Forums → Forum Games → The Many Uses of OctoCan - The Best Canned Octopus In The World!
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OctoCan has an almost infinite number of uses. It's up to you to figure out what they are. Of course, no vulgar or obscene material.
Also, OctoCan has a clan now. For information on joining Clan OctoCan, contact [url=MagicTree]
I'll start:
1. Instant Seafood.
If you happen to be entertaining guests from the South Pacific who are having dinner with you only to discover that the local pizza joint was the epicenter of an inexplicable volcanic eruption, OctoCan is your answer. Mix the contents of one can of OctoCan with one box of Seafood Helper and cook for 15 minutes. When the timer rings, you'll have a large spread of calamari ready to serve.
2. Crowd Control.
When loaded into low velocity 40mm grenade cartridges or spring-operated canisters, OctoCan is excellent for non-lethal riot dispersal. When fired, the canisters will burst open and release multiple octopi at the angry mob. The octopi will then attach themselves to the targets faces, causing them to scream and flail about trying to get the squishiness off their faces. The sight of people running around with octopi clinging to their faces will also have a profound psychological effect on other rioters, causing them to disperse before the same fate befalls them.
With 24 hours' notice, Paladin Industries can have 50 truckloads of OctoCan riot ammo ready for transport to New York to clean up that little mess in Zuccotti Park. >
3. Practical Joke/Revenge.
If someone is bothering you and you want to get them back, or if you're just a practical joker, OctoCan is the resource you need. Three of the easiest and most popular methods of using it are as follows:
1. Sneak up behind your target and empty a can of OctoCan down the back of their shirt. It has approximately the same effect as a slushball similarly applied, except that it's lukewarm, it's squishy, it wriggles around, and it doesn't melt, so it's actually way better.
2. Empty a can of OctoCan onto your target's chair just before they sit down. Sitting into such squirmy squishiness has extremely disturbing psychological effects and may even leave your target mentally scarred for life. >
3. Just tilt a can of OctoCan back and forth in the presence of your target. That constant "schlorp...schlorp...schlorp...schlorp..." sound will drive ANYONE to insanity. >
Okay, your turn. Surprise me!
- 335 Replies
131. holy octo
if someone or something using the octopi of the OctoCan in an evil way? then open a can of the brand new holy OctoCan! not only the octo, even the can are so holy that all demonic powers get destroyed! it frees souls and heals wounds of unholy objects, too!
Remember, OctoCan has a Clan! If you want points for your OctoCan posts and a Clan membership, contact CommanderPaladin to join today!
132: automatic machine gun
did some jerk hole interrupt your plans for using unholy power to control everything? don't worry, for the Octocan Vandetta Edition can kill that pesky holy man, and let you return to mastering unholy power.
133. protection from ANY weapon
is someone using a weapon just to kill you? then open a can of OctoCan to protect yourself and your beloved!
134. the peace maker
if there is a war, then use the peace maker OctoCan. just open it and abracadabra, there is peace!
135: teleporter pad
are you stuck in traffic rather often? have you ever wanted to say "beam me up scotty" without looking like a jack***? then look no further, the Octocan scotty edition can take you anywhere you want to go, and you can use that startrek reference multiple times without it getting lame.
some jerk hole
Careful. We don't want this thread contaminated with profanities.
teleporter pad
"beam me up scotty"
Ooh, I like this! Good one!
#136: A sense of belonging
Ever feel left out? Ever wish you were a part of something? With OctoCan, all your problems are over! The octopi have established a clan full of friendly little cephalopods, and they're just waiting for you to join them in their clan of OctoCans! You'll be part of a clan, and you'll be included too!
#137 Pepper Spray
Trying to stop someone from attacking? Want to get away from someone dangerous? No fear, OctoCan is here! Just open one up and put it in your bag. When you feel you're in danger, just take the octopus out and let it rip it's ink onto your enemy, blinding them temporarily. Now you'll always feel safe with Octocan!
138: Magic Hat Trick
Have you ever wanted to pull a rabbit out of your hat without sawing a hole through your table? Well now you can with Octocan. Just stuff whatever you want into an Octocan-brand octopus, and with a wave of a stick you can pull right back out.
Disclaimer: This was not tested with live animals.
139: crazy break dance partner
do you feel the beat, but have nobody to dance with? do you want to feel more hip and fresh around the youth of today? with octocan, you instantly get a break dance partner that is so good, any excuse for break dancing that you can muster will automatically look cool.
note: no matter how cool you look with octocan, if you use hip, orfresh, around real kids, then you will be considered lame and left to rot in the sun.
140: Multiplication
Do you need practice with your multiplication? Octocan is the solution for you. Purchase two cans and watch them multiply. Have fun counting.
141: Boom Power
Have you got a problem with your sink? Then use Boom Power! It is scientifically designed to un-clog your sink in a Boom!
142: speech writer
Do you have to give a speech, but the nerves are preventing you from being able to write it? the Octocan can help. each octocan has a major in the study of the english language and can create some of the most eloquent speeches you have ever heard.
141: Boom Power
Have you got a problem with your sink? Then use Boom Power! It is scientifically designed to un-clog your sink in a Boom!
Um, Lucas? This has nothing to do with OctoCan. Perhaps you are in the wrong thread? Or perhaps you are missing the point here? Please be relevant to the OctoCan, or else you are just clogging up the thread, and even Boom Power can't unblock that.
141: Unclogging Your Sink
Have you got a problem with your sink? Then use OctoCan! It is scientifically designed to un-clog your sink in a BOOM! Just light a fuse to it and see it go BOOM!
Disclaimer: We are not responsible for your demolished sink.
I rewrote it for OctoCan...
and now for my own...
143: TV Repair
Is your Television set broken again? Well have no worries, OctoCan is here (with purchase of OctoCan). Simply shove OctoCan into your TV and it's fixed. Now you can have all your midless entertainment watching OctoCan between the shards of your TV.
Disclaimer: This does not work with plasma screen TVs.
144: A Pet
Have you been lacking companion ship in your life? Then be lonely no more! OctoCan is here to fill all your pet-related needs! With its high-strength steel can, OctoCan is perfect for breaking the windows of your local Pet Store. Just throw the can in the window, and take any of the animals that your heart desires.
Disclaimer: OctoCan and its related affiliates are not responsible for any negative results which may or may not result from the use of this product. This product may also contain octopus and derived octopi products.
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