Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → The Writings of SupaLegit

I am going to post the poems ant etc I make here

Hey, it may be good to make a space between your poems and the titles, or make the titles bold or something. I can't actually tell where the title stops and the poem starts. :P

Yeah I'll start to do that, did you like the poems though? ;D

Sorry, but this isn't a haiku. The middle line has too many sylabuls. Observe:

Tapp-ing, tapp-ing, tap. (5)
Rain comes and goes, ceas-ing ne-ver. (8)
Bloom-ing life for you. (5)

Other than that, there not bad. Keep it up.

Rain comes and goes, ceas-ing ne-ver. (8)

I'm sorry that it has been a while. I have been really busy with school work and sports. I have edited my flawed Haiku *Yay!*, and made a more modern style ode.

~Edited Haiku:

Blooming Rain
Tapping, tapping, tap.
Rain comes and goes, ceasing not,
Blooming life for you.


Now for the Ode~

Ode to a Dog
Thanks to this animal whom brings me joy;
Thanks to that dog that is there for me.
Sitting there with his toy,
Waiting to be loved is he.
Little does he know what he does for me

His bark so strong and bold,
His snarl protective in the middle of the night.
This is his home and he will scare them cold;
They who pose a threat may suffer his bite
If they enter his home; You have been told!
Thanks to that dog that is there for me.

Life would not be the same without him.
Like a light forever dim,
So dull and boring.
Life-is-a-snoring.
Thanks to this animal who brings me joy.

I wrote this following poem in a dark perspective as I did with It. I hope you like the Dark goodness! ;P



Eternal Pain
Eternal dark is all I see,
Oh how much do I want to be
Free, happy and to see the light.
Instead all I get is a painful bite.

The glass shatters and the Dark batters.
Have I lost all hope?
Np, the hope will not shatter.
It will prevail and clear the dark;
Shadows vanish and the cold will scatter.

Nothing can stop me as it
Seems to be getting better now.
Oh how do I long for the light! Alas,
Be it my insanity or is the Dark bright?

So close, yet so far, my life almost par.
The Dark be nothing more than shards.
Shards of pain and shards of Hell.
I shall lock the shards behind prison bars.
For I have wont this game of cards!
The Light is now mine, I hear the Bell.

But wait!
It is the dark I hate;
It is mercilessly dragging me down!
I am being dragged down and I frown.
I yell for help, yet no one is there.
I don't know how much more I can bear.

I now begin to cry;
For my Savior did not follow through,
And I wave a painful good-bye
To the world I will never know.
It was so close, but in the end,
I'm in eternal pain.

I really like your poems, but sometimes the rhythm seems a bit off.

Perhaps a few lines could have been worded better, but for the most part you need to read them a certain way. Thank you very much for liking them though
------------

The Tear

The tear streaking my cheek
Pierces a road of sorrow.

The pain swells, tearing me
From inside-out.

His eyes no more than a misty haze
Lost, looking for help.
His dieing breath stinging my chilled flesh.

I attempt to calm my raging mind
In vain, and I utterly break down.

I stare into his eyes; deeply searching the haze.
I whisper in his ear,
Enraged that he probably couldn't hear
My plead to please don't leave me.
For I'd be lost wreck without my best friend.

The tear now boils,
Searing my skin, searing the road.
My tear is now a raging inferno;
I will avenge him, for me and his kin.

Bloody footprints will be all that is left
Of his murderer. Nothing more, nothing less!

And I proof read it >.>

For I'd be lost wreck without my best friend.

Betrayed

I wake from my sleep
And try hard not to make a peep.

I feel so lost, so confused.
So very tempted to light the fuse.

Betrayed; So lost and confused.
have they forgotten what I have done?

I built their foundation,
I built their pyramid,
Built their forsaken dream!

What do they do for me?
They decide to betray thee.
That's what they did for me!

My favorite is the third stanza!!
It's very nice overall, but for some reason it irks me when you use thee. Sorry.

Thank you, but on which poem? Tear or betrayed?
Also, yeah I wasn't so sure about thee either.

On Betrayed.
I love the poem Tear overall. It's really powerful.

On Betrayed.
I love the poem Tear overall. It's really powerful.