ForumsArt, Music, and WritingTackeh's 10,000 Etchings

718 136881
TackyCrazyTNT
offline
TackyCrazyTNT
1,938 posts
750

I decided I'd try and post some of my poems on here, since I liked the first line poem thread so much. I would really like some advice on how to improve. Thanks!

  • 718 Replies
SupaLegit
offline
SupaLegit
647 posts
170

Didn't like the wording in the middle line... How about:

I'll watch time pass on,
The years and months stretching by;
Waiting, still, for you.

TackyCrazyTNT
offline
TackyCrazyTNT
1,938 posts
750

Ah...that does sound better. :P
And that is why you are more awesome than me.
Thanks, Supa!

SupaLegit
offline
SupaLegit
647 posts
170

No problem, I just ask I can use those lines I made in a future poem sometime ^^
Oh and thanks much for the compliment, much appreciated hehe!

TackyCrazyTNT
offline
TackyCrazyTNT
1,938 posts
750

Nice. I wrote a poem. It's totally mine.

IT'S FRIDAY, FRIDAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY....
SOMETHINGSOMETHINGSOMETHING
WE WE WE SO EXCITED...WE SO EXCITE...

Sorry. Couldn't resist.

I'm working on yet another haiku. Maybe I'll even use the haiku for what it's intended for, to write about nature.

ManiacalMind
offline
ManiacalMind
176 posts
40

WE WE WE SO EXCITED...WE SO EXCITE...


You must have closed the song before she finished the word?

___

Can't wait to see a haiku though, good luck.
TackyCrazyTNT
offline
TackyCrazyTNT
1,938 posts
750

This might be the worst poem I have ever written DX
I was in a seasonal mood though, and this is my thread so I post what I want. Also, it's FRIDAY, FRIDAY. >

Season's Anger

Winter's harshest winds
Cut through the trees like sharp glass
Blinding us with snow

Spring melts frozen earth,
Casting torrents of water
That hurtle downhill

Then Summer, shining
Sweltering warmth, blazing hot,
Smiting those outside.

Fall will probably show up later.

ManiacalMind
offline
ManiacalMind
176 posts
40

That was pretty good, pretty sharp flow to it.
That last line was just lol, just lol.

TackyCrazyTNT
offline
TackyCrazyTNT
1,938 posts
750

Why thank you.
Did you read some of my older ones? (I try to get feedback from everyone.)

LazyOne
offline
LazyOne
167 posts
520

You have a great lexicon.
The poems may not be my style, still congratulations on not repeating the same thing over and over again [As do most poets on AG.]

ManiacalMind
offline
ManiacalMind
176 posts
40

Did you read some of my older ones?


Yeah, I've read all of the poems in the thread, I've just got to say nice work.
Ghgt99
offline
Ghgt99
1,906 posts
260

Winter's harshest winds
Cut through the trees like sharp glass
Blinding us with snow

Spring melts frozen earth,
Casting torrents of water
That hurtle downhill

Then Summer, shining
Sweltering warmth, blazing hot,
Smiting those outside.

Fall will probably show up later.


The last line is funny. =P

Good job! 9/10
TackyCrazyTNT
offline
TackyCrazyTNT
1,938 posts
750

Thanks
Not a 10/10?!?!?! lol.
I actually wasn't intending for that line to be funny; I just couldn't think of anything else for Fall.

TackyCrazyTNT
offline
TackyCrazyTNT
1,938 posts
750

I've decided I'll try a different style of poem every time I post. A sonnet one day, a haiku the next, maybe even a prose poem if I have the time.

TackyCrazyTNT
offline
TackyCrazyTNT
1,938 posts
750

Last Haiku, I promise. :P

You were always there,
For me to lean on, to rest,
Every single hour.
-To my Chair, from the Girl that sometimes breaks you by accident

I need you with me,
For sweet comfort when I cry,
When all else is lost
-To my box of Chocolates, from the Girl that noms.

Ernie15
offline
Ernie15
13,428 posts
5,660

are you "the girl"? I'm pretty sure you might be.


I'm going to take a wild guess and say you're right. I highly doubt that either the chair or the box of chocolates would know "the girl" by name.
Showing 46-60 of 718