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@theone99
1/10 was that a joke or a fact?

There is a windy day in chicago. . .
In a complex building with a bar on the 20th story 2 men get into an argument. The two decide to prove themselves and go up onto the roof of the building. [21st story]. The 1rst man says, "Hey I bet you that since it's so windy out you can jump off this building, go half way and go right back up!"
The second man says "No way I don't believe you!"
So the third man says, "fine I will prove it to you!"
So he jumps off, goes half way and comes back up.
The second man says, "do it again."
So he does.
So the second man jumps off thinking he'll do the same. He goes half way. . . then goes the other half and hits the ground.
The first man returns to the bar and sits down. The bartender then says, "Superman, you are really mean when your drunk!"

haha 8/10 i was actualy just going to put that.

What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriver

(not to offened any blondes but it's funny)

LOL 10/10 that was hilarious.
[No Joke From Me]
I ran out for today, plus I need to let someone else go.

Theirs an Armenian, Mexican,and American, and they all came from different countries, they arrived in Los Angeles waiting for something to eat but the Steak shop was closed, they tried to rob it but then a Police man saw them, they all ran for the tree, the police man shook the tree and said "Who's up their!",
The Mexican said, "Hoot hoot!",
The American said "Cahhh!",
And the Armenian said "Mooooo!?!"

haha 6/10

How do you get a blonde to drown themself? Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a pool

8/10 Not too bad.

Very off-color joke.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as the altar boy.

2/10
i don't really get it...

what do you call the person who posts below me?

a cottonheaded ninnymuggins mwuahahahaaaa
:B

ok that's a 0/1000000000000000000000000


Chair Man of the Board

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office.
When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."

9/10 Heard it before, but pretty good.

A man returns from work only to find his wife kissing another man. The husband is an honorable man of sorts, and he challenges the other man to a duel. Stepping into another room, they level their guns, but then the husband puts down his gun and says, "Listen, I love my wife, and I want her to have the person she loves the most. How about we just discharge our guns and both play dead, and whoever she runs to first will have her."

The other man agrees this is a good idea, so they fire their guns out an open window and drop to the floor, playing dead. The wife comes in, walks to her closet and says, "You can come out now, they're both dead."

7/10
not bad
Ways To Annoy Bathroom Friends

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, ''May I borrow a highlighter?''
2. ''Uh-oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that.''
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. ''Hmmm, I've never seen that color before.''
5. ''Damn, this water is cold.''
6. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.
7. ''Now how did that get there?''
8. ''Hummus. Reminds me of hummus.''
9. Fill up a large flask with Mountian Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,''Whoa! Easy boy!!''
10. '' Interesting....more sinkers than floaters''
11. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peaunt butter on a wad of toliet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say,''Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?"
12. ''C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!"
13. ''Boy, that sure looks like a maggot''
14. ''Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?''
15. Play a well-known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
16. Before you unroll toliet paper, conspicusly lay down your ''Cross-Dressers Anonymous'' newsletter on the floor visiable to the adjacent stall.
17. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, ''Peek-a-boo!''
18. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing ''Born Free.''

10/10 That was sheer genius.

An Indian boy asks his tribal elder a question. "What do you do when you name us children."

The elder says, "After the baby is born, I go out of my tent and I name them the first thing I see, like Soaring Eagle or Rolling Thunder. Why do you ask, Sh*tting Dog?"

that was a very good one 9/10

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."

ROFL, THAT'S TOO GOOD~ 10/10

Q: Why was the blue power ranger kicked off the show?
A: During rehearsal, he accidentally said: "It's Morphine time!"

ok i'll give you a 8/10
not bad

A husband and wife were lying in bed together one night. The wife rolled over and placed her hand lovingly on the chest of her husband.

"Honey," the wife said, "if I died would you get married again?"

The husband said, "Never, my dear."

The wife said, "I''m sure you would."

So the husband said, "Okay, I would"

"Would you let her sleep in our bed?" the wife asked.

And the husband replied, "I suppose so."

Then the wife asked, "Would you let her wear my clothes?"

"I doubt she''d want to," the husband said. "She''d be so much thinner."

ok that is not a good one but this one...
A manager at a General Store is teaching a young, newly hired boy how to sell people more than they really want. Suddenly, a man walks in asking for a bag of lawn seed. The manager walks up to him and says, "Of course. But you will be wanting a lawn mower, too, right?"
The man asks, "Why would I be?"

The manager replies, "Because when the lawn seed grows, you'll need something to cut the grass with."

Surprisingly, the man buys a lawn mower. Then another man walks in and asks for a box of Tampax. The manager nudges the newly hired boy. The boy walks up to the man and says, "Right away, Sir. But, of course, you will be wanting a lawn mower with that, right?"

The shocked man asks, "Why?!"

The young man then replies, "Well, your weekend's screwed, so you might as well mow the lawn."