There is this girl I met my senior year at college (a few months ago). We got along well, and we are good friends (with benefits) lol and we hung out a lot. We also got very physical a lot. We did use protection, always, and we really have no reason to worry about a pregnancy. However, this brought up a conversation between us.
Now, this girl has had a lot of screwed up, idiot guys in her past. I mean like dead beat morons and stuff. (there's more to it but I won't go into that) She always says "oh i wont report them for sexual harassment, he's got a wife and kids it would ruin his life!" (This kinda sums it up)
So now we get into this conversation about "what if she got pregnant". I am now 22 years old, and graduated with a bachelor's degree. I have a full time job working security at a mall, and I am working on getting a better job (with my degree, etc). This girl tells me that she would not tell me if she was pregnant (with my child) because it would wreck my life....
I already told her when she asked, that I would want her to tell me. I know her screw up guys of her past would maybe want to not know and avoid responsibility. I told her however, that I would want to know, and be there for my child, etc.
She now says that she would wait, maybe 1 or 2 years AFTER the birth to tell me. I think this is kind of screwed up. I don't want a child now, but if she got pregnant from me, I would step up, be the father, take responsibility, and be in my child's life. But she wouldn't tell me about it???
Has anyone ever had this problem happen? Or even heard of this? This is so new and a little ridiculous to me. I really don't understand.
I guess this thread is kind of just random, and to see if anyone has ever had this problem, or has any insight into the situation. Maybe, like why she might be doing this, or what may be going on???!!!
Yeah she seems to not want to burden me. I like that she wants that, but would be MY KID. I don't want to miss out on his/her birth or first few years of life just to convenience me.... That would be much worse, and I have been trying to tell her that.
The tipping point is really about our perspective. Rather than maintaining ourselves in a place where we are exercising an evolved sense of "me-and-you" (ethno-centricity), we can get stuck in "it's all about me" (ego-centricity) -- especially when confronted with the strong emotions of another person, or an emotionally charged situation. That sort of thinking is both the root of self-blame, and a barrier to recognizing relative responsibility.
When someone becomes angry, rather than respond with, "Oh, that person is angry.", we are more likely to respond with, "Oh, that person is angry at/with me." Just so, rather than responding with "Oh, that person is angry, and I should hold space for that.", we are more likely to respond with, "Oh, that person is angry, and it must be me doing something wrong."
I think she just wouldn't want to bother you. Maybe she would rather her take care of the baby in the harder years so that way you wouldn't get fustrated and leave. Because the first year or two are really the hardest to take care of a baby and have a full time job and going to school. Because there are times when no matter how many times someone says they won't leave, they leave. She probably doesn't want to introduce the baby into your life until the baby is partailly controlable, and you can have a happy little family
Well thanks for the input. My problem was the fact I think it's fucked up to not tell me I helped bring a child into the world. I would be so mad to find out I missed it's birth and first few years.
you do realize most of us are like 12-15? ON A GAME WEBSITE.
i don't mean to be rude but come on. Im sure you could get some better advice somewhere
Hey, you come on the forums to the Tavern where things that don't fit into another topic. And so what if it's a GAME WEBSITE, have you been to WEPR section?????
I'm not looking for advice for what to do, I am curious if anyone has had anything like this happen? I'm not looking to the AG forums for answers that I will really use...
Has anyone ever had this problem happen? Or even heard of this? This is so new and a little ridiculous to me. I really don't understand.
Yes, I've seen it happen. It involved my dad. He had been divorced from my mom for a few years, moved around a lot. One day, during one of our visitation days, he was served court papers. Those were for child support for a baby he didn't even know was his. Needless to say, I have a little sister 14 years younger than me. She was almost two before my dad knew she existed. Pretty messed up. Turns out the mother took that long to figure out who she slept with around the conception date. He's married to the mother now, and that scares me to death.
In your case, you need to try to convince her otherwise. Even with protection, there's always risks. Remind her that even if there isn't romance involved in the relationship, she should tell you. I've seen many parents work together to raise children without truly loving each other, the only bond being the child.
Hell, if she got pregnant and you all got physical, why aren't you two married?
Because sometimes people become friends with benefits. Meaning they aren't dating each other, but still participate in the physical aspects of a relationship.
