Forums → The Tavern → Lame Jokes/puns

Once upon a time, there was a lizzard, a snake and a tree that began an epic quest for an applepie.
On the first day the lizzard walked, the snake crawled and the tree stand.
On the second day the snake was overrun by a car and the tree stand.
On the third day aliens invaded earth and stealed all applepies so the lizzard killed himself and the tree stand.

A guy walks in for his interview.
The interviewer asks, âWhats the first thing you notice about me?â

The guy responds, âYou donât have any ears.â

Interviewer: âGet out! Send in the next guy.â

2nd guy walks in for his interview.

The interviewer asks, âWhats the first thing you notice about me?â

The guy responds, âYou donât have any ears.â

Interviewer: âGet out! Send in the next guy.â

This guy on the way out says to the 3rd guy âWhat ever you do, donât say anything about him not having any ears â" Heâll kick you right out.â

3rd guy walks in for his interview.

The interviewer asks, âWhats the first thing you notice about me?â

The guy looks at the interviewer intently for a few seconds and responds, âyou wear contact lenses donât you.â

The interviewer says, âThatâs impressive that youâre so observant. How could you tell I wear contact lenses?â

3rd guy âBecause you donât have any ears to hang glasses on.â

Pete and Repete were on a boat. Pete went overboard. Who was left?

Repete?

Pete and Repete were on a boat. Pete went overboard. Who was left?

Repete?

Pete and Repete were on a boat. Pete went overboard. Who was left?

Repete?

the chicken crossed the road and met james bond in doing so he asked his name. james replies " bond james bond. What's yours?" " Ken... Chick-ken"

A few days ago, a hitman confessed that he was once hired to kill an Asian man in his rice field with nothing but some small porcelain figurines. Police say this is the first confirmed report of a "Knick-knack paddy whack."

It's pretty incredible, but even in this horrible economy, I finally sold my house. Got a fair price for it, too!

Sure did make my landlord mad, though.

knock knock
whos there?
to.
to who?
to whom.

Whats red and smells like blue paint?
red paint

why did humpty dumpty have a great fall?
to make up for a terrible summer.

I don't like those jokes that don't make any sense. Once a friend of mine told me one that was like that:

A boat was flying but its tires burst. How many oranges left?

None, because ducks dislike hamburguers

how many oranges grow on an orange tree?
all of them.

What do you get if you have a room with gravity, then remove it?

A room with gravy.

I made it up myself after pulling an all-nighter. >_>

'Knock knock'
'Who's there?'
'I need a puh...'
'I need a puh who?'
'Go to the toilet then!'

Yeah, terrible joke some kid told me. Incase you don't get it 'I need a puh who?' sounds like 'I need a poo'

What did the ocean say to the sky?

Nothing, he just waved.

These are some I heard. I didnt like them

Q. Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a cliff?
A. Tequila (supposed to sound like To Kill Her

Paddy and John are walking down a street when a head rolls by. Paddy picks up the head and says that looks like Sean. John says no Sean was taller than that

When someone says "Your mom" or "You would think of that" It is the Lamest comeback of all time. End of story.