ForumsArt, Music, and WritingShort Story Contest

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EmperorPalpatine
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EmperorPalpatine
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Rules:

1. Type up a short story of 500 words or less (I probably won't count unless it's really long).
2. It must be original (NO PLAGARIZING!).
3. It must be written for this contest, not one you wrote up earlier.
4. It must fit the contest theme within a reasonable degree of interpretation.
5. It must be submitted at or before 11:59pm AGtime on the deadline date.
6. One official submission per user per round. If you make more than one, denote which is the official entry.
7. The same user can't win twice in a row, but can enter for fun.
8. Nothing too gory/obscene.
9. No excessive foul language.
10. Have fun!

General Notes:

Make sure it's structured the way you want it to be before submitting to avoid repeats.
!!!Tab doesn't indent in the text box and can lead to accidental submissions!!!
Please indent paragraphs by starting a new line with enter, then spacebar 3-10 times (whatever you want, but be consistant)
Greater than and less than symbols can sometimes cut off your post.
Some characters/fonts are not recognized/accepted by the text box.

Theme and Due Date:

I (or future co-judges) will choose the theme and due date every week or two, depending on how popular this gets. If you're interested in being a co-judge, message me.

The current theme is: Sliver of Silver
Due: in one week - Mar 3

  • 75 Replies
Salvidian
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I'll give it a shot. What the hell. This is for Ample Answers.

---

Without any regard for society I smashed through the front door and blurred to the couch. The pounding of pain radiated from my entire body; my tools were without any form of remorse, and my answering machine shrieked with annoyance. Eventually I decided to end that unrelenting scream of the machine.
The answering machine greeted me with a cheery, yet hypocritical, beep. Contrasting to the norm, I somehow had a cumulative of 6 new messages, though 4 of them were from pass days. I had been very irresponsible with checking her and she was irresponsible with giving me any type of rest. The darn speaker was broken from some Michelob that I had spilled on it a few weeks earlier, so I had to hold the goddang handset to my ear.
At that exact moment, time absolutely froze. The very first decibel of sound emanating from the unrelenting machine caused all life to go to hell. Suddenly, everything in the room melted. The normal smell of rotten food and moldy clothing vanished. Nothing mattered at that exact moment, because I finally had the message I was waiting for.

Salvidian
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Hey all, I'll be judging the theme Sliver of Silver with Emp's permission. Aside from this new trek, I've only judged the ASC which obviously isn't a language competition. If you find any fault in my judging, please let me know; if not for the benefit of me, but for the benefit of you in case I ever judge here again. For those of you who know me personally, I'm punctual with judging but I'm not very punctual with anything else, so expect judgings on the day-of-deadline when I'm in charge.

Everyone up to par with that now? Good. Let's start then.

---

Devoidless

At first glance the story read like the opening to a a generic action movie: guy discovers conspiracy, guys gets murdered, resulting stuff happens; however, when the line Derik can't help but feel uneasy for two reasons came up, I was immediately pulled into a paradoxical, conspiratorial and cliffhanging miniplot. After the story ended, I couldn't help but feel an emptiness - a lack of fulfillment. I went back and read it again, only this time I noticed the Public Security server provides omens. Albeit that might not seem like such an important tidbit, but this one important tidbit in that this "Public Security" organization is being somewhat hypocritical by preventing crimes by causing them themselves. Why is an organization entitled "Public Security" resorting to such rash punishments so quickly? Very thought provoking indeed! As for structure, the story is built generically, which was a bit disappointing. The only place where structure delivered excitement was in the page break between "and..." and "Derik". In itself was a phenomenal structural technique, but I wish the story had been worded more so to provide a little showing instead of outright telling. Nevertheless, the ending helped make up for that flaw by leaving everything at such a thought provoking position. Finally, that last blow to Derik via the "Sliver of Silver" bullet wrapped the story up nicely while using the theme in a nicely incorporated area.

aknerd

Alright, I gotta say this before anything: almost immediately after reading the story the first time, it was obvious that alliteration was an ally for you. The proper nouns all start with S, the majority of adjectives start with S, and in that final catharsis the theme radiated a gleaming light of alliteration. I enjoyed that because it helped the story flow greatly. As for the actual content, this story reminded me of all those college commercials wherein the world is motion at 10 times the speed relative to the talent. Considering the fact that this story has a second theme of loneliness and isolation, that did nothing but paint the picture that much more vividly. I have to admit, and this could either be my or the author's fault, but I had to read the story three times before getting a grasp on what was seriously going on. At first, I thought everyone was good and she was bad, and she was an outcast; but a sacrifice of some kind. The second time I sympathized with her; isolation sucks; however, I could not feel any type of emotion for the Shells. Finally, when I read that catharsis the third time, it hit me. I had an epiphany (Well, maybe not quite that drastic) and everything came together nicely. The use of the theme didn't fit so well together as I had hoped because it was used as a loose metaphor; how can everything be a sliver of silver in a moment like that?

Storm

First impression: nice set up for a Sci-Fi flick. Unfortunately, that also means the themes, "abandonment, forgetfulness, desperation and disrepair" remind me of cliche. But you took those themes and you mixed them together in a swirling vortex of originality. This "Nothing" sounded like a unrelenting, inevitable, horrifying fate, and his poor space-miner had to endure its last moments by looking at slivers of silver; the final treasure, the blue sky on execution day, or what have you. In fact, the use of theme was, in the content aspect, great. I felt like some of the conflicting elements should have added more to the story: the recurrent theme of "youngsters" didn't seem to have enough significance to make it worth mentioning, which led your story to be kind of wordy. As this is a tragedy by definition, I expected a great catharsis. Sure, the emotional cleansing was there, but it wasn't very climatic. It was also too sudden; Nothing just popped up into this dreamy, enjoyable story and pulled it into a halt. Nevertheless, the ending was still gripping.

Reton8

I'm somewhat hesitant to say this because it's so blunt, but until the final paragraph I was bored. Sure, it was detailed, but I felt like there was too much dialogue compacted into a little space - like watching several movies in a row. It's difficult to pay attention to each tidbit of detail, and the fact that there was little action plot it was hard to follow. However, I must admit that the first two paragraphs were simply worded enough to the point of being understandable in a general sense. Even if someone skimmed it they'd undoubtedly be able to get the gist of it. The final paragraph was actually interesting (No offense intended, of course). It sounded like a commentary of our current society today: I know very little how my iPhone works, nor do I know much about how the Mars Rover works. We're still an unenlightened people, and it's always interesting to hear others' perspective and fates if they continue a path similar to ours (Even if fictional). I won't beat you up over the theme. :P

Winner: Devoidless!

Despite some of the flaws that were evident in the piece, I had the most fun reading through Devoidless' entry. His tragic catharsis reflected the theme most marvelously; that moment that sealed Derik's fate was not only one that held a lot of emotion, but it was also one that made a fantastic transition from the end of the story to the after thoughts.

---

Next theme: Ample Answers
Due date: ???
Judge: ???

EmperorPalpatine
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Due date: ???

Since it's been open for a month, it's due before the end of Tuesday.
Salvidian
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You judging? Or should we wait and see?

EmperorPalpatine
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I likely will because I should get Wed-Sun off.

Reton8
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In my story, I wanted Krall to be some sort of newly elected governor and then maybe some recent civil unrest on his home planet. That way there would have been more reason for Morpius to be showing Krall the artifacts. It probably would have have given more impact to the climax. But I ran out of words and didn't have the motivation to re-type it, haha.

I probably could have re-written the plot from a more action oriented perspective or revealed certain information in a more entertaining way, but I suppose my lack of practice in short story writing and lack of motivation prevented me, lol.

Somewhat49
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The next theme is Ample Answer.

I'm assuming this theme is the one that stories will now be written for.

There came a time when Jim thought the answer the doctors always gave him was an ample answer, but now he thinks that they hide lies in that answer.
âHey doctor?â
âHmm?â
âHow did my wife die?â
âOh she just stopped living, like old people doâ
âCould you explain that more doctor?â
The doctor then sighs and says to Jim, âlook up at the wall Jimmyâ
On the wall is always a wooden sign about 1 x 1.3 meters in size, on it just says âevery answer is an ample answerâ the sign was painted pink with white letters engraved on it.
The sign was always a friendly sign to Jim, never changing unlike his medication and doctors, and very simple, unlike his food. It was the thing Jim found most comforting in his life till now when he notices the controlling aspects of the sign. The sign was always above his reach looking down on him and the pink color was trying to control Jim so that he would more easily go along with what the doctorâs cook up for him. Jim now hated that sign and if he could reach it, he would tear it down and destroy it.
Now this whole new line of thought wasnât brought about by just anything, it came from the only visitor Jim had ever had, a man that was very plain since he was all pitch black, kept on the same height as Jim so they were equals, and always had a smile so he appeared friendly. He suggested that the sign was actually Jimâs enemy, and went into Jimâs dreams to help me see. After he was sure Jim was convinced he waved goodbye with the same smile and exited through the mirror, which was so much more pleasant than having the drafts and noise the opening of the door creates.
Jim went to sleep and in his dreams he asked the sign âwhy are you lying to me?â
The sign replied âbecause I am all you are not, I am strong while your mind is frail, I am worth something while you are worthless, I help while you only harm, and that is the ample answer.â
âThis sign thinks it can control you with its answers that demoralize; do you think it has the right to do that?â Said the pitch black man.
âNo it doesnâtâ said Jim, and then he knew what was true and what to do. He ran and jumped at the sign to push it off from where it hung so high, and broke it in half while it was still screaming. After a minute it stopped, and Jim noticed he was bleeding a lot from cuts. The pitch black man waited until Jim died, removed the step-stool from under where the sign was hung, and exited back through the mirror since his work there was done.
StormWalker
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Could you expand the word limit again, Emp? It's kind of hard to make good endings when you have to kill it in the middle of a point. :3

Salvidian
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Emp is sticking next to the current limit fairly strongly.

StormWalker
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All right. When will the next judgings and the next topic come out?

Salvidian
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Due date is by the end of today people. I wanna see Emp's judging.

StormWalker
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...So when's the judging?

Max000_Extreme
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The he drank a cup of coffee and ate the cheese burger

Somewhat49
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Is the judging actually going to happen or this thread is dead?

EmperorPalpatine
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It should be up before the end of today.

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