."

oh I have a funny

How do you start a racist joke?
With a small loan of one million dollars!!

anyway don't vote for Donald Trump

The Hunt family is so nice. They give me lots of free food and drink from the kindness of their hearts. It's just their son Mike who I don't like.

John and Jane doe had a son, they called him dill.

P1: That hurted!

P2: Yes it did, but in a different way for me.

i was gonna make a joke on sushi, but a cat ate it

i used to like russian nesting dolls. then i realized they're full of themselves