ForumsThe TavernCult of George (READ FOR ENLIGHTENMENT!!)

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thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

Yet another "mock religion, created only to mock religion itself," except this one is true! The Cult of George is based around the belief that the spork is the symbol for balance in the Universe. George represents the balanced force in the Universe; he also created the spork as a monument to his power.
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Pam is the evil force in the Universe, the inventor of the fork. She wishes to destroy the good side of the Universe, thus rending reality to shreds and destroying the Universe.
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Knifello is the force of good in the Universe, the inventor of the spoon. Knifello wishes to destroy the evil side of the Universe, thus rending reality to pieces and destroying the Universe.
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George is the culmination and combination of their powers. He is the balanced force in the Universe; wishing to keep reality together. So, he created sporks as a way to join good and evil together.
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We worship George as a way to fuel his power and hold the Universe together. We feed him the elements of existence to increase his power. These elements are:
Water/Ice
Wind/Pizza (long story)
Earth/Life
Me and JZ are the grandmasters, the first to realize George's powers. We each possess an element. I possess water/ice. JZ possesses wind/pizza.
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As you prove your worth to George, your rank within the Cult will increase.
Grandmaster
Master
Guru
Chieftain
Prophet
Acolyte
Neophyte
Recruit
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George also points out evil souls. These people are called targets. We inform targets of their target status, and they are left to figure out the meaning.
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If George chooses so, then ypu may follow the Path of the Orange. You may follow this path if orange juice from a Valencia or Navel orange sttrikes you randomly in the eye. You will then go on the path of the Orange. The POTO ranks are as follows:
Messiah
Vessel
Binder
Askar
Swami
Footpather
Citrus
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We must pay tribute to George in order for reality to remain intact. Help George and join today!

  • 69 Replies
Shadowphoenix39
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Shadowphoenix39
1,077 posts
Nomad

Owyn: "I would like to join the cult of George and be enlightened!"
The Creator: "What abot me?"
Owyn: "Screw you."
The Creator: -whimper-
k: "I tno'd tnaw ot nioj siht diputs tluc!"
Dandelion: "We do."
Gornab: "Yes, let us be enlightened!"
All (except k): "All hail George!"

The story behind these characters lies in the unsanity...

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

@42: Francis is the ArchFather. He was the first human to channel George's invenrion into an Earthly possession. He is looked at with respect, but he did not invent the true spork. You should read between the lines, and do REAL research.

choazmachine
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choazmachine
1,044 posts
Nomad

Mega Spork

I would like to join the Spork Cult of George!

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

You may!

pickleshack
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pickleshack
356 posts
Nomad

After much contemplation, and with the words given to me through my newly forged silver spork, I ask to join, but I want to be something. You know, some sort of master, or messiah...can you put a good word in? Crap just make me one.

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

not yet. George will tell me when to elevate you.

pickleshack
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pickleshack
356 posts
Nomad

Ack....well, I suppose I concede to wisdom more unsane than my own.

Shadowphoenix39
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Shadowphoenix39
1,077 posts
Nomad

O, grandmaster of George, how shall one get promotions? Did George create the unsanity? Is one able to worship just Pam or Knifello? So many questions, so little answers...

Camoraz
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Camoraz
66 posts
Nomad

ill pretend i no what u said/mean.....

nichodemus
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nichodemus
14,923 posts
Grand Duke

Reminds me of the teapot religion my friend cooked up. I still don't dare drink Earl Grey....after that incident.

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

The Pam worshipers are Pammites, and the Knifello worshipers are Knifelloans. They are both perverted in their own way! George is the only correct religion!
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ill pretend i no what u said/mean.....


i'll prtnd to undrstnd ur crppy grmmr
NoNameC68
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NoNameC68
5,045 posts
Shepherd

By the looks of page 4, it seems to me that Cholokid is the one whom deserves the praise. I mean, he created George and must be more powerful! Repent for worshiping a lesser being than he!

thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,824 posts
Shepherd

You are misguided! That is but one of the manifesatations of Him. Cholo is lucky to be a Conduit. Truly. The Cult of George has the deepest lore of any religion EVER, and I guarantee you, it all fits together. Believe!

samdawghomie
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samdawghomie
3,552 posts
Peasant

It took me some time to find this thread, but now that I did, I've been reading it I just realized that I have been using sporks my whole life. By reading the Cult of Goerge I have now been enlightened and I have found my true meaning in life, to worship George, the almighty creator of the spork. Thus I would like to join.

In His honor I have handcrafted this titanium spork. (It was the only material I had, I would've used gold if I had it.)


http://images.buzzillions.com/images_products/08/93/thinkgeek_titanium_spork_reviews_1031622_175.jpg

samdawghomie
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samdawghomie
3,552 posts
Peasant

I have now found gold and thus crafting this double sided gold spork for His highness.


http://www.thefranks.cc/THE_FRANKS_Marilyn_and_Peter_Frank_Contemporary_Art_Chicago_untitled_(gold_spork)_files/The%20Franks_Untitled%20(Gold%20Spork)_on%20white.jpg

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