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The Book of Breakfastarianism
Commandments: And the Lord spoke thusly:
1) Thou shall not have any meals before breakfast. 2) Thou shall not forget to eat breakfast and thou shalt keep it delicious. 3) Thou shall not make wrongful use of breakfast by eating instant or pre-made breakfasts. 4) Thou shall not steal food from your neighbors plate at breakfast. 5) Thou shall not covet your neighbors breakfast nor his seat in the booth by the window.
The Beggining
In the beggining of time, there was nothing. But then came forth a mighty rumbling. Twas the stomach of the Lord, and He was famished. So He spoke. And He did say "Let there be light!" And the universe was washed with light, for the Lord could not make His meal in the dark. He then made all the stars in the sky and all the planets surrounding them because He thought they looked very nice. In doing so, He made a cluster of stars and planets he named the Milkyway for it sounded tasty. This galaxy became His favourite, so He made a decision: He going to create a planet with man upon it so they too could see the beauty he Made. After seven days and nights, the Lord was done making the planet and man. And the Lord did grin. And the Lord then did feast. He ate the skies, stars and the planets. He then spoke "This way, I shall always be able to watch over and protect man along with the universe around him." Feeling accomplished and satiated, the Lord then went on His way.
Well, there's the whole creation story and the end-times. But there are sects of Breakfastarianism that believe that those are just metaphors. But remember, every time you don't eat breakfast, God gets a little bit more gassy!
ummm... i am wondering... is this whole thing serious? cause im afraid that if i believe you're serious and am told it was a joke that ill feel stupid, but if think its a joke and it turns out youre serious that ill feel like a jerk... i mean, this is an honest dilema, so, could someone tell me if this is a joke or not?
Maybe it is a joke, but it's funny that it's not really that discernible or improbable when compared to other "religions." madgamer, why are you shocked at the prospect of this idea? Certainly Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and since God wants you to be successful and happy in life, then it is the holiest of meals - as it purports to serve God's wishes far better than any other meal. And of course, the Breakfastarian creation story has just as much evidence for it as any other creation story, so it's legitimacy should not be questioned. So sayeth Moegreche, devout follower of the one true religion - Breakfastarianism!
Hey, Moegreche, there is distinct historical evidence of EVERYTHING to be taken literally in the bible (10-20%.) I think that several of your ideas as religeon being a ridiculous way of gaining control. Unfortunatly many religeons became abused, including Christianity, but all started with faith. Christianity started after the historical crucifixtion of Jesus.
I think that's one of the hard points to breach between religious and non-religious views - the origins of religion. You see roots in your faith that I find admirable and I respect greatly, so please don't take my stance the wrong way. Where you see the beginnings of religion as pure faith and the religion in its purest and most true form, I just see it as a person or group of people making up stuff - just like this thread. I absolutely do not want to detract or belittle what you think or feel, this is just in the most plain terms why I can't emotionally bridge the gap to reach a common ground with those who are religious. I hope that made sense and didn't offend anyone :P
I would like to proclaim I had a hardy breakfast this morning. I practice a more Southwestern Breakfastarianism. We believe that rice and black beans are of the path to righteousness.
Praise be to the pig, the holiest of animals! Oh, Piggy, your plentiful bounty giveth us bacon, sausage, and ham aplenty! Thank you, oh Piggy, for your solemn sacrifice to help pitiful Humankind in our attempt to worship the Almighty.
