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The PANIC Cheese has sympathy for your seeming panic at impending doom.

PANIC Cheese 391/500

I soothingly speak to the cheese, in hopes of some sort of reverse psychology magic.

SoothingSpeech = 2

It turns out that the PANIC Cheese has actually strong mind and it resists your attempts at lullin into a false sense of security.

PANIC Cheese 389/500

I get around its conscious barriers and speak to PANIC Cheese with Neuro-Linguistic Programming attacking directly its subconscious part.

NeuroLinguisticWaves = 11

You're Neuro-Linguistic waves are somewhat effective.

PANIC Cheese 378/500

I roll the panic cheese down a hill with renewed attempts at purely physical attacks.

HillRolling = 13

It deals some damage to the cheese.

PANIC Cheese 365/500

I use my (terrible) DJ skills to play terrible remix songs at the cheese. DJFail = 7

Well, it wasn't quite as much of a fail as you were expecting. Still not very helpful.

PANIC Cheese 358/500

I stay up much later than I should and use the late night as a way to surprise the cheese as it is sleeping (because cheese totally sleeps).

SleepDeprivation = 5

It didn't work. Your sleep deprivation was a double-edged sword and ruined the surprise. At least the cheese got a mild shock awakening.

PANIC Cheese 353/500

I pour poison onto the cheese. Toxins = 20

It must have been Botulinum Toxin H, it was very strong.

PANIC Cheese 333/500

I fumigate the cheese with ammonia and bleach.

Chloramines = 4

It seems to be very resistant to ammonia and bleach

PANIC Cheese: 329/500

I speak to him about the responsabilies he should face.

Responsabilities = 18

It hates thinking about the concept of being responsible.

PANIC Cheese 311/500

I alert him that he was born to be randomly, slowly, gruesomely, hurt in many ways until his predecessor is determined out of his power.

Fate = 14

It seems to not like being controlled by above powers.

PANIC Cheese 297/500

I tell him that he will never escape from destiny.

CannotRun = 15

It seems that it's already reconciled to its destiny.

PANIC Cheese 294/500

I order a napalm strike on it.

NapalmStrike = 5

Good lord. You should really check up on how effective it was before you use it. It didn't really do much to the cheese.

PANIC Cheese 289/500

I shove the cheese into a cannon before firing the cannon itself. OFortune = 19

The cannon works quite well at flinging the PANIC Cheese's life away from it.

PANIC Cheese 270/500

I take the PANIC Cheese on a skydiving trip to see if fear, and falling at terminal velocity into the ground, has any effect on it.

TerminalVelocity = 18

It was pretty scary for the cheese as it has now been scared out of it's wits.

PANIC Cheese 262/500

I start hitting the cheese with a shovel. GraveChoice = 14

The shovel is almost as good at cutting through dirt as it is at cutting through cheese.

PANIC Cheese 248/500

Being slightly more than half dead, I decide to throw a party to celebrate. Morbid_Party = 20