OctoCan has an almost infinite number of uses. It's up to you to figure out what they are. Of course, no vulgar or obscene material.
Also, OctoCan has a clan now. For information on joining Clan OctoCan, contact [url=MagicTree]
I'll start: 1. Instant Seafood. If you happen to be entertaining guests from the South Pacific who are having dinner with you only to discover that the local pizza joint was the epicenter of an inexplicable volcanic eruption, OctoCan is your answer. Mix the contents of one can of OctoCan with one box of Seafood Helper and cook for 15 minutes. When the timer rings, you'll have a large spread of calamari ready to serve.
2. Crowd Control. When loaded into low velocity 40mm grenade cartridges or spring-operated canisters, OctoCan is excellent for non-lethal riot dispersal. When fired, the canisters will burst open and release multiple octopi at the angry mob. The octopi will then attach themselves to the targets faces, causing them to scream and flail about trying to get the squishiness off their faces. The sight of people running around with octopi clinging to their faces will also have a profound psychological effect on other rioters, causing them to disperse before the same fate befalls them. With 24 hours' notice, Paladin Industries can have 50 truckloads of OctoCan riot ammo ready for transport to New York to clean up that little mess in Zuccotti Park. >
3. Practical Joke/Revenge. If someone is bothering you and you want to get them back, or if you're just a practical joker, OctoCan is the resource you need. Three of the easiest and most popular methods of using it are as follows: 1. Sneak up behind your target and empty a can of OctoCan down the back of their shirt. It has approximately the same effect as a slushball similarly applied, except that it's lukewarm, it's squishy, it wriggles around, and it doesn't melt, so it's actually way better. 2. Empty a can of OctoCan onto your target's chair just before they sit down. Sitting into such squirmy squishiness has extremely disturbing psychological effects and may even leave your target mentally scarred for life. > 3. Just tilt a can of OctoCan back and forth in the presence of your target. That constant "schlorp...schlorp...schlorp...schlorp..." sound will drive ANYONE to insanity. >
Pretty sure this has been done before...ever want a good opponent for a manly wrestling-of-the-arms? Get OctoCan, now in BeefCake edition! Each of his eight tentacles is stronger than the last, providing many levels of strength! If you can beat the last tentacle, which even Vin Diesel or Arnold Scwarzenegger or Chuck Norris can barely do, you're AWESOME! Buy now for 89.95. Please allow 20-24 weeks delivery, cause we're located on another planet.
#292: Snide comment-writer Want to write a snide reply about how Matt is desperately trying to resuscitate this thread? Can't think of anything witty? Simple! Use OctoCan!
294: Apology in A Can. Did you accidentally delete your friend's information on their hard drive, just because you misspelled a email address? Do you want to say sorry but are to lazy to do it yourself? Well, with new Apology in a Can OctoCan, you can do it without getting of your couch! How?, I hear you ask. Just send the Apology to whoever needs an apology and the OctoCan will put on a little show in the can, just to say you're sorry. Only while stocks last!
296: Parenting Practice. Are you expecting a child, but are unsure of your parenting skills? Do you want to practice being a parent, but a doll won't suffice? Just use a baby OctoCan, who will cry and poop 20% more! It cries and poops so much that, when you get baby, you will be surprised by how little it cries! And poops. While Stocks Last!
some people are fighting or trying to kill eachother? there is a war between two or more countries? then use the new mediator OctoCan! just open the can and toss the octopus at the fighters and there will be instantly peace!
Some threads just die out too soon. Want to keep a thread alive? OctoCan's octopi have many tentacles that will make sure the posts keep coming fast! Your threads dying out are no longer worries!
ever wanted to raise a dragon from a egg?whell,now you can!the transmofigher octocan will turn the octopus into a dragon egg!it costs only 500 dollars to get the transmofigher octocan! buy today!
No. 302: Egg Hatching Have you been digging in your mine or squeezing animals and you suddenly find an egg at your feet? Worry no more, as OctoCan has the amazing ability to hatch any egg at super-speed!
No. 303: HiatusCan Do you keep taking hiatuses and breaks from Armor Games without meaning to? Well with HiatusCan, just ask the OctoCan to help! Whenever you decide; "I'm getting bored of Armor Games," it will wrap its tentacles around your head and smash it against the table! You'll never want to leave!
ever felt things where too calm?now u can stop that!the new war-to-can can instantly make things exiting.the war begims with your homecountry anda country of ur choice.it also comes with a meditator octocan for when you want the destruction.
Have you ever wanted lemonade, but were to lazy to go across the street to buy it for fifty cents from the kids next door? No problem now! Just travel across town to the local Octocan store, buy Octocan and some lemons and a pitcher, release the octopus in the can onto the lemons, and he'll start squeezing!*
Are you hungry for a dessert, like a cake but also like a pudding? Well, here comes OctoFlan! This little baker will come up a flan for you at any time of day! Just add ingredients!
Warning: Flan may come out blue, because of OctoFlan's ink.
Are you one of the poor hatless unfortunates of (insert your city/hometown name here)? Do your hatted friends assume you're poor and Irish due to your lack of headgear? Are you disrespected day after day due to your bald head showing in public? NO MORE! Open up a can of OctoCan and place the octopus on your head. Instant hat! No crate ever in circulation will ever contain a hat such as that! What's more, it comes with a free random unusual effect! Show those pompous idiots that you are entirely above them! (Team Fortress 2 Game not included) (Purchasing this item gives you an replica on TF2. With the same unusual effect you have in real life.)
(Yes, all of those were Team Fortress 2 references.)
308. Racist People Flamer Did somebody just insult your country? Do you want to get back at those idiots? One answer! The OctoRPF! This Octocan will attach itself to the racist person's face and suck all the xenophobia out of them!
