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This one is epic, couldn't leave it out:

-Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

Chuck Norris is the only person who can make waring lipstick, eye liner, and a pink spandex leotard covered in rainbows and hearts look manly.

Chuck norris can swim across the pacific, but he dosent want to, because he just swam the atlantic.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a beverage. We know this beverage as red bull

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding

The boogie man looks under his bed at night for chuck norris.

Chuck Norris walking into burger king and asked for a foot long, they made him one

Chuck Norris doesn't have sperm cells he has tiny little white ninjas that have one mission seek and destroy.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

when the boogie monster goes to sleep he checks his closet for Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris is like Medusa one look into his eyes and your stoned for life.

Chuck Norris is like Cocaine one Round House kick and you hooked.

Chuck Norris is the only man who can roundhouse kick his own reflection.

chuck norris can open a can of pop
... with his eyelids

chuck norris can make something rhyme with orange

came up with those

-Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.

-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk and kill.

-Chuck Norris has no hair on his balls, because hair can't grow on steel.

-Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

-Chuck Norris doesn't shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

-There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

If Chuck Norris was a color he'd be all of them except purple he'd leave that crap belongs to Tom cruise.

If Chuck Norris was gay he'd make every girl change their sex for a chance to have sex with him.

Chuck Norris doesn't use weapons of fighting styles to kill people his awesomeness makes people kill themselves.

Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris does.

Chuck Norris always knows where Carmen SanDiego is......always