OctoCan has an almost infinite number of uses. It's up to you to figure out what they are. Of course, no vulgar or obscene material.
Also, OctoCan has a clan now. For information on joining Clan OctoCan, contact [url=MagicTree]
I'll start: 1. Instant Seafood. If you happen to be entertaining guests from the South Pacific who are having dinner with you only to discover that the local pizza joint was the epicenter of an inexplicable volcanic eruption, OctoCan is your answer. Mix the contents of one can of OctoCan with one box of Seafood Helper and cook for 15 minutes. When the timer rings, you'll have a large spread of calamari ready to serve.
2. Crowd Control. When loaded into low velocity 40mm grenade cartridges or spring-operated canisters, OctoCan is excellent for non-lethal riot dispersal. When fired, the canisters will burst open and release multiple octopi at the angry mob. The octopi will then attach themselves to the targets faces, causing them to scream and flail about trying to get the squishiness off their faces. The sight of people running around with octopi clinging to their faces will also have a profound psychological effect on other rioters, causing them to disperse before the same fate befalls them. With 24 hours' notice, Paladin Industries can have 50 truckloads of OctoCan riot ammo ready for transport to New York to clean up that little mess in Zuccotti Park. >
3. Practical Joke/Revenge. If someone is bothering you and you want to get them back, or if you're just a practical joker, OctoCan is the resource you need. Three of the easiest and most popular methods of using it are as follows: 1. Sneak up behind your target and empty a can of OctoCan down the back of their shirt. It has approximately the same effect as a slushball similarly applied, except that it's lukewarm, it's squishy, it wriggles around, and it doesn't melt, so it's actually way better. 2. Empty a can of OctoCan onto your target's chair just before they sit down. Sitting into such squirmy squishiness has extremely disturbing psychological effects and may even leave your target mentally scarred for life. > 3. Just tilt a can of OctoCan back and forth in the presence of your target. That constant "schlorp...schlorp...schlorp...schlorp..." sound will drive ANYONE to insanity. >
Did you just break into a pet store and steal 6 puppies? do you need a lawyer to plead your case? then octocan is on the case! along with the english major, each octocan is flash educated with up to 7 years of a harvard law degree. guaranteed to at least give you a fighting chance in your lawsuit.
Disclaimer: do not use Octocan if all evidence (including DNA) points directly to you. even Octocan won't get on that case.
OctoCan is perfect for breaking the windows of your local Pet Store Did you just break into a pet store and steal 6 puppies?
:/ Getting kind of borderline here... Clan OctoCan does not support or condone criminal activity. Besides, why would you need any other pet when you already have an OCTOPUS?
Besides, why would you need any other pet when you already have an OCTOPUS?
Thats kinda the point I was making. You have an octopus in a can; you needing to break into a store to get a pet is ridiculous. But it seems that the point of this thread is to 'sell' OctoCan, and so I did.
Are you trying to complete a thesis essay on the battle of antietam? do you have nowhere to turn in order to get the info you need? no worries, octocan is your solution. Octocan's have a perfect knowledge of the civil war, and all of it's many political, and economic effects. I guarantee at least an A+ or your money back.
Not to force another comment from CommanderPaladin, I have a not so good use of OctoCan to share with you.
147: Seafood
What's this?! The world has no more seafood?! You can't have seafood, but you can have OctoCan. Open the can up and octopus right there. Wait just a moment- you can beg it to share the seafood that it has harvested. And now, you can enjoy more than octopus with each OctoCan: Seafood Edition (while supplies last).
Do your flower pots just keep smashing into pieces? Well Octocan is here (with purchase of Octocan product). Just stuff it full of nutritious dirt and jab flowers into its opening. The invertebrate's soft body prevents any kind of smashing (except the British) and all you need to do is pour water for both the flowers and the octopus. Disclaimer: OctoCan does not withstand against fire, bullets, and blades. We condone all other types of violence towards an Octocan product unless stated otherwise.
you want to play a waterfight with water bombs and water guns with your friends but you want not to refill your water gun over and over again? then open a can of OctoCan! the octo is an ink gun with infinite ink! you will win every water fight!
disclaimer: your friends could buy one, too or they want no longer to play with you.
Do you care about global warming, but there isn't enough people close by who share your passion? have no fear, Octocan Green Edition. Not only is it enviromentally friendly, it also helps you spread the word of your beliefs by posting flyers, making pickett signs, and even holding up to 8 of them in an anti-oil rally. if this little guy can't help you, I don't know what can.
Always getting your stuff stolen by theives? Keep forgetting where you place your stuff? Octocan to the rescue! Open one up and put your belongings through it's hole. It's empty head will allow you to keep your stuff safe. And thanks to the suction cups, it will grab those theive's hand and not let go until you say so.
Can't open you're Octocan? Well, that's fine because Octocan opens itself. It can also open other cans, like soup, uhhhh, tuna! And other...stuff. I mean...Other Stuff! But not Squican. Octocan will go on a pyschotic rampage if you get him near that. DO NOT. I cannot stress this enough. That brings me to reason-
154. Rants!
Octocan will listen to yor random rants, and won't even fall asleep, or try to strangle you because it doesn't speak english. So go on, buy one, or two, or all of them!
Trying to hide from the police? Going to a masqurade ball but forgot your mask. Octocan will do the trick! Open one up and slap it on your face. Now you'll be able to blend in with everybody else.
