ForumsThe TavernCult of George (READ FOR ENLIGHTENMENT!!)

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thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

Yet another "mock religion, created only to mock religion itself," except this one is true! The Cult of George is based around the belief that the spork is the symbol for balance in the Universe. George represents the balanced force in the Universe; he also created the spork as a monument to his power.
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Pam is the evil force in the Universe, the inventor of the fork. She wishes to destroy the good side of the Universe, thus rending reality to shreds and destroying the Universe.
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Knifello is the force of good in the Universe, the inventor of the spoon. Knifello wishes to destroy the evil side of the Universe, thus rending reality to pieces and destroying the Universe.
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George is the culmination and combination of their powers. He is the balanced force in the Universe; wishing to keep reality together. So, he created sporks as a way to join good and evil together.
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We worship George as a way to fuel his power and hold the Universe together. We feed him the elements of existence to increase his power. These elements are:
Water/Ice
Wind/Pizza (long story)
Earth/Life
Me and JZ are the grandmasters, the first to realize George's powers. We each possess an element. I possess water/ice. JZ possesses wind/pizza.
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As you prove your worth to George, your rank within the Cult will increase.
Grandmaster
Master
Guru
Chieftain
Prophet
Acolyte
Neophyte
Recruit
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George also points out evil souls. These people are called targets. We inform targets of their target status, and they are left to figure out the meaning.
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If George chooses so, then ypu may follow the Path of the Orange. You may follow this path if orange juice from a Valencia or Navel orange sttrikes you randomly in the eye. You will then go on the path of the Orange. The POTO ranks are as follows:
Messiah
Vessel
Binder
Askar
Swami
Footpather
Citrus
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We must pay tribute to George in order for reality to remain intact. Help George and join today!

  • 69 Replies
knight_34
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knight_34
13,832 posts
Farmer

George is some sort of deity right?

RaptorExx
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RaptorExx
2,204 posts
Farmer

Sporks were not created by any deity o_O
*marks self in war paint and spray paints anti-George symbols on flags*
I proclaim myself Atheist to this religion/cult!!!

lol jk jk =P
I promise not to wage a silly eWar with your kind.

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

@knight_34: yes, George is the sentient manifestation of the balanced fore in the Universe.
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RaptorExx: George smiles upon your peaceful interaction.

Graham
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Graham
8,060 posts
Nomad

sounds more like a description of a multi-personality person

dragonball05
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dragonball05
1,718 posts
Shepherd

Another mock religion created to mock religion itself, but it's true. Hm. Weird, but amusing. Good thing to join if you're bored or as you would say "are on the path towards the rending reality to shreds" and need something to do to "keep balance in the universe." Not mocking you, just putting it how it sounds like you would say it.

When I first clicked on the thread, I didn't think it'd be a religious thing. I guess a cult can be a cult for just about anything, though, so I shouldn't be surprised. I guess good luck getting people to join the Cult of George.

sense
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sense
1,036 posts
Nomad

Yeah...

A bit weird, and before long you will have anti-club/cult/anything fanatics, tail-gating you...

Just a warning...

knight_34
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knight_34
13,832 posts
Farmer

I think you forgot something Alt. What the hell do members of the cult do? How do you worship George? What does George resemble?

dragonball05
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dragonball05
1,718 posts
Shepherd

Well actually your first question was vaguely answered, knight. You worship George in the cult. And they also

feed him the elements of existence to increase his power.

Lol he really should explain himself some more, but he did give a little bit of info.
Pazx
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Pazx
5,850 posts
Peasant

Funny cause I was hit in the eye by a splat of orange today... ARE YOU MOCKING ME!!

A bit weird, and before long you will have anti-club/cult/anything fanatics, tail-gating you...


QFT.
thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

To worship George, just use sporks whenever possible. Best of all, there isn't a penalty if you don't worship George, so no hell
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It makes the same point as breakfastarianism. It seems that too many of you people thought I was serious. . .lol
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We already have a good deal of followers. Two grandmasters, one messiah, three acolytes, four neophytes, and five recruits.

erokogirl
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erokogirl
98 posts
Nomad

OH OH OH! are you talking about george lopez? if you are then i agree.

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

. . .
no.
If you read the first post, then you would not be so misguided in the ways of George. You are no a target. You must seek throughout the ancient texts to find the meaning of this. And forsooth, your repentance will be complete!

Fritz_Rublehem
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Fritz_Rublehem
1,077 posts
Nomad

Very interesting mate, very interesting indeed.

knight_34
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knight_34
13,832 posts
Farmer

We already have a good deal of followers. Two grandmasters, one messiah, three acolytes, four neophytes, and five recruits.


Who are they exactly?
thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

Two of them are on my friend's list. The others aren't on AG.

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