sorry i was off for a while. even though i'm a judge i want to post a few jokes( ask globdog and he'll say all my jokes are funny) how do you catch a polar bear? cut a hole in the ice put pea's arouind the ice and when the polar bear comes to take a pea kick him into the ice
there are 3 girls and all of them live in dofferent states. the first girl says mom why am i named rose and the mom says because when you were born a rose petal fell on your head. the next girl says mommy why am i named lily and the mom says because when you were born a lily petal fell on your head. then the third girl says aughghghsufng and the mom says shutup cinderblock
a rockstar, george w. bush, an old man, and a cub scout are on a plane thats about to crash. the rockstar says i'm to famous to die so he grabs a parachute and jumps off. george bush says i'm to smart to die, grabs a paruchute and jumps off. the cub scout turns to the old man and says want to share a parachute and he says george bush took the last one. the cub scout says no he took my backpack
a blond brunnette and a redhead are convicted of shoplifting and the police are following so they hide in a barn. the Brunette hides behind some cows, the redhead hides behind some pigs, and the blond hides behind a sack of potatoes. the police go over to the pigs and say "anyone here" and the redhead says"oink oink". they go ovet to the cows and say"anyone here" and the brunette says "moo moo" then they go over to the potatoes and say anyone here and the blond says "POTATOES".( if you tell this out loud say potatoes in a deep voice)
3 boys are lost and the desert and are almost dead because of the heat. So they all try to find some stuffs. The first boy finds a bottle of water and says: I got this if you guys are thirsty. The next boy got a sandwich and said i got this if you guys are hungry. And the last boy gets the door of a car with a open window and says: I got this if you guys are dieing of heat and you need air!
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: âWow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.â
The man then replies: âYeah, well we were married 35 years.â
a woman gets on a bus with her baby and the bus driver says "thats the ugliest baby ive ever seen ugh!" so the woman walks to the back of the bus angry and tells the person next to her that the bus driver insulted her. the lady next to her says well you march right up there and tell him off go ahead... ill hold your monkey for you.
