Yes, it is that time of the year again. The time when Jesus returns as a zombie and roams the Afrikan wilderness, infecting people as he goes. How did you think Christianity spreads so fast? Duh, Zombie Jesus bites. But we also must recite the story of the whole rabbit and eggs thing to explain this event.
So it all starts when Jesus finally died on the cross. After everyone was done looking at him, crying, throwing rocks or whatever and left...the rabbits came out from hiding. In the darkness of the night, they implanted a rabbit egg into the dead body of Jesus(Right about where the Spear of Destiny stabbed him), Back then, rabbits still layed eggs because they had not evolved enough yet. Yet this was no normal egg...it was the egg of their den mother Riet T'Uar(who, as everyone knows, was a lich). After they took down the body of Jesus and brought him to his "final" resting place..the egg started to develop. Three days later(the normal deveoplment time for rabbit eggs), the egg hatched! And so was born Eas T'Uar(which was bastardized years later to the now recognized "Easter". He then thusly took control of the dead body and wandered around outside. Despite was might be recorded in some holy texts, he did not go speak to the people and such. He just went around and started to attack people inorder to increase the power of rabbit society. All these people were that were attacked contracted the undead rabbit disease "Mortuus Cuniculus Morbus." Symptoms include deep-seeded belief in one subject, hate to others not of their kind/ailment, stupidity, desires to be with large numbers of their kind/ailment weekly, etc.. All traits shown by rabbits(all they can think about it rabbit-sex, rabbits hate anything not a rabbit, rabbits like to be in large groups for security, etc..)
However, man caught on to this ploy. They then twisted, bent and used this to their advantage in order to spread the name of their man-lord, Jesus Christ. They also learned how to control Eas T'Uar through uses of carrots, rabbit-sex photos and big pointy things. Now the last of his kind(All other undead rabbits that laid eggs were exterminated during the Spanish Inquisition) and enslaved by the Cathloic Church, he wanders around the world once a year to spread his disease and thus spreading Christianity.
Well, I thought it was hilarious and creative! I love the whole Eas T'Uar part. Unfortunately the population that seemed to frequent this topic hasn't reached college, yet.
Thank you! Atleast one person really got it, and gave it the laugh it deserved. I just hope this is up here long enough for more people who can appreciate it can read it.
A quick run down for all who do not really understand this. Which seems to be a good deal of people.
I wrote this last year for easter, because I find the holiday today to be laughable in many ways. The ritual of dying eggs, hiding the said eggs, the time of year and all that jazz make no sense and have no ties to Christian beliefs. It is just another example of taking a pagan holiday and puting Jesus in it. I never really heard a convincing explanation or story for it, so I made my own! And as far as I am concerned, it works just as well.
Oh, and the blanked out word is bas.tar.dized. Which makes no sense to me, but oh well.
well im pretty sure the whole rabbit and eggs thing didn't come from the Christian church... i think it was just people marketing the holiday for money. Associating it with something (in this case eggs and rabbits) for more money.
I did laugh a bit at the joke, but it seems disrespectful for those who believe in Jesus...
Christmas is when Jesus was born, the Santa coming from a guy named saint nick who gave toys to the people that didn't have toys. Halloween means hollows eave, this day was originally created because the people believed that the spirits were going to get them, and that dressing up as spirits once a year would make the spirits think that they were also spirits. The door to door candy thing was because they thought it was a "sacrifice" to the spirits to give away you're food to them. Easter is when Jesus was resurrected. eggs symbolize hope, so hiding an egg means that hope is lost(when Jesus died) and that finding an egg means that theres still hope (when Jesus comes back to life). The rabbit with candy eggs was just a gimmick that parents would use for the young kids to think as Easter as an important day, even though they didn't know what it was for yet.
you're theory has no proof what so ever, and no reason or cause for it to happen. So i feel confident in telling you thats its completely wrong.
edit on santa part: Saint Nick was a man a long time ago who gave toys to people without toys.He did die though. but the parents use him as an example that if they're good, they'll get presents.
